JupiterJazzP2
05-13-2005, 09:49 PM
There is this girl I have been dating for 11 months, next month would have been our one year, but something is wrong with me, and its hard to describe, Im not entirely sure of what it is myself, so I broke up with her because I didnt want to be with her, and lead her astray thinking everything was cool in our realationship, when I apparently have some issues that I didnt want to burden her with.
Well, since like January, my passion for things has just been, slowly dwindling. Part of myself just, doesnt seem to care about things like I used to. ever since i graduated high school last year, a large majority of my friends have moved, and its like..... sometimes unbearably upsetting. Its like, everywhere I look reminds me old good times Ive had, and bad times, that I'll never get to relive.... the massive amount of nostalgia is near maddening, and it seems to be the only thing that makes me focus mentally. I get so last in thoughts of past events that time flies by without me knowing it entirely.
I care about this girl, she is the sweetest person I have ever encountered in my entire life, her intentions are entirely pure when it comes to social realtions with people, and she always has a way to relaying her opinions without offending people. Shes an enigma, and often, to this day, Im baffled as to why she loves and cares about me so damn much. I have this perfect girl... and its like.... for some reason, my passion for relationships isnt what it used to be, and i know partly why, but i dont understand the increase in apathy lately.
There was this girl Lindsey who I had a things for 5 years ago, which in turn lasted for two years, but we never dated, we were really close friends, but I cared abotu her so much, she had a boyfriend, and that was a partial obstacle. She would show me abnormal amount of affection so thats how I knew she had feelings for me, even though it was NEVER, EVER, spoken aloud. She would lay with me, cuddle with me, talk to me about nearly anything, kiss me, she made me feel special. However, she would never dump her boyfriend, and like,... one day i just lost hope. I always hoped that if I would just hang in there "a little bit longer" that she would see I was a better guy, and that never happened. She and I came to a head over something stupid, and I wouldnt conceed to her demands, and so we stopped talking. She ended up marrying that boyfriend two years ago, and he was sent to Iraq shortly after, and is still there. After close to 3 years of not even seeing her, or speaking to her , I encountered her at the mall, and suprisingly she approached me and talked to me, tension was in the air so hardcorely it wasnt even funny. Its like we were fakely being civil to each other, when I knew one of us wanted to talk about where shit went wrong, and what each of us thought, but, none of us had the balls to do so. She gave me her cellphone number, and after 2 days of contemplation, I called her, and we talked about her life and stuff. Turns out she thinks her husband was cheating on her before he left because of various believable reasons. She in turn tried talking to me about my life, and like, as i was getting started, i realized I had slipped back into some .... zone... or past comfort when we used to talk on the phone till all hours of the night... so i snapped out of it, and told her I had to go. I havent been able to talk to her since, that was in october of last year. I sometimes think about what I should have done in the phone call, but didnt have the balls to do, and now I cant reach her, because she has moved somewhere unknown since then. I dunno.... back in the day when we had our fling , when i cared abotu her so much, and realized she was never going to let the other guy go... it just totally screwed me up thinking I lacked something as a person.... took me years to be able to not care as much, but she was too impactful... and with this recent nostalgia, her prescence mentally, isnt helping
All of my friends are starting to just, do the most stupid things as of late. All my best friend does is smoke pot and drive everywhere bumming as money because he wont get a job, its like, they have no life goals, and my need to want to help them, just, isnt there anymore.... and i feel bad for them, but i just dont want to help them anymore..
I have a good start to a successful military career in the air force in space systems operations and Ill be going into basic training soon. It seems that im the only one who has a plan and wants to be somewhat successful in life.
I just have lost passion for everything in my area... and ultmately that eventually included my near one-year relationship....
I dunno, part of me wanted to be single so badly, because now that I have more confidence with women, i wanted to see how i would fair, and maybe experience being with women who didnt have my ex-g/fs qualities. Shes very nice and all, but, she lacks a degree of confidence in herself, and needs a little bit more time to mature emotionally. Towards the end, its like, all she wanted to do was parade around with me, and do little irrelavent "cutsie" things, that would drive me nuts. She would always to me if i wouldnt make "kissy noises" on the phone to her. I mean, its just not my bag to do "cutsie" things. its stupid.
However, she is the only girl ive ever encountered who likes me for who iam, and doesnt tread on me for the things i like, because she shares the same interests. she thinks scientifically for the most part, but has an artisitic side that I seem to lack, and I love watching her make things. She is a great listener, she honestly listens intently to whatever I have to say, no matter how stupid it is. It just... teh greatest degree of compatibility ive had to date. Plus we've never argued over anything important , or than when we broke up.
Now its like, part of me feel I have made a mistake... because no female other than her has cared about me so much, and I keep asking myself, "Will you find someone like her again? Will you ever encounter someone greater than her?" and I think "no" to both.
Regardless if I stayed with her, we would have broken up later this year, because she is going to california for college, and im going into the military soon enough, and we both know I long distance relationship would have never worked.
I dunno, I see some of my friends with their s/os and theyre just stupid about each other "I can't stop thinking about him/her". I've never been like that...
I dunno whats wrong with me.... I kinda of want to be back with her, because I miss her, but, i think that even if i did, the realtionship would never get back to the height it was at a long time ago, because she will always have doubt. Also, im not sure whether I should have a romantic element in my life right now.... its just... confusing....
Sorry this post was so large. Im not one who usually talks to others about my problems, so I figured if i was gonna do it, id give as much info as i could so i can get near-complete advice.
thanks for reading , for whoever does.
- Jupiter Jazz P2
Well, since like January, my passion for things has just been, slowly dwindling. Part of myself just, doesnt seem to care about things like I used to. ever since i graduated high school last year, a large majority of my friends have moved, and its like..... sometimes unbearably upsetting. Its like, everywhere I look reminds me old good times Ive had, and bad times, that I'll never get to relive.... the massive amount of nostalgia is near maddening, and it seems to be the only thing that makes me focus mentally. I get so last in thoughts of past events that time flies by without me knowing it entirely.
I care about this girl, she is the sweetest person I have ever encountered in my entire life, her intentions are entirely pure when it comes to social realtions with people, and she always has a way to relaying her opinions without offending people. Shes an enigma, and often, to this day, Im baffled as to why she loves and cares about me so damn much. I have this perfect girl... and its like.... for some reason, my passion for relationships isnt what it used to be, and i know partly why, but i dont understand the increase in apathy lately.
There was this girl Lindsey who I had a things for 5 years ago, which in turn lasted for two years, but we never dated, we were really close friends, but I cared abotu her so much, she had a boyfriend, and that was a partial obstacle. She would show me abnormal amount of affection so thats how I knew she had feelings for me, even though it was NEVER, EVER, spoken aloud. She would lay with me, cuddle with me, talk to me about nearly anything, kiss me, she made me feel special. However, she would never dump her boyfriend, and like,... one day i just lost hope. I always hoped that if I would just hang in there "a little bit longer" that she would see I was a better guy, and that never happened. She and I came to a head over something stupid, and I wouldnt conceed to her demands, and so we stopped talking. She ended up marrying that boyfriend two years ago, and he was sent to Iraq shortly after, and is still there. After close to 3 years of not even seeing her, or speaking to her , I encountered her at the mall, and suprisingly she approached me and talked to me, tension was in the air so hardcorely it wasnt even funny. Its like we were fakely being civil to each other, when I knew one of us wanted to talk about where shit went wrong, and what each of us thought, but, none of us had the balls to do so. She gave me her cellphone number, and after 2 days of contemplation, I called her, and we talked about her life and stuff. Turns out she thinks her husband was cheating on her before he left because of various believable reasons. She in turn tried talking to me about my life, and like, as i was getting started, i realized I had slipped back into some .... zone... or past comfort when we used to talk on the phone till all hours of the night... so i snapped out of it, and told her I had to go. I havent been able to talk to her since, that was in october of last year. I sometimes think about what I should have done in the phone call, but didnt have the balls to do, and now I cant reach her, because she has moved somewhere unknown since then. I dunno.... back in the day when we had our fling , when i cared abotu her so much, and realized she was never going to let the other guy go... it just totally screwed me up thinking I lacked something as a person.... took me years to be able to not care as much, but she was too impactful... and with this recent nostalgia, her prescence mentally, isnt helping
All of my friends are starting to just, do the most stupid things as of late. All my best friend does is smoke pot and drive everywhere bumming as money because he wont get a job, its like, they have no life goals, and my need to want to help them, just, isnt there anymore.... and i feel bad for them, but i just dont want to help them anymore..
I have a good start to a successful military career in the air force in space systems operations and Ill be going into basic training soon. It seems that im the only one who has a plan and wants to be somewhat successful in life.
I just have lost passion for everything in my area... and ultmately that eventually included my near one-year relationship....
I dunno, part of me wanted to be single so badly, because now that I have more confidence with women, i wanted to see how i would fair, and maybe experience being with women who didnt have my ex-g/fs qualities. Shes very nice and all, but, she lacks a degree of confidence in herself, and needs a little bit more time to mature emotionally. Towards the end, its like, all she wanted to do was parade around with me, and do little irrelavent "cutsie" things, that would drive me nuts. She would always to me if i wouldnt make "kissy noises" on the phone to her. I mean, its just not my bag to do "cutsie" things. its stupid.
However, she is the only girl ive ever encountered who likes me for who iam, and doesnt tread on me for the things i like, because she shares the same interests. she thinks scientifically for the most part, but has an artisitic side that I seem to lack, and I love watching her make things. She is a great listener, she honestly listens intently to whatever I have to say, no matter how stupid it is. It just... teh greatest degree of compatibility ive had to date. Plus we've never argued over anything important , or than when we broke up.
Now its like, part of me feel I have made a mistake... because no female other than her has cared about me so much, and I keep asking myself, "Will you find someone like her again? Will you ever encounter someone greater than her?" and I think "no" to both.
Regardless if I stayed with her, we would have broken up later this year, because she is going to california for college, and im going into the military soon enough, and we both know I long distance relationship would have never worked.
I dunno, I see some of my friends with their s/os and theyre just stupid about each other "I can't stop thinking about him/her". I've never been like that...
I dunno whats wrong with me.... I kinda of want to be back with her, because I miss her, but, i think that even if i did, the realtionship would never get back to the height it was at a long time ago, because she will always have doubt. Also, im not sure whether I should have a romantic element in my life right now.... its just... confusing....
Sorry this post was so large. Im not one who usually talks to others about my problems, so I figured if i was gonna do it, id give as much info as i could so i can get near-complete advice.
thanks for reading , for whoever does.
- Jupiter Jazz P2