PacificTraveler
08-29-2010, 09:18 AM
Hello,
I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She has been briefly married before but that ended quickly in a divorce due to a cheating ex-husband. We are very serious about our relationship and love each other. We are engaged and want to start our own family. We have extensively discussed having children in the very near future. These past 2 years have been amazing. We are both 27 and are both in the same graduate school program (that's how we met), and will soon have medical doctoral degrees.
As her main hobby she spends a lot of time on Facebook, playing Farmville, and actively participating in farmville related fan chat rooms daily. Recently I have noticed changes about her behavior. She almost seems withdrawn from any of our interactions. Whenever we go out and then return home she instantly runs to her computer. She now stays up late online on her laptop, while normally she goes to bed pretty early.
Few days ago I needed to check my emails, but my laptop was turned off. Her laptop was on so I decided to jump on there. Something instantly caught my eye: right on her very organized desktop I noticed an icon titled "chat log", or something to that effect. I clicked it and after reading it was in shock. She was having explicit chat communication with some guy. In shock and understandable anger I open up the browser and the tabs were saved from her previous session. Her email account was open. After reading some of her email exchanges with this guy, they were pretty explicit. I also found out that she has sent a picture of herself to him.
I know it was wrong for me to snoop, but given the turmoil of my emotions I couldn't stop. To summarize their email exchange is something like this. The guy is professing his love for her. Her numerous emails end in something like "I need you" and "I miss you". The worst part is that she admitted to him that she is in a relationship, but she dismissed our relationship as a "prospect". We're discussing building a family, having kids, etc, and yet I learn that this is simply a prospect. Furthermore, she told the guy that once she settles down she will have more time to spend with him. (Right now we are bouncing all over US territory pacific islands for medical residency and will not return to the mainland US until December).
Trust has NEVER been an issue in our relationship prior. But now I don't know what to think. I love her but this is an extremely disturbing find. She is a very intelligent woman and yet I cannot figure this out. She loves to write; she is an amateur writer, and like I mentioned before she spends a lot of time in chat rooms. We have discussed that once we have kids she will be working minimally and will be spending a lot of time with them while I am at work. Am I being paranoid thinking that something like this can possibly occur again? I don't want a broken marriage and obviously complicated by kids. Nor do I want my children growing up in a broken family.
I spoke to a close female friend and she suggested that I confront her about this immediately, however, I am not ready for that yet.
Any advice? Suggestions? Comments?
Thank you.
I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She has been briefly married before but that ended quickly in a divorce due to a cheating ex-husband. We are very serious about our relationship and love each other. We are engaged and want to start our own family. We have extensively discussed having children in the very near future. These past 2 years have been amazing. We are both 27 and are both in the same graduate school program (that's how we met), and will soon have medical doctoral degrees.
As her main hobby she spends a lot of time on Facebook, playing Farmville, and actively participating in farmville related fan chat rooms daily. Recently I have noticed changes about her behavior. She almost seems withdrawn from any of our interactions. Whenever we go out and then return home she instantly runs to her computer. She now stays up late online on her laptop, while normally she goes to bed pretty early.
Few days ago I needed to check my emails, but my laptop was turned off. Her laptop was on so I decided to jump on there. Something instantly caught my eye: right on her very organized desktop I noticed an icon titled "chat log", or something to that effect. I clicked it and after reading it was in shock. She was having explicit chat communication with some guy. In shock and understandable anger I open up the browser and the tabs were saved from her previous session. Her email account was open. After reading some of her email exchanges with this guy, they were pretty explicit. I also found out that she has sent a picture of herself to him.
I know it was wrong for me to snoop, but given the turmoil of my emotions I couldn't stop. To summarize their email exchange is something like this. The guy is professing his love for her. Her numerous emails end in something like "I need you" and "I miss you". The worst part is that she admitted to him that she is in a relationship, but she dismissed our relationship as a "prospect". We're discussing building a family, having kids, etc, and yet I learn that this is simply a prospect. Furthermore, she told the guy that once she settles down she will have more time to spend with him. (Right now we are bouncing all over US territory pacific islands for medical residency and will not return to the mainland US until December).
Trust has NEVER been an issue in our relationship prior. But now I don't know what to think. I love her but this is an extremely disturbing find. She is a very intelligent woman and yet I cannot figure this out. She loves to write; she is an amateur writer, and like I mentioned before she spends a lot of time in chat rooms. We have discussed that once we have kids she will be working minimally and will be spending a lot of time with them while I am at work. Am I being paranoid thinking that something like this can possibly occur again? I don't want a broken marriage and obviously complicated by kids. Nor do I want my children growing up in a broken family.
I spoke to a close female friend and she suggested that I confront her about this immediately, however, I am not ready for that yet.
Any advice? Suggestions? Comments?
Thank you.