What can i do to make this relationship work?

[fuglygirl89]

Hi i need some advice. I've been with my bf for 3 yrs 5 mnths now. I wanna spend the rest of my lifetime with him, however, sometimes i feel kinda confused cause i keep feeling down and depressed in this rlshp...I really treasure the good times we have together, but when the bad times come(usually 3 times a week), i feel like its a lil bit too much for me to take

Let me give u a lil background of me and my bf..I'm 21 yrs old and he's 23..im currently pursuing my degree..Im not the materialistic kind of girl, i don't dress up nor do i put on make up..im around 5'5(167cm) and 117 pounds(53kg) and im super flat chested (A cup =x). However, my bf is those gym kind of guy..tho he has no refined abs yet, he has muscular arm.. He has been tellin me to massage my boobs to make em grow bigger, but i've never complained about his 3-inches. He has been telling me to work out to get my butt and abs toned and all but thing is, i accepted him for the way he look, but he doesnt seem happy about my physical appearance and he's always asking me to change them to the way he wants it, which makes me feel very insecure about my physical appearance...

Although i've been with him for 3 yrs plus, I've only talked to 4 of his friends, and that was 3 years ago. Whenever he goes out with his friends or attend to his friends event, he never asked me along..not even once..I feel like im not needed..i feel like he's not proud to have me..

Recently, he has been saying things which hurts me real bad..Things like "u don't deserve much"...I feel so worthless...

I don't share my problems with people...i'll only open to him when i have problem..but he doesnt seem to be interested with my problem..whenever he talks, it'll mostly be about him, or his work..

Im a girl, i am a little sensitive..sometimes i tend to cry in an argument but he don't seem to care..he'd just hang up the phone ..Over the entire course of this relationship, i've walked away from him around 4 times, and in all the 4 times, he never stopped me..Instead he'll message me over the phone to tell me.."You have 10 mins to come back, or you'll never see me"..."6 mins left"..I feel like im treated like a dog. and for most cases, i'd take the initiative to call him to reconcile.

No one's perfect..i admit i have my own flaws..I am an insecure girl and im trying my best to overcome my insecurities..like once he told me he had quit , but 2 yrs later i found out he's still watching..though i feel "cheated" and inadequate each time he watches it, i've learn to adapt to it cause i know i can never please him like those girls can..i don't have great body or big boobs like them...

Im not asking for much, all i want is for him to treat and talk to me nicely instead of spouting hurtful remarks...i don't feel like the "girl" in this relationship at all. But i love him too much to let him go..what should i do?

[smackie9]

You are in a abusive relationship. He knows you are insecure and are easily maipulated and controlled. You need to get out of this relationship and get counseling.

If you can't love yourself no one will be able to either. This BF of yours has pounded down any self respect you ever had. He does treat you like a dog and it is sickening. I assue you, you don't need this person in your life anymore.

[RunsWithScissor]

So, I was MADLY in love with my first serious boyfriend, but it turned out to not be such a good thing. About 6 months into our relationship, he told me that I was "nearing his weight limit." Yes, I had put on a little weight since we started dating, but he was always a good 40 pounds heavier than me, and only 2.5" taller.

He also gave me crap about being a smoker, like he didn't know I was one from the very first night we met. He resented the fact that I am bipolar, and instead of helping me through hard times, he made me more insecure than I had ever been in my life. I knew I should have left him, but I couldn't breathe after just thinking of not being with him. One day, he decided he was done with me and threw me away like a dirty diaper.

It's true. You ARE in an abusive relationship. Abused women will tell you that when the relationship is good, it is super-mecha-awesome, but when it's bad, it is dangerously bad. That is not restricted to physical abuse. It applies to emotional abuse also.

I can tell from your post that you do not have any self esteem which is why you cannot stand up for yourself. It is true also that if you cannot love and respect yourself, no one else will either. After my ex dumped me, I went into intensive therapy for 2 years, and guess what? I am a healthy, happy person now with self esteem. I even stand up for myself now, and have walked away from unhealthy relationships since. I'm not saying you need 2 years of therapy like I did, but you do need to see a counselor to help get you to a healthy place mentally. Try getting The Self Esteem Workbook from Barnes and Noble or Borders. It worked MIRACLES for me, and changed my life!

This guy is a loser and a piece of crap. You need hipocracy in your life like you need a noose around your neck. You want to know how you can make this work? Stand up for yourself and walk out. It may not be the next day or even the next week, but one day you will realize that it was the best thing you could do for yourself, and you'll be proud of it. One day, it will feel good.