Doug161
09-26-2010, 04:43 PM
I am going to read this to my wife at our first marrige counseling session, I hope I can get through it without crying too much. Sorry for being so long winded...
Lisa,
Before I met you I was a typical loser. Living at Johnny’s in Redbank with no responsibilities other then work. Alcohol, drugs, and late nights were the norm. I met you at Rick’s party totally hung over on a Sunday morning in 1996. We were hanging out at Johnny’s camper when you wandered in and talked with us a while. After you told the toy story with Emily and your mother, I had to ask you out. I had no intentions other then sleeping with you when I asked you out. I fell in love with you in about a week and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you in less then a year, I found you then (and even more so now) very attractive, and I still can’t take my eyes, or hands, off from you. You are all I ever wanted in bed and very seldomly neglect me when I want you. I’m quite sure that the day before I die, I’ll probably think of screwing you one last time. I also want to say that I never thought that I would find someone who would put up with me for more then the three week to six month grace period you get for . I never wanted a child, but when I figured it out, (way before you told me), I knew that it was going to be right. For the record, I still remember the day you got pregnant in what is now Mikey’s room. You told me it wasn’t a good idea but I wasn’t taking no for an answer. He is more then I could ever hope to ask for in a boy. You take better care of him then any kid I know, and I know that you love him more then life itself. I feel so safe and secure when you are with him, I can never thank you enough for that. You keep our house cleaner and in better order then any of the many houses that I go in and out of for work, I honestly don’t know how you do it. There is no laziness in you and hard work doesn’t intimidate you at all, which are two of the most important things that I look for in people. You are intelligent and strong as well, two more qualities that I absolutely insist on to qualify as my friend. I can’t believe how good you are with money, it always seemed to find its way out of my hands before I met you. You are loyal to your friends and have very rarely ever disappointed me in a social situation. I can never imagine being with anyone but you. Most of all, I want to say thank you Lisa, you have given my life a purpose that I never in my wildest dreams thought it would have. I absolutely guarantee that when I’m old and look back at my life, there will be many regrets but you won’t be one of them.
Ok, for the first time ever I can finally sympathize with on what it’s like to go to bed and not sleep at all the entire night. I never want to do that again. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I really wanted to be ok with your trip to Europe. I was doing ok with it too until I got this email…
Hello Lisa.
it was very pleasant to speak with you and Bethany on a terrasse in Dinant, you have a very attractive color of hair. Did you being to the restaurant WIRTZ of about which the waiter(server) spoke to us and to Namur on the party? Proffite of the sun because on Thursday it is finished, it will be cold. If you need information or a translation, my cel phone is 0473676187. Good evening or good day.
Rudy Camby
…I don’t know why this bothered me so much but it did. It wasn’t that I thought that you would cheat on me while in Europe; it was just that I felt like this guy wanted to give you his own personal tour.
I know I told you that I would be jealous of you when you first told me you were going, and I still am. You brought it up about three four months ago for the first time and I tried to tell you how I would feel, although I’m pretty sure you already knew. You just got mad at me because I didn’t support you in everyway in this once in a life time chance. I tried to come up with a compromise and say maybe I could meet you guys for a long weekend in Germany and you said that we could never do that because I was way too expensive with food and drink, never mind the airfare. We didn’t come to any sort of agreement on the issue at that time and it wasn’t brought up again until your sister came up from Tennessee. Bethany was actually the one to mention it in the kitchen. She just said it would be nice if you could go but we still didn’t discuss it as a couple. A few days after having the worst birthday I’ve ever had because my mom called me when she was angry, I found out after the fact that you had booked your ticket. We were on Peaks a few days later and I tried again to tell you how I felt, you were so mad at me that you said you didn’t feel anything for me. I can’t tell you how much that hurt me. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. When I said that maybe we should get divorced, you just complained that that is what I always say. Lisa, if there is ever a chance that you might not feel anything for me, then we need to see a lawyer. I feel that my feelings were legitimate and ignored by you. I also need to bring up the money. I figure that you spent somewhere between two and three thousand (two or three thousand that we won’t have to plan a family vacation) on this trip. Let’s just add it up quick…
Bus- 90
Passport- 60
Clothes, luggage, ect.- 300
Spending money- 1100
Judy- 300
Lost work- 400
Plane ticket- 60?
…When we first discussed this I expressed concern over money and you got mad at me, again. Sometimes I feel like that is your answer anytime that I don’t agree with what you say. You said $250 dollars was all you would need beyond the plane ticket and bus ride. I’ve heard that you can’t gat an ice cream in Paris for $250. Let’s talk about the plane ticket a little more. A few months ago, I noticed a check from your sister on your seat and asked you what it was for. You said that you had bailed her out bigtime and she was repaying you. When I tried to say that it was our money and maybe I should have been involved in the decision, you said it was your money anyways. I got angry at this and you said that you were just kidding, and then made me feel bad by saying that you could never kid with me anymore. I’ve heard you use that phrase ‘my money’ quite a few times before, recently again when you made your bill for Lisa Carroll. I know how hard you worked for that money and I am proud of you, but it is still ‘our money’, not yours to do with as you see fit. Lisa, it is so unfair of you to lend money to anyone without consulting me first. We are a partnership and I expect to be treated as so. What would you say to me if I gave Steve a loan without you knowing? You always complain that I treat you like I was your Father. When you make important decisions on my behalf without consulting me first because you think that you know what is best for me or something, it makes me feel like I have a Mother instead of a wife. I also feel like less of a man when you treat me this way.
You never mentioned the amount of the loan either. I can’t help but feeling like the ticket was partial repayment on that loan. You and your sister made plans months ago and never included me at all. With free rooms and some money for food, I feel like this may have been my only chance to see some of Europe before I die. Another $1,500 on a plane ticket and a few extra hundred spending money, I could have met you guys for a long weekend. You never even remotely considered this. That hurts me so bad I can’t sleep. It brings back all of my feelings of abandonment with you. We have been together for 14 years and you have never once brought me to a high school reunion. Are you embarrassed by me in social situations? I know I’m not great looking, but I clean up well. You always knew that I would have loved to have accompanied you when you made your plans go to reunions, but you always left me out,. It hurts me because I am proud to be seen with you anywhere I go, and feel like you are not with me. It also seems like a lot of times that when we have opportunities to go out as a couple, you just make plans without me and give me an excuse. When I called you last Thursday about Mikey wanting to hear your voice, you just gave me excuses about the phone battery and how it cost too much. You called me twice in the time you were gone and answered the first and only time that I called you. He is eight years old and it almost broke my heart when he came to me and said all sad that he felt like you ditched him and then that you must love your sister Bethany more then him. I know you said how great her kids were at the grandparents and all, but maybe Mikey is a little different from them, or maybe she’s gone away before, or maybe they’re just better kids. I feel like you could have called at lunch and said good morning to him without too much trouble, can the excuses; you always seem to have one.
There are many more instances of you making major decisions for our family without consulting me first and making plans without me because I’m the easiest babysitter or something. Besides all of this, I also have other important unresolved issues with you, which I am choosing to not go into at this time. I freely admit that my personal flaws are many and you are a saint for putting up with me. I’m willing to work on the ones that bother you most if you would care to share them with me. I desperately want to be a better husband for you and a better dad for our beautiful son, please help me if you can. I am not willing to stay with you any longer if I continue to feel like I am not your equal partner in life and in marriage.
I love you so much it hurts,
Always your bear
...what do you guys think? I hope she sees the positive side to all this and decides to work it out.
Thanks,
Doug
Lisa,
Before I met you I was a typical loser. Living at Johnny’s in Redbank with no responsibilities other then work. Alcohol, drugs, and late nights were the norm. I met you at Rick’s party totally hung over on a Sunday morning in 1996. We were hanging out at Johnny’s camper when you wandered in and talked with us a while. After you told the toy story with Emily and your mother, I had to ask you out. I had no intentions other then sleeping with you when I asked you out. I fell in love with you in about a week and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you in less then a year, I found you then (and even more so now) very attractive, and I still can’t take my eyes, or hands, off from you. You are all I ever wanted in bed and very seldomly neglect me when I want you. I’m quite sure that the day before I die, I’ll probably think of screwing you one last time. I also want to say that I never thought that I would find someone who would put up with me for more then the three week to six month grace period you get for . I never wanted a child, but when I figured it out, (way before you told me), I knew that it was going to be right. For the record, I still remember the day you got pregnant in what is now Mikey’s room. You told me it wasn’t a good idea but I wasn’t taking no for an answer. He is more then I could ever hope to ask for in a boy. You take better care of him then any kid I know, and I know that you love him more then life itself. I feel so safe and secure when you are with him, I can never thank you enough for that. You keep our house cleaner and in better order then any of the many houses that I go in and out of for work, I honestly don’t know how you do it. There is no laziness in you and hard work doesn’t intimidate you at all, which are two of the most important things that I look for in people. You are intelligent and strong as well, two more qualities that I absolutely insist on to qualify as my friend. I can’t believe how good you are with money, it always seemed to find its way out of my hands before I met you. You are loyal to your friends and have very rarely ever disappointed me in a social situation. I can never imagine being with anyone but you. Most of all, I want to say thank you Lisa, you have given my life a purpose that I never in my wildest dreams thought it would have. I absolutely guarantee that when I’m old and look back at my life, there will be many regrets but you won’t be one of them.
Ok, for the first time ever I can finally sympathize with on what it’s like to go to bed and not sleep at all the entire night. I never want to do that again. I know you probably don’t believe me, but I really wanted to be ok with your trip to Europe. I was doing ok with it too until I got this email…
Hello Lisa.
it was very pleasant to speak with you and Bethany on a terrasse in Dinant, you have a very attractive color of hair. Did you being to the restaurant WIRTZ of about which the waiter(server) spoke to us and to Namur on the party? Proffite of the sun because on Thursday it is finished, it will be cold. If you need information or a translation, my cel phone is 0473676187. Good evening or good day.
Rudy Camby
…I don’t know why this bothered me so much but it did. It wasn’t that I thought that you would cheat on me while in Europe; it was just that I felt like this guy wanted to give you his own personal tour.
I know I told you that I would be jealous of you when you first told me you were going, and I still am. You brought it up about three four months ago for the first time and I tried to tell you how I would feel, although I’m pretty sure you already knew. You just got mad at me because I didn’t support you in everyway in this once in a life time chance. I tried to come up with a compromise and say maybe I could meet you guys for a long weekend in Germany and you said that we could never do that because I was way too expensive with food and drink, never mind the airfare. We didn’t come to any sort of agreement on the issue at that time and it wasn’t brought up again until your sister came up from Tennessee. Bethany was actually the one to mention it in the kitchen. She just said it would be nice if you could go but we still didn’t discuss it as a couple. A few days after having the worst birthday I’ve ever had because my mom called me when she was angry, I found out after the fact that you had booked your ticket. We were on Peaks a few days later and I tried again to tell you how I felt, you were so mad at me that you said you didn’t feel anything for me. I can’t tell you how much that hurt me. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. When I said that maybe we should get divorced, you just complained that that is what I always say. Lisa, if there is ever a chance that you might not feel anything for me, then we need to see a lawyer. I feel that my feelings were legitimate and ignored by you. I also need to bring up the money. I figure that you spent somewhere between two and three thousand (two or three thousand that we won’t have to plan a family vacation) on this trip. Let’s just add it up quick…
Bus- 90
Passport- 60
Clothes, luggage, ect.- 300
Spending money- 1100
Judy- 300
Lost work- 400
Plane ticket- 60?
…When we first discussed this I expressed concern over money and you got mad at me, again. Sometimes I feel like that is your answer anytime that I don’t agree with what you say. You said $250 dollars was all you would need beyond the plane ticket and bus ride. I’ve heard that you can’t gat an ice cream in Paris for $250. Let’s talk about the plane ticket a little more. A few months ago, I noticed a check from your sister on your seat and asked you what it was for. You said that you had bailed her out bigtime and she was repaying you. When I tried to say that it was our money and maybe I should have been involved in the decision, you said it was your money anyways. I got angry at this and you said that you were just kidding, and then made me feel bad by saying that you could never kid with me anymore. I’ve heard you use that phrase ‘my money’ quite a few times before, recently again when you made your bill for Lisa Carroll. I know how hard you worked for that money and I am proud of you, but it is still ‘our money’, not yours to do with as you see fit. Lisa, it is so unfair of you to lend money to anyone without consulting me first. We are a partnership and I expect to be treated as so. What would you say to me if I gave Steve a loan without you knowing? You always complain that I treat you like I was your Father. When you make important decisions on my behalf without consulting me first because you think that you know what is best for me or something, it makes me feel like I have a Mother instead of a wife. I also feel like less of a man when you treat me this way.
You never mentioned the amount of the loan either. I can’t help but feeling like the ticket was partial repayment on that loan. You and your sister made plans months ago and never included me at all. With free rooms and some money for food, I feel like this may have been my only chance to see some of Europe before I die. Another $1,500 on a plane ticket and a few extra hundred spending money, I could have met you guys for a long weekend. You never even remotely considered this. That hurts me so bad I can’t sleep. It brings back all of my feelings of abandonment with you. We have been together for 14 years and you have never once brought me to a high school reunion. Are you embarrassed by me in social situations? I know I’m not great looking, but I clean up well. You always knew that I would have loved to have accompanied you when you made your plans go to reunions, but you always left me out,. It hurts me because I am proud to be seen with you anywhere I go, and feel like you are not with me. It also seems like a lot of times that when we have opportunities to go out as a couple, you just make plans without me and give me an excuse. When I called you last Thursday about Mikey wanting to hear your voice, you just gave me excuses about the phone battery and how it cost too much. You called me twice in the time you were gone and answered the first and only time that I called you. He is eight years old and it almost broke my heart when he came to me and said all sad that he felt like you ditched him and then that you must love your sister Bethany more then him. I know you said how great her kids were at the grandparents and all, but maybe Mikey is a little different from them, or maybe she’s gone away before, or maybe they’re just better kids. I feel like you could have called at lunch and said good morning to him without too much trouble, can the excuses; you always seem to have one.
There are many more instances of you making major decisions for our family without consulting me first and making plans without me because I’m the easiest babysitter or something. Besides all of this, I also have other important unresolved issues with you, which I am choosing to not go into at this time. I freely admit that my personal flaws are many and you are a saint for putting up with me. I’m willing to work on the ones that bother you most if you would care to share them with me. I desperately want to be a better husband for you and a better dad for our beautiful son, please help me if you can. I am not willing to stay with you any longer if I continue to feel like I am not your equal partner in life and in marriage.
I love you so much it hurts,
Always your bear
...what do you guys think? I hope she sees the positive side to all this and decides to work it out.
Thanks,
Doug