Is it over?

[PreciousYaya]

thanks for your comment Rich. :)

[Rich]

Unless I read things wrong, you're dealing with a man that starting dating you before he broke up with his GF. And then kept their relationship going right up until he broke it off on the phone that night. There had to have been letters and phone calls between them prior to that. Why didn't he break it off then? Was he telling her that he loved her right up until he broke it off? No wonder she was upset. Misleading individual.

Is this the type of man that you want to be with? You should be nervous about what is taking place.

Obviously there are still feelings between them or he would have broken it off right before she left to go study abroad. He didn't.

Your BF is still not clear on what he wants in life and until he's concise in his thought process as to what he wants, then I think that you're on shaky ground and anything can happen. If you don't want to be on shaky ground with this indecisive individual, then you should probably step away.

It's a guarantee that they will see each other when she returns for a visit or returns full time. You might catch him or you might not. But he'll see her. Do you want that?

Good luck.

[eightball61]

I am trying to make sense of this since you have erased the thread but after reading Rich's response I do have one question.

I remember you once posted about your boyfriend getting extremely jealous over the guys you hung out with because of the past you held with them.....Do you think his doing may have to do with getting back at you for still hanging out with those guys?

[PreciousYaya]

Eightball. well honestly I dont think he's doing this because of me hanging out with my friends. See what happened, I prob. shouldn't have erased the thread but i wanted to make it shorter it was wayy too long. HIs bday was on wednsday and i knew his ex was going to call him. She had called him once before when he was with me, but did not mention me to her. I got a lil upset at that, but he promised he would tell her next time they spoke. Well she called wished him a happy bday this and that, and he told her about me. She started crying and told him how much she loved him. So while he was telling me about the conversation they held, I asked him what he replied when she said I love you, his response, I love you too. I got very upset, not angry, just hurt. So i asked him if he still loves her, and he told me yes. That hurt me sooo much. I mean i know he'll always care forher since they were together for about 7 yrs and their relationship didnt end in bad terms;she decided to go study abroad no real problems. Well i went to the washroom and his cell phone happened to be there, so I decided to look through his messages. Turns out she had texed him 5 times telling him that she loves him and shell be back so they could be together, and that shes his baby and hes hers well alll tat stuff. She also gave him her number and the message said u can call me whenever i'll answer ur call anytime day or night. Well he told me they spoke at around 10:30 am but the messages were from around 3pm which got me thinking did he get the point across that their relationship was over. Otherwise why was she texing him all this stuff. he told me he did, and shes doing that cuz she feels lonely or is jealous. Well he told me he wants to be with me and he is not going to lose me over something stupid like that. Idont find this stupid because i do not want to be sharing his feelings with another woman, even if they are no longer together. Knowing that he still has feelings for her kills me. He said the love he has for her is diff. and then he went on to saying that hes in love with the memories that they had previously. I think he said that just to try to cover up what he had said b4 about still loving her. Well last night he was out with his friends and they asked him who he wants to be with and he told me he couldnt answer that question. He was extremely drunk when i spoke to him. THis morning he said he knows now and wants to be with me. I'm afraid that if i give him a chance that I'll just end up falling deeper for him and it will be so hard to lose him in the end. If it hurts me so much to think about them when shes not here, what will happen when she does return. (in about 3 months) I just dont know what to do anymore. I told him its over, but he keeps trying to reel be back in, and I dont know if its worth it. I believe him when he says he wants to be with me, but i have doubts.

[eightball61]

but i have doubts.


Thanks for the clarifying that up and sorry for making that assumption....

I don't blame you for having your doubts after what happened. The relationship will be hard for a while to get back to where it was. He lied to you about this situation and looking on the cell phone proves further. He lied thinking it make things better when it actually made it worse. I personally saw no harm at first in her calling to wish him happy B-day since you hang out with guys you have a past with but this last conversation takes it to another level. He expressed feelings to another person.........

I really find it hard to believe he may not have feelings for her. I say this because if he didn't have these feelings then what was the point in telling her "I love you"? People just don't tell random people they love them unless they actually. I don't care if his excuse is because he was just being nice he still shouldn't have said it.

The ball is in your court now on what to do. You know the communication between them has to stop and you need to make that known. If you ever find him talking to her again then leave the relationship as fast as you can. He made a mistake and I do hope eventually you may be able to seek peace out of this. I do hope your relationship can continue where it once was but its going to be hard to get it back. He has to be patient and fully understand you side to this....

[PreciousYaya]

Thanks 8ball. Both your and Rich's responses have made me think a lot, and I'm not sure I want to further my relationship with him. I had decided to end it this weekend, but I promised I'd take him out for his b-day and I am not a mean individual who wants to make his bday weekend a bad one. Maybe I'll think things through and give it another shot, but I am hurt because I know he still has feelings for her. Here's another question. He recently gave me rims for my car. Now if i do break up would the correct thing to do be to give them back to him or keep them? Thanks so much for ur response :)

[eightball61]

The rims should be a minor worry right now but they were given to you so you have the right to keep them......It's basically your choice.

Your still upset and confused inside. Maybe holding off is not a bad idea and see what the weekend brings you. When the first part of next week roles around and you are still feeling like this then just end the relationship like you are planning to. It doesn't hurt to stick it out 1 more weekend to see whats up...right? but I do want to add that its going to take more than a weekend to gain back the trust.

[Diablo]

I would bet my right arm that he still loves her. There are guys who say, "love you too" automatically when a woman says she loves him and I might write a comedy routine about that;
"just once I'd like to say, 'Oh shut the up!'" Which I'll do with that rotine for now because we're in mixed company.
Anyway, getting back the point of the thread; chances are that they will get back together when she comes back to the states, so ja, you should go ahead and make a break now. You can date around after a while and it will let him off the hook

[PreciousYaya]

for those of you who know whats going on in my relationship, I will tell you what has happened, and hopefully I can get some advice. Well I'm still with him, but I feel like the relationship has changed for the worse. He tells me its changed for the better because he knows that he wants to be with me and is sure of it. I, on the other hand, feel the opposite. Like i still like him, and I would love to be with him,but everything feels so fake. I do not trust him. I don't trust when he declares his feelings towards me. For example when he says he loves me, in my head all i think is bullshit, you still love her. I have prohibited him from telling me he loves me because instead of feeling good, it hurts me because it just makes me think of him telling me he still loves his ex. Am i wrong in asking this. Last night he told me that it sucks because hes wanted to tell me that he loves me, but holds back because of what i asked him to do for me. There are times when i want to tell him i love him, but i hold back to. right now i feel that if i were to break up with him or him with me, i wouldnt be hurt. I feel like im just with him because I am too used to being with him, and talkin to him everyday. I think it's hard for be to break it off because I'm scared if not ever seeing him or talking to him. What do you guys think I should do. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks

[eightball61]

What do you guys think I should do.

Your feeling like this because you find it hard to trust him even though you don't want to admit to it. It's going to be like this as long as you stay with him. Maybe things may eventually change but its going to take a long time for the trust to ever be rebuilt.