He says I'm boring?

[pinky]

I live with my boyfriend and for the first time last night, he told me that I'm boring and that hes bored cause we dont go out to clubs especially. That really hurt my feelings because I am in a situation where I cant spend too much money because of school etc. Also, hes not all that exciting either. He likes going to clubs more than I do, but I just think that I've outgrown the club scene, I'm 25. Maybe I am a little boring, because I prefer to watch a movie rather than go to a club. However, I am worried now because I think that thats the first sign that he may want to roam/see other women. I told him if he thinks that I'm so boring why is he with such a quiet and good girl, maybe a party girl is more his speed. Please help!!

[Rich]

Being in a good relationship means both people would rather spend time with each other more than anything else. Even going out. It might be necessary for one or both people to get out on their own every once in awhile, but that should be minimal and not the norm.

I enjoy my wife's company and I really like being with her. I spend anywhere from 8-16 hours away from her because of work and commuting. Anytime that I'm not working, I like to be with her. She gives me love, happiness, friendship, caring, humor, respect, and anything else that I could want. So why would I want to spend time away from that? You and your BF should feel the same way in that your relationship should give you both all that you want and need.

What you're experiencing is what all couples and people experience. When you're younger it's cool and fun to go out clubbing and what have you.

Then as you get older and start on your career and/or family, then those clubbing days dwindle down. It gets played out after awhile and quite honestly, as you get older, your body can't do what it used to do. After a hard day at work you most often just want to chill.

This is one of the most common problems with couples when they marry young. As the reach their mid to upper 20's they notice that their relationship isn't what it used to be and they think that somethings wrong (boring). Well, nothing is wrong, it's just that you're entering a different phase of your life. Everyone experiences it.

It's just that most people don't see this coming and then they think that they're getting boring and they look for a change in partners.

Know this. Life happens and people grow old. Body metabolism slows down and people get tired and need more rest. Can't be clubbing until 4 AM, come home and sleep for two hours and then go to work. That can't cut it anymore. Careers become important as people don't want to get fired. Need to pay for all the stuff you have and or want to buy.

Getting back to your concern. You're not boring, you're just changing. This is why it's important for couples to be best friends and enjoy each others company. You need to enjoy each other and be able to have fun with each other without necessarily going out and involving other people.

IMO if your BF needs to go out to get enjoyment and can't get that from your relationship, then it doesn't bode well for your long term outlook together. He should be looking to you and doing things together for his enjoyment. He needs to also realize that times are changing for you and that life slows down. It will change for him too.

There are still things that you both can do to keep your relationship from being boring, boring. You just need to figure it out.

Maybe join a bowling league one night a week. A dart league. Make one night a week a date night. Switch off making each other dinner. Then rent a movie to watch together. Could even be a o. Then have a great night of and pleasing each other.

Take up doing something on the weekends that's exciting like kayaking or white water rafting. Take bike rides on mountain trails and stop off every now and then for a quickie in the woods.

There's so much that you can do to have fun TOGETHER. You just both need the want to do it with each other. Right now you need to find out where your BF's heart and mind lie and be honest with the conclusions. Things typically get harder after marriage so don't think that putting a wedding band on ones finger makes all the problems go away, because it doesn't.

[eightball61]

There's so much that you can do to have fun TOGETHER. You just both need the want to do it with each other. Right now you need to find out where your BF's heart and mind lie and be honest with the conclusions. Things typically get harder after marriage so don't think that putting a wedding band on ones finger makes all the problems go away, because it doesn't.

I tried really hard to think of something else to add here but Rich hit it dead on. He outlines that there is so much you both can to TOGETHER and thats true. You have your specialties and he has his. You both need to find a way to compromise through that in order to have a relationship where you both work together. That may consist of things where you may have to give into something to do with him and he may have to give into doing something with you. Even though you or him don't like an activity it doesn't hurt to go and please the other partner once in a while. To make this work you gotta give in a little to him and he has to give in a little to you.

[luvme4ever]

Clubbing is fun, so are everythings else. As long as you be able to spend time with the one you love. Even having to sit in a car without saying a single word and just look out into space, it's still be fun because you're with him. If he doesn't feel the same way you feel, then I don't think there's a connection between you and him.

[Diablo]

I'm reminded of the song:
"She said I'm gonna hire a wino
and he'll decorate our home...
Put a bar along that walk
and a neon sign point the way
to the bathroom down the hall"

Can't remember a lot of it, sorry.

[SALly]

I'm reminded of the song:
"She said I'm gonna hire a wino
and he'll decorate our home...
Put a bar along that walk
and a neon sign point the way
to the bathroom down the hall"

Can't remember a lot of it, sorry.
Hahahaha- I know that song. You left out a line...
"So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam"

[Diablo]

I think I left more than that out. Another funny song along similar lines is

Ya ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'

[Howard]

It could be that you 2 weren't meant for each other.I'm sure you'll work it out with him,pinky! ;)

[vaiolust]

My g/f has called me boring many many times.. i too am not too wild.. i have my moments.. where im an animal, but most of the time, i like to be a bit reserved, and keep a bit of IQ for myself.. but my g/f says it off and on.. mostly when she is having problems at home.. she says mean things when she is mad, no matter what she is mad about, mean things come out.. and later she says she didnt mean it.. and i believe her, because its one of those lashing out types of things.. i have been known to do it too.. not that im proud of it.. im not.. but maybe you should talk to him more about this.. see if thats truly how he feels.. or if he was just kinda blowing off steam.. or see if this is really that big of a deal for him.. maybe it was just a comment and nothing more.. maybe he has thought nothing else about it.. i dunno.. just might want to ask and really talk about it.. see where things are.. :rolleyes:

[Rykitten]

Pinky, I am 25 too and was called boring by my ex many times throughout the relationship. I came to realize (with the help of these fine folks) that we were just interested in different things. He likes to be around large groups of drunkin people that can't hold a convo. . . that just joke around and talk shit to each other. I like to be outdoors and travel. I like to go out a drink occasionally as well, just not 5 nights a week.

Rich your insight is awesome. At times I thought I was a loser because I didn't enjoy hanging out and drinking all the time. I thought something was wrong me. I'd always felt that two people that love and enjoy each other should be satisfied doing the smallest things together, as long as it was together. It's good to know that other people feel that way too :)

Pinky, just because you're past the clubbin stage doesn't mean you're boring. The way I see it, you have two options: You can either compromise and ask him to do the same or find someone who's more your speed. Talk to him and see if he's willing to work with you on this. If not, don't wait for him to make the choice. Find someone who has the same interests as you. Or just enjoy your quiet time alone. Nothing wrong with that. :D

[Howard]

My girlfriend Robin yesterday asked me am I boring you and I said no after 8 months why would I feel bored? I even told her you're very interesting to talk to and where we've gotten up to this point where were getting ual with each other but on the other hand she's still sounds like mother hen! :mad:

[vaiolust]

I totally agree, just because you arent into clubbing, dosent mean your boring.. i am hoping it was just kinda one of those innocent comments.. just one of those things that comes out of nowhere and leaves just the same.. we dont think your boring.. and to me.. if i dont like one thing about my g/f i have 100 things i do like.. and im sure he is the same with you :) keep us posted too

[Howard]

You just have to sit down with each other and find things to do. :)