PDA

View Full Version : Unsure of anything Im doing


JupiterJazzP2
05-13-2005, 09:49 PM
There is this girl I have been dating for 11 months, next month would have been our one year, but something is wrong with me, and its hard to describe, Im not entirely sure of what it is myself, so I broke up with her because I didnt want to be with her, and lead her astray thinking everything was cool in our realationship, when I apparently have some issues that I didnt want to burden her with.

Well, since like January, my passion for things has just been, slowly dwindling. Part of myself just, doesnt seem to care about things like I used to. ever since i graduated high school last year, a large majority of my friends have moved, and its like..... sometimes unbearably upsetting. Its like, everywhere I look reminds me old good times Ive had, and bad times, that I'll never get to relive.... the massive amount of nostalgia is near maddening, and it seems to be the only thing that makes me focus mentally. I get so last in thoughts of past events that time flies by without me knowing it entirely.

I care about this girl, she is the sweetest person I have ever encountered in my entire life, her intentions are entirely pure when it comes to social realtions with people, and she always has a way to relaying her opinions without offending people. Shes an enigma, and often, to this day, Im baffled as to why she loves and cares about me so damn much. I have this perfect girl... and its like.... for some reason, my passion for relationships isnt what it used to be, and i know partly why, but i dont understand the increase in apathy lately.

There was this girl Lindsey who I had a things for 5 years ago, which in turn lasted for two years, but we never dated, we were really close friends, but I cared abotu her so much, she had a boyfriend, and that was a partial obstacle. She would show me abnormal amount of affection so thats how I knew she had feelings for me, even though it was NEVER, EVER, spoken aloud. She would lay with me, cuddle with me, talk to me about nearly anything, kiss me, she made me feel special. However, she would never dump her boyfriend, and like,... one day i just lost hope. I always hoped that if I would just hang in there "a little bit longer" that she would see I was a better guy, and that never happened. She and I came to a head over something stupid, and I wouldnt conceed to her demands, and so we stopped talking. She ended up marrying that boyfriend two years ago, and he was sent to Iraq shortly after, and is still there. After close to 3 years of not even seeing her, or speaking to her , I encountered her at the mall, and suprisingly she approached me and talked to me, tension was in the air so hardcorely it wasnt even funny. Its like we were fakely being civil to each other, when I knew one of us wanted to talk about where shit went wrong, and what each of us thought, but, none of us had the balls to do so. She gave me her cellphone number, and after 2 days of contemplation, I called her, and we talked about her life and stuff. Turns out she thinks her husband was cheating on her before he left because of various believable reasons. She in turn tried talking to me about my life, and like, as i was getting started, i realized I had slipped back into some .... zone... or past comfort when we used to talk on the phone till all hours of the night... so i snapped out of it, and told her I had to go. I havent been able to talk to her since, that was in october of last year. I sometimes think about what I should have done in the phone call, but didnt have the balls to do, and now I cant reach her, because she has moved somewhere unknown since then. I dunno.... back in the day when we had our fling , when i cared abotu her so much, and realized she was never going to let the other guy go... it just totally screwed me up thinking I lacked something as a person.... took me years to be able to not care as much, but she was too impactful... and with this recent nostalgia, her prescence mentally, isnt helping

All of my friends are starting to just, do the most stupid things as of late. All my best friend does is smoke pot and drive everywhere bumming as money because he wont get a job, its like, they have no life goals, and my need to want to help them, just, isnt there anymore.... and i feel bad for them, but i just dont want to help them anymore..

I have a good start to a successful military career in the air force in space systems operations and Ill be going into basic training soon. It seems that im the only one who has a plan and wants to be somewhat successful in life.

I just have lost passion for everything in my area... and ultmately that eventually included my near one-year relationship....
I dunno, part of me wanted to be single so badly, because now that I have more confidence with women, i wanted to see how i would fair, and maybe experience being with women who didnt have my ex-g/fs qualities. Shes very nice and all, but, she lacks a degree of confidence in herself, and needs a little bit more time to mature emotionally. Towards the end, its like, all she wanted to do was parade around with me, and do little irrelavent "cutsie" things, that would drive me nuts. She would always to me if i wouldnt make "kissy noises" on the phone to her. I mean, its just not my bag to do "cutsie" things. its stupid.

However, she is the only girl ive ever encountered who likes me for who iam, and doesnt tread on me for the things i like, because she shares the same interests. she thinks scientifically for the most part, but has an artisitic side that I seem to lack, and I love watching her make things. She is a great listener, she honestly listens intently to whatever I have to say, no matter how stupid it is. It just... teh greatest degree of compatibility ive had to date. Plus we've never argued over anything important , or than when we broke up.


Now its like, part of me feel I have made a mistake... because no female other than her has cared about me so much, and I keep asking myself, "Will you find someone like her again? Will you ever encounter someone greater than her?" and I think "no" to both.
Regardless if I stayed with her, we would have broken up later this year, because she is going to california for college, and im going into the military soon enough, and we both know I long distance relationship would have never worked.

I dunno, I see some of my friends with their s/os and theyre just stupid about each other "I can't stop thinking about him/her". I've never been like that...

I dunno whats wrong with me.... I kinda of want to be back with her, because I miss her, but, i think that even if i did, the realtionship would never get back to the height it was at a long time ago, because she will always have doubt. Also, im not sure whether I should have a romantic element in my life right now.... its just... confusing....

Sorry this post was so large. Im not one who usually talks to others about my problems, so I figured if i was gonna do it, id give as much info as i could so i can get near-complete advice.

thanks for reading , for whoever does.

- Jupiter Jazz P2

eightball61
05-13-2005, 10:23 PM
I have a good start to a successful military career in the air force in space systems operations and Ill be going into basic training soon. It seems that im the only one who has a plan and wants to be somewhat successful in life.




You have a good successful start and you should stick to it. As time changes so don't people. When you went from middle school to high school I am sure you saw a change in people then. Now, you see the change from high school to college and the other change will be from party animal to settling down.

You have a nice career out front of you and don't allow your thoughts to clutter that image. You ended your relationship because you are going through a change and you didn't want her to get hurt durning this period. You are matured faster than most of your freinds and you have something that they don't and thats to get yourself established. Eventually, they will hit that time when they need to settle but right now they are doing what they want.

When you enter the military you will hit a new world and you'll have to make adjustments to that. Your sudden change could be preparing yourself for this change. This is why I am telling you to keep on track and allow these changes to happen. The changes may not make sense to you but later down the road it will make perfect sense.

I do want to wish you luck just incase we don't hear from you before you go into the Military. :)

JupiterJazzP2
05-13-2005, 10:41 PM
thank you very much your guidance is appreciated ......greatly.

eightball61
05-13-2005, 10:49 PM
thank you very much your guidance is appreciated ......greatly.


Your welcome, and please keep us updated before you leave on how things are going. Take Care ;)

MDeezy
05-14-2005, 03:44 AM
Wow seems like you've gone thru a lot.

First off its good that you have a plan and a goal, because no one can take away your goals, keep those your number one priority.

In regard to the woman you left close to your one year, it seems like maybe you were afraid of such a serious relationship? Also regardless of the issues you have and didnt want to involve her with, if she loves you she would be willing to go thru them with you, if not when you talk about them she would let you know that she doesnt want to be apart of it.

In regard to your friends who dont seem to be doing much, sadly friends grow apart, and you can help everyone they have to help themselves, its great that you want to get them on the right path, but if they arent willing to do that for themselves then sadly there isnt much you can do, you can hold their hands forever.


Like all of us your growing and continously maturing, many things that you used to do and have a passion for is sadly no longer present. We out grow certain things that we used to do, I've seen this in myself also and some what feel a bit sad about it but realize that we dont stay the same way forever. I wish you the best of luck, stay focused on your goal, you have a good start in the military and keep on that track, woman and such will come to you and you'll mee the right one when the time is right, sadly this could be considered the time when you are getting to know yourself and the type of woman that you know you will want to settle down with.

Rich
05-14-2005, 05:30 PM
You just going through a malaise that almost everyone your age goes through. High school is over, maybe you dated a bit, or maybe you didn't. You're going into adulthood and you're wondering what you're going to do.

You're looking back at what was comfortable, looking forward at an uknown and you're meloncoly over what was.

Just know that life moves on. You have a direction and that's good. My suggestion is to start working out and jogging. This will help you to take you mind off things, get you doing something constructive with your time as well as getting you in shape for basic training.

I was in the USAF from 1985-1989 and know what you'll be going through. Even though the AF isn't the hardest when it come to physical training, there still are minimums that you have to do in order to graduate. Jogging is going to help you.

Also know that the AF is more into mental stress rather that physical stress. The ability to follow orders and attention to detail are paramount. You need to resolve all issues now and go in with a clear head. We had a guy commit suicide because he freaked from the stress.

Just keep your mouth shut and never volunteer for anything.

My suggestion for right now is to go out and date. If it's with this old GF, then just have fun. If you're going away and she's going away, then you both know that deal. Enjoy life.

You're future is ahead of you and there's so much in store. You can have a great future, you just need to grab the bull by the horns. The AF will only be a great experience if you let it.

High school and what happened previously was one stage of your life. Now you're going to enter a new stage. It's just that you have some time before that happens.

It was the same with me. I enlisted in October and didn't leave for Lackland until May. Use this time and have fun because you WILL be busy once you leave. I partied and hung out with friends and family until I left. Enjoy this time.

Things won't be the same for you. The AF will change you.

So right now stop looking back and feeling glum. Instead, look forward and get pumped. Go meet some girls and get laid. Enjoy life right now.

vaiolust
05-16-2005, 02:42 AM
Jupiterjazz part 2, cowboy bebop fan?.. just curious.. well to me it seems like you have just kinda hit that spot of "is this right or not" i believe everyone has that.. but the thing is.. you have to ask if it truly is right or not.. i realize you dont want to lead her on, that is very good of you, but i just think it will all come down to some serious thinking in the end.. its hard, but many times the only way.. I hope the confusion leaves.. and the truth comes.. keep us posted :rolleyes: