About 3 months ago, my boyfriend and I were having some problems and I found out, by mistake, that he went to a club with a girl he met on the net. I confronted him and we had a hugeee argument abot it. I even emailed the girl and bashed her..since I was so angry. She let me know that nothing happened and that she has a bf, and she and my bf are just friends. He told me that nothing happened and that he was just upet. From that day on, I never trusted or felt the same about him. However, we became close again and I was finally starting to feel good about us again. He tells me he loves me on a daily basis etc. Yesterday I was waiting for him to finish a soccer game, while in our car (we live togerther and both 25yrs)....I decided to check his phone and messages. I found 4 text messages that he sent to a new girl ( a non friend that I dont know). In these messages..hes saying that he'll meet her after her work, or drop by.---one said that he'll call her after his soccer game (a previous one) etc. All of these text messages were done while I was at my familys house for the weekend. I dont think hes cheated yet but I think he plans to. I dont know what to do. Should I confront him like the last time....risk pushing him further away and definately cheating..or should I wait for more clues and then end it???...please help....I've been crying secretly when hes not around because it hurts so much that he might be doing the same shit behind my back as he did before. Please Help!!!
eightball61
05-18-2005, 11:30 AM
This is your second post asking for help...I though we made it clear in the last post but let me refresh your mind......
GET OUT AND GO LIVE WITH YOUR SISTER
You are stupid for still being there. This guy has proven to be a lier and also disrespects you. Why would you want to stay with a guy like this? You are just holding on to something that is just not there. Instead of being his warm body and you getting hurt by it then just get out. You stated that you have a place to stay if you do leave........ so then go. If you stay your are showing him that you are weak and no matter what you'll be by his side.
After your 2 last threads and all that he has done what is so important that is keeping you to hold on? i really don't understand.....:confused:
ps
here's the refresher.
http://www.RelationshipForums.com/forums/search.php?searchid=7961
Have some self respect and leave. How many times do you need to be hit on the head?
You really need to get to the issues behind why you feel a need to stay in a relationship where someone doesn't care for you as much as you care for them. Obviously he feels a need to search elsewhere for something that he's not getting from your relationship. Or, he's just a cad.
Either way, there are deeper internal issues that are keeping you in that relationship when you should be gone. What are they? Why are you still there? Don't live in fear of how tough your life might be by leaving. Live in love of yourself and that you deserve to be happy and loved as much as you love.
You really need to leave. If you stay it's just going to be more heartache. And yes he can tell you all day, every day how much he loves you. But actions speak louder than words.
Don't be a sucker.
I see it now....now as I'm reading everything over..I will leave him!!!!...hes makes me physically sick...hes selfish..immature and insecure....I can do ten times better!!!!....Thanks Alot
eightball61
05-18-2005, 04:17 PM
I can do ten times better!!!!.
^^ that is right so go out there and do something that will make you happy. Don't ever stick to something that makes you unhappy. Goodluck :)
Here's a lesson for everyone.
There really is no need for hate, anger, depression, disgust or any other negative feeling in regards to a relationship, when YOU are in control.
When it comes to relationships you need to have a goal and or direction in which to head.
Either, you are young, not looking to get married yet and are just out to have fun, or you're of the age that you're looking to meet that special someone to get married to.
In the first scenario, if your only desire is to go out and have fun, then why get all frustrated, pissed off, upset or any other negative feeling when all that you have to do is stop seeing that person? If the relationship gets to be a bother and / or the person that you're with becomes too much work.......THEN JUST LEAVE IT /THEM!!! It's that simple. You don't owe anybody anything if you're honest with who you are when you enter into the relationship.
So what is the big deal there? You know that you're not looking to get married, so there should be no deep level attachment. If you're in a relationship that isn't fun anymore and that is what you're looking for, then leave it. If you're with someone that isn't fun anymore or hurts you, then leave them! If you stay then just get upset with yourself because it's your fault.
Believe it or not, it is that simple. Know this, you control your disposition in this life time, not anyone else.
In the second scenario, if you're looking to get married, then you should have a prepared list of personal traits that you desire in a mate and a list of traits that will make that marriage last.
As you date someone you should always be checking off their traits against what is on your list. If you see that the person that you're dating is coming up short in the trait matching department, then you need to break it off and MOVE ON.
No muss, no fuss. No hatred, no anger. No depression, no saddness. No big dilemma. Just move on.
Remember, your goal is to find a mate to have a succesful, happy marriage with. Just a logical elimination of prospects until you find the right one.
Some people might counter with...but I invested dating 5 - 8 years with this person and I can't just throw that time away.
I would then say that it's your own fault for taking that long to determine what type of person that you were dealing with and that you had no clear definition of what a happy, successful relationship is to compare them too. That's your own fault and don't blame anyone else. You weren't following a plan. You were just adrift.
Relationships are easy people, you just need to know what your purpose and direction are. Why are you dating and who is in control of your life, you or someone else?
And I hear the love birds out there saying....but I love them and they love me.
Know this....love is an emotion that goes up and down, comes and goes, just like any other emotion (fear, saddness, happiness) and great relationships aren't only based on love. It takes more than just love to make a relationship work.
So, as you enter into a relationship, please do love and be loved. But know in your mind that the love that you're feeling is but one item on your list and should not the ONLY item on your list.
If you have love for each other then that's a check in the yes column on your list. Nothing more.
Then just work your way down the list and see if you have openness, acceptance, patience, communication, trust, understanding, passion, intimacy, respect, etc., etc., and etc..
Now do you get the picture?
Take control of who you are and what you want. After all, taking a trip is easy when you know the destination and you have directions on how to get there.
We get pissed off, frustrated and upset when we're trying to get somewhere that we're not really sure where it is and have no directions on how to get there.
Do you have your destination cleary stated? Do you have your directions or check off list?
If your answer is no, then who should you really be pissed at?
eightball61
05-19-2005, 12:10 AM
Can I Get An Amen!!!!!!!
AMEN!!!!!!!!! :D
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