FIGHTING & FUSSING

[Smith To Be]

we have been doing alot of it lately...i am not always an easy person and say things blunt...im working on it...but everything that goes wrong he always blames himself...even the smallest. he keeps saying he dont know what to do, he is trying his hardest etc...see i am not working yet so it has been financially difficult so if i go to the fridge to look for something and we have no more its his fault, if i 4-get to do something its his fault...i am getting tired of him blaming himself for things that are not even an issue. i know he wants to provide for me more than he can but right now he cant and thats fine...he thinks when i go to NY to get my car i am gonna see all that i am missing and not come back...he has been jaded twice but his 2 ex's which were BRUTAL...they cheat, lied, didnt cook clean do laundry work nothing....he would work 2 jobs so they could go spend it with someone else (he later found out) i could see how that would scar someone and he has come a long way since i have know him to trust again and open his heart...but when he feels attacked he shuts down goes in the other room turns up the tv wont let me get a word in once or twice he left (drove around the block and came back)...i cook clean fold his underwear and pack lunch...he is not use to it...i am trying to talk to him and communicate in an understanding way...we are now making "an observation" when we want to say something...but most of the time what i say back he takes the wrong way...i dont want it to come to the point where i am afraid to say anything to him...will he get over this?????

[eightball61]

This is a big change from your previous post when you were raving about how great this relationship was..... :confused:


He could have had a rough past where he was blamed a lot and you should try to find that out. I can't say for sure if he'll ever get over this but just communicate these feelings you wrote to us back to him and take it from there. You don't want to hound him but try to help and guide him to better
self-esteem.


Goodluck :)

[Smith To Be]

oh it is good, very passionate, its just blending and there are kinks....he is very affectionate always and i find myself very lucky, this is all new to me.

[eightball61]

this is all new to me.


What's new? a relationship?

[Smith To Be]

maybe that was the wrong choice of words..im 31 he is 30..i have been in a serious relation of 7 years and it ended civil...i want this union now to work and i am actively trying to communicate all aspects with him when needed...i am always able to understand where he is coming from (even if i dont agree fully) but sometimes it doesnt work the other way around...my last relationship there was no i mean no communication at all...it was his way and i dealt with it...my fault and i see how it can hurt a relationship and how you can become bitter...i have grown since then, learned from mistakes and dont want to make them here...i dont know if it is a fault i tend to be extremely analytical until i understand the situation....but dont do it in an interrogating way

[eightball61]

Are you by any chance trying to compare this guy to your last relationship? if you are he will never be your ex.

[AlexCrystal]

how long have you been with this guy? (total..including before you moved there)

[Diablo]

Just out of curiosity, do you hang out at The Downtown Trading Company in Tuscaloosa, Alabama? That would be weird for a net person to be someone I jaw with locally.

As for your problem; it sounds like that he is effected by a previous relationship and you may need the patience of Job for this to work. He also sounds like his sense of self-esteem needs a little building up. No one still single at 30 has no baggage; just hang with it and encourage any interest that he gets into that would be good for his self-esteem.