e, Need to rant!

[HannahBanana25]

Hi, My name is Hannah. I'm a 19 year old female from Albuquerque NM. I have been with my fiance for almost 2 years, engaged since Christmas of 09' living together since New Years day. We have had our ups and downs to say the least... He is 23 and a jackass :oP most the time. He was great at first, then he started being very jealous and controlling.... He started by telling me if I didn't cut off all my opposite friends, he would leave me... Then he tried and tried to come between me and my family which didn't work very well but did create distance for a while. He has never admitted and I have never caught him red handed but I am pretty sure he has cheated on me with his ex.... UGH!!!! Anyone relate???

[Rich]

Hannah-

True love doesn't look to control and dictate. True love rather provides freedom to grow and it nurtures.

Your Fiance doesn't know what true love is and I'm sure that you heard all of this before, but you both (especially you) are waytoo young to be getting married and being tied down for the rest of your life.

Trust me when I say this, that you are now coming into the greatest time period of your life and you DO NOT want to be tied down to anyone.

You have lived under someone elses rules for pretty much all of your life up until this point and have had to answer for your actions/wants and now you're coming into a time of freedom in which you can do what you want, when you want and with whoever you want to do it with. Why do you want to go from one controlling situation inot another without ever getting the opportunity to be free?

Read this site and any other site about people who have been in committed relationships from their teen years and you will see that they all run into trouble in the mid to late 20's. This is because they start to wish that they experienced the freedom thhat they see all their friends have and had to chance to have fun before the realities of life (marraige) hit home.

You have your whole rest of your life to be married, have kids, pay bills, buy a house, a car and be weighed down by all of those responsibilities that will makek you tired and will put you on the verge of a break down. Trust me, it's not the glamorous life that it's sometimes portrayed on TV. This isn't play house and it's all a fairy tale.

Life's tough and it's going to be tough for a few decaded for you, so why not take the time now to have the time of your life and to ENJOY life?

If you get tied down now, then you WILL regret doing it in say, 3-10 years from now and will look to get out of your relationship. Only then you will probably have kids and it will be harder to get out and you will negatively affect your kids by another failed marraige and mommy and daddy not being together.

Bottom line is that your fiance still has some maturing to do and is not providing a nurturing relationship to you. Instead he has insecurities about himself that are driving him to try and control you.

You both still have some growing up and maturing to go through and I suggest breaking up and living your lives, gaining some real life experience and GROWING. Experience is the best teacher and you can't gain that by being tied down.

Not says that you both can't get back together 5-10 years from now and get married if that's what you want to do. Don't get married because you're afraid to lose someone.

Relationships are like zoos. Some are like the old zoos where the animals are kept locked up and in cages and others are like natural habitats where animals are free to roam but are "restricted". It's proven that animals locked up in cages are "depressed" and don't grow in a positive manner.

Seems like your fiance is trying to keep you in a cage.

True love trusts and your fiance doesn't trust you. He feels that you'll find someone else and will leave him. Hence why he is trying to control who you have access to.

Is that the type of love that you're looking for or want from your partner?

In life there are always two paths to travel down when making a decision. One path is love and the other is fear. Love is postive and fear is negative. Making decisions based on fear will always lead to negative results.

Always choose the path of love when making a decision. Always ask your self, what would love do?

You fiance is basing his decisions about you and your relationship on fear. The fear of losing you. Whereas love would say to give freedom and to trust the love that you have for each other. We all fear being hurt, but it's a fear. Love to love. Nurture your partner. Give them your support and the freedom to grow into the person that they came here on earth to become. The heart is a beautiful thing and watching a heart grow is amazing.

A person to be with is one that will want your heart to grow and will give you the love, support and freedom to helpp you be all that you can be.

True love never restricts.

Take a step back from your relationship and honestly look at it from a distance. Ask yourself if your relationship is nurturing or restricting? Does your BF give you freedom or rather seeks to take it away? Are you growing, or stagnating/shrinking?

Then be an adult and do what you need to do for you. I'm that there will be hurt in gaining freedom, but stay based on fear. Move on based on your love for you and what you want to become.

[Rich]

Man I wish that there was an edit function on this site like there used to be so that I could go back and corrrect my grammer.

Excuse my fat fingering in the post above.

[smackie9]

Even though we may have our destination set, there will be bumps in the road that we hit and sends us in a different direction. You are very lucky you hit this bump in the road because you would have been sent over a cliff. Someone slipping a ring on your finger seems to be the prize that every girl dreams of. Well I tell you this marriage ain't no fairytale.

Rich is right, most of these teenage/adult relationships don't last. Some of my guys friends and other posters on here that had a teenage GF were dumped. Your fiance saw you developing into an adult and gaining independence. This is what made him become possessive and paranoid. He wanted to keep you as the vulnerable teenager that he met 2 years ago. So you have to stop and think, is this the reason why he was attracted to you in the first place?