Help - advice needed

[bagpuss20]

Asked for advice not to be put down and things added in. Post Deleted.

[eightball61]

You don't believe in "termination (as you say)" but then you do believe in cheatng...:confused:....I am sure your excuse for cheating would be because of your BF and if thats the case then you gotta make the smart decision and go.......

You have been a mother for 4 months now and you need to act like it. You know you BF won't act like a father so this child needs to have a parent tending to them. If you can't handle the job then you need to give the child to someone who can. Your BF is also a "violent person(as you quoted)" and you really don't want your child growing up with that type of abuse whether its physical or verbal.

You need to make a smart decision here and as a mother you need to base it on whats better for your child. If you put your child first it will also help you to make the right move and be a caring parent.

Do you kinda see the point I am trying to make?

[bagpuss20]

Same as First post in this.

[bagpuss20]

All posts cancelled by bagpuss20.

[bagpuss20]

Can see your point of view in some cases but I did not state that I could not look after my child or that my partner was not being a father to the child.

[eightball61]

I didn't say you couldn't parent this child. I am saying you both need to find a role into being parents.

Let takes a closer look at your situation...

He is abusive...it may not be physically but there is a enough abuse there for you to mention it.

You cheated on your BF....You are afraid to hang with these people again because the guy you cheated with is still expressing his problems in his relationship and you both are still talking about (as you mentioned).

My approach was not to knock you but make you aware the you have a 4 month old child that you need to look after. A parents goal is to protect thier child from harm or hurt. Being with someone that abuses is not the way to have a child grow unless he changes his ways. He needs to see his problem and seek professional help so he can be the caring father and also a potential caring husband. If he cares for you and the child he needs to act like it. The same goes for you and if you feel what you did was a mistake and you don't want it to happen again then you need to seek other friends instead of still talking to this old cheating guy about stuff.

You both are adults with a child you both need to stop making these mistakes and build a loving home for this child. This is not about knocking you....its about common sense.

[bagpuss20]

I never said I was talking to him about my problems I said we still WANT each other and it wasn't a mistake. Neither of us have any regrets!! Let's just leave it at that and hope Admin will remove the thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[eightball61]

Here you are a mother to a 4 month year old baby and trying to fix the relationship. The only way you can fix your relationship is regretting what you did and try to move into the future with your current boyfriend. You both have internal issues that need to be fixed but you both need to see the problem.

If you don't regret what you have done and you like to continue then its best you get out of the relationship.....I am sure you would be torn if your boyfriend had a ual relationship with another women and had no regrets.

You need to put yourself in his shoes as well as yours. You both have made mistakes and its now time to fix them or end the relationship. Your relationship is just stalled right now because you both are not doing anything to fix the issues.

I am sorry you took offense to my post but I am very unsure to what you want :confused:. We are here to analyze your situation and try to make sense of the blind spots..... Your main focus right now as I see should be your child. I never said you couldn't be a mother but you do need to make mother like decisions.

If you want to aim to get this relationship back going then you need to take a look back to where the problem was created and try to work it out from there. If the cheating continues and him being abusive then your gonna find yourself trapped and unable to get out.

Relationships set a foundation between 2 people. Those 2 people should have a goal to form a partnership, have communicate, to trust each other, and to be honest to each other. You and your BF are going on opposite sides of the road and you should be going down the same side together...but hey I guess you can't see it that way and until you do this all will continue.

Goodluck, take care, & stay safe.

8ball


p.s.
Remember that you are the one that titled this "Help -Advise Needed" & thats what I have done. When you post on sites like this you have to realize that we all have different opinions and views even though you may not agree with some.

[shelby644644]

Well said Eightball, we come to Relationship Forums for advice - and sometimes we don't like what we hear. But that's what it's for - other people's opinions on our situation. We accept or we decline - the choices are our own at the end of the day.
Don't ask if you don't want to hear...