he's not attracted to me anymore!

[naimkay]

my 5 year long relationship with my boyfriend isnt going so well. for the first few years it was great but no he is aggressive (physically and mentally) he speaks to me like complete sh*t and belittles me infront of anyone that comes round. i suffered from depression for 3 years and went off for a year and a half due to personal stuff and now im better he doesnt want to know because quote "i did it to him so now i no how it feels". all i want is to be close to him as i love him to pieces but everytime we argue he tells me he's not attracted to me anymore and he's embarrassed by me which is why he doesnt want me to go out with him on a night, he wont even let me walk around asda with him to do the shopping i have to wait in the car. he blames everything on me and tells me im worthless. i really want to sort things out with him but i dnt think we can, am i really that much of a disappiontment to him and do i discust him that much that he isnt attracted to me anymore. what should i do? advice please? x

[AlwaysHungry]

Get the heck outta dodge!!! Do not pass go, do not collect $200, just get out now. You need to get out of this or it will ruin your life. I promise, within a month of being apart, things will feel way better.

[ghost33]

Hey there,

First off, I do not know how you look, but everyone is beutiful ;).

I am sorry about the problems you are having. Depression is a serious thing to have. And the people around you should offer you support in any way possible. You went off of for a year and a half, and thats a long time. You had your personal reasons but it does not seem he understood nor understands.

As being a guy, and being honest it is really hard to go a year without any or ual activities with your other half. But if reasons are there then the companionship should kick in. I am sure you had many talks about it, as it seems it is very importaint to him.

Now when you are better, he could just be letting his anger out by saying i did it to him so now i no how it feels" . Although thats completly wrong to do, this seems his way of getting back at you.

Now why should anyone get mad at you if you have a personal reason? No one who is understanding. Which you have to be to be in a relationship.

Depending on how importaint is to him, he has built anger towards you for it. And its not your fault and you have to understand that. You had personal reasons why you could not, and as your life partner he needs to understand that.

I am sure you have tryied to explain over and over again from what it sounds. But it seems he does not want to understand, as he feels as if you attacked him personally which is not true.


That he is still with you and in this situation says alot as well, there is love there. If not if he is so ashamed he would have been gone by now. So he still loves you and i think he is lost and does not know what to feel and at that how to express it. Thereby going into a defencive.

Now I really hate to post this but i want to give you honest advise.

Make sure you go to the place he does not want you to be with him. Based on your post and the way you told it, it sounds like he is cheating, but that could also not be the case. Let me explain.

If he says thoughs things, you had not had in a year, he wont let you go in certain areas, go out with him... and so on but is still with you... He could have made friends in that area that know of a new girl that he has been seeing and is trying to make sure you do not come in contact with that friend circle. One way of hiding an affeair.

But on the other side keeping you on a leash for saftly. What if the other relationship does not work out? Then he can fall back on you, as you will be there.

Now, I am not saying to you that he is cheating! I am just saying that you should keep your eyes open, head up and find out why.

If he truly thinks that you are worthless then he would not be with you! If he truly discust him then he would not be with you!

So you are neither of those things!. Who wants to be with someone they think is worthless or discusting? No one. So there is a reason he is still there, either he does love you but is not sure now how to show it, he is mad which he has no grounds to be or he is cheating on you and using you as a secruity fall back.

On the otherside, why would he tell you that you are those things?

You said he says those things when you argue. He knows those things bother you, and it could be his way of putting you down thereby taking control over the conversation.

Do not let those things bother you if he says them and you decied to stay together, because you know that you are not those things. If not he would have broke it off a long time ago, so in some twisted way he does love you, is attracted to you but does not care about your feelings or know how much it bothers you.

If he says these things then know that you are not, because if you ask him "well if i am embarracing then why are you together with me? So you are saying that you like being with someone who you think is embaracing??" I do not think he will know what to say. Be careful though if you want to stay together, because that question(s) can lead to a fast break up.

Just dont get hurt any more. You are a strong woman and can do and be anything you set your mind too,.

And as a side note: I could bet you there would be a line of guys waiting if you were single as you are young, beutiful and worth it.


Hope this helps and brightens your day.

Ghost33a

[Kirstylou]

Sounds like he's the worthless one! Any true love wud stand by u thick n thin!
Bin him hun ur wastin ur time!!

[naimkay]

but we have been through alot and im worried that i will be alone for the rest of my life. i love him to pieces and cant imagine not being with him. sometimes i picture myself walking out bags packed but then i think i have no where to go and no friends left and i picture myself sat in a door way near mcdonalds begging for scraps until i can afford a place which would take about a month. at home all my money goes into the house.

[Rich]

Since this is the couples section of the web site and not the marraige section, I have to ask in all sincerity, what the hell are you still doing in the relationship???

People only treat us like crap only if we let them. You let him treat you that way. Get the hell out of the relationship.

[massgirl]

Sometimes I feel like I allow my boyfriend to treat me badly, but if he ever behaved like this, I would be out of there! I know it's easier said than done when you love someone but he is going to destroy your self-esteem and make you hate yourself. Please leave this guy. What could you possibly still love about someone who treats you like that? Have you asked him to go to couples therapy with you?