My boyfriend thinks hes too smart for his own good!!

[SallyT]

My boyfriend has recently been acting really arrogant and y. He has always been a little of a smartass, but lately to the extend where I actually hate his presence. He happens to know alot about politics and history, things like that, I admit I know less than he does, but I still have knowledge of things. We have had many discussions about issues or people but he
makes me feel stupid..or says things like ' my
education/general knowledge is much more advanced than yours etc' even though I'm the one with the university degree,I never want to be mean and insult him. Also, He acts like I'm not attractive and hes too hot for me. We talk about everything, the other day, a neighbour of one of our friends was looking at me...a very handsome guy.....and asking who I am etc...So I told my boyfriend as a joke....He said " Your're cute but you should see his girlfriend ..shes super hot..I doubt he was looking at you with a girlfriend like that'--In other words , saying that I'm not too cute etc. He also brags about cheating and crap like that as if its a joke. For instance, I called one day to ask how his weekend was since we were away fromeachother for a while...He said what he did and that he went over to 'Tania's' house and slept with her' Tania is a friend of his. When I ask him why he tries to hurt me like that ..he says that he loves the faces that I make when he says it...its very funny. I know hes a joker but those just arent things that a person jokes about. I need serious opinions because I am starting to dislike him and I feel like leaving him. I know he loves me, and he wants to get married since he says it all the time. However, I have been having feelings about him, bad feelings. I resent him a little and I'm afraid if he doesnt stop with the silly jokes or the smart ass attitude I will leave him---love or not. Hes always saying how hot this or that girl is, etc....I am fed up of it all...please help!!!

[SALly]

I think you need to tell him that you don't appreciate his humor anymore. That it has become hurtful, not just joking and funny anymore. If you haven't told him, maybe he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. Then if he continues I would consider ending the relationship. That is no way to go through life.

[inquisitive]

Sorry, but comments like

he said " Your're cute but you should see his girlfriend ..shes super hot..I doubt he was looking at you with a girlfriend like that'

or

He said what he did and that he went over to 'Tania's' house and slept with her' Tania is a friend of his. When I ask him why he tries to hurt me like that ..he says that he loves the faces that I make when he says it...its very funny.

Those are not jokes. If you love someone you don't intentionally hurt them to see the look on their face. That's sick. He's taking pleasure from your pain. There is definitely something very wrong with that!

No wonder you are starting to dislike him. I dislike him just from what you've written.

Degrading you by constantly talking about other women, and cheating on you is unacceptable. My personal opinion is that you should find someone who will love and respect you. You don't deserve to be treated so badly!

[eightball61]

He also brags about cheating and crap like that as if its a joke!!


Cheating is a subject not to joke about when a person is in a relationship......

I would mention that you need to talk to him about this but I really think he won't understand what being an adult is like. This is who he is and you have to either except it or don't except it. This guy who is called "you boyfriend" is making your feelings turn against him. I really wish I could offer productive advice but this type of guy just won't understand. All he will see is everything through his eyes. The is guy needs a wakeup call and if he doesn't wake up to that then he never will.....

[shelby644644]

This screams of a man with major insecurities who has to put you down and make you feel bad to make himself feel better.

Play him at his own game. Talk about something he doesn't understand. Eye up a few guys. Talk about the guy you slept with at the weekend. When he throws a tantrum just smile sweetly and say 'you look so funny when you tantrum'.

Then he'll know how it feels!

If this doesn't work - dump him.

[ary]

About 3 months ago, my boyfriend and I were having some problems and I found out, by mistake, that he went to a club with a girl he met on the net. I confronted him and we had a hugeee argument abot it. I even emailed the girl and bashed her..since I was so angry. She let me know that nothing happened and that she has a bf, and she and my bf are just friends. He told me that nothing happened and that he was just upet. From that day on, I never trusted or felt the same about him. However, we became close again and I was finally starting to feel good about us again. He tells me he loves me on a daily basis etc. Yesterday I was waiting for him to finish a soccer game, while in our car (we live togerther and both 25yrs)....I decided to check his phone and messages. I found 4 text messages that he sent to a new girl ( a non friend that I dont know). In these messages..hes saying that he'll meet her after her work, or drop by.---one said that he'll call her after his soccer game (a previous one) etc. All of these text messages were done while I was at my familys house for the weekend. I dont think hes cheated yet but I think he plans to. I dont know what to do. Should I confront him like the last time....risk pushing him further away and definately cheating..or should I wait for more clues and then end it???...please help....I've been crying secretly when hes not around because it hurts so much that he might be doing the same shit behind my back as he did before. Please Help!!!

[Rich]

SallyT-

A great relationship has two people who respect, appreciate, care for, support, communicate and understand each other.

A great relationship is where you have equality between partners who are both secure in who they are.

A great partner always builds you up, not tears you down.

A great partner talks to you and not at you.

A great partner listens, is caring, understands, is nice and is considerate.

It doesn't sound like you have any of this with this guy. Obvioulsy your partner isn't mature enough to understand what constitutes making a great relationship and it shows by his actions towards you.

The choice is yours whether or not you want to stay and hope that he learns all of this and changes, or you can leave and go find another man that can bring this to the table.

Just know that if you stay that you're going to have tough road ahead of you for whatever period of time it takes for your man to learn all of the above. That you'll always be considerd inferior to him and not on his level until he does learn.

As stated in a previous posting, your BF does have some serious insecurity issues that have probably been brought about by his upbringing. Overcoming so many years of conditioning is hard to do. Not saying that he can't do it, but it will take professional help for him to overcome those feelings.

Good luck

The choice is yours.

[Howard]

A great relationship has two people who respect, appreciate, care for, support, communicate and understand each other.


That's true but with Robin what had happened in the past where she seemed to berate me months ago by saying"lazy, 31 years old and still doesn't have a job yet" etc,etc,etc but the respect seems to be coming back slowly but surely.

[Diablo]

SallyT: There is diffinitely an incompatability here. Some couples like to bicker for fun, but he does and you don't. You both would benefit from finding more compatable people. As for the smartass humor being sick; with some couples, smartass jokes are just part of the relationship, so it's not sick; however, he is carrying it too far when he should know that you're not into it. He seems to be following the old advice, "The worse you are to a woman, the more she'll love you"

[Howard]

A great partner listens, is caring, understands, is nice and is considerate.


and who is also a positive figure in your life and makes you feel good when you're feeling down. :)

[Diablo]

A great partner listens, is caring, understands, is nice and is considerate.


And is also stepped on and/or taken advantage of a lot.

[Rich]

If you are nice, considerate and understanding and you get stepped on or taken advantage of by your SO, then you shouldn't be with that type of person.

If you're talking about in general, then being nice, considerate and understanding doesn't neccessarily mean that you're dumb, gullible or weak.

You get taken advantage by someone only if you let them.

[Howard]

And is also stepped on and/or taken advantage of a lot.



the problem is that I allowed her to step all over me.Now,it seems that Robin's parents are against me cause they don't see that I can hold a job.I've got to try to be more assertive to her.