Rosy
11-24-2010, 10:42 AM
Hello everybody,
I am desperate and i don't know who to speak to, so i will appreciate any kind of advice or opinion on my issue.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, we love eachother a lot but i think that our love has faded. I have began to notice it and started giving off signs that i am scared to loose him, where as it only made the situation worse as i have once again reassured him that i am not going anywhere and he doesnt need to make an effort anymore. We have been living together as well we are both in our 20s, our relationship was more like a marriage without the rings on our fingers. He started to become distant, we began to not spend any time together. One day out of nowhere he decided that we should break up as he also decided that he wants to go to study abroad for 4 years and he wants to do it alone. A couple of hours later he called crying and sayig that he made the biggest mistake of his life and he cant live without me, i accepted his apology and we were back together.
Then it only got worse because he wanted to be with me and wanted to go live abroad. Just to fill you in, he does not need that degree, as first of all he doesnt care about studying at all, second of all his family have a very successful business and it has long ago been decided that he will take it over, and his family will teach him everything as it is more of a pratical knowledge needed than the theory or papers from some university + we have good universities at our country so it was a 100% that he only wanted to go there to get that experience and enjoy himself, studying was just an excuse that he used to hide the real reason, and he knew that i could not target it. After countless arguments, i have tried all approaches, crying, being angry, being upset, being lovable nothing worked! He kept trying to reassure me that we can go though this and that if he will feel that we are on an edge of breaking up, he will come back without any second thoughts, i ofcourse understand that those words are just words to retain me from starting another argument.
It has been 3 months since he is there, i have lost 10 kgs, pretty much look like a dead person alive. I cant sleep, i cant eat, i dont't have the will to get out of bed in the morning.He is not doing anything terrible. But he sleeps untill 3 in the afternoon and goes out untill 7 in the morning, nearly every night. He does not study at all and doesnt hide it, tells his friends that he doesnt study at all and that he loves it there. He will do some studying last minute just not to fail the class, i was pretty sure that he was going to be like that. He met a group of people, mostly girls, and now they are inseperable. In particular there is this 1 girl that i have a very bad feeling about, i can feel that he likes her and so does she. Because he lied to me before about some things, and after he was threatened that i will leave him, he promised to come back when i calmed down he changed his mind like it was nothing, so i am sure that he doesnt see coming back as an option.
I have become obssesed over this situation and began to spy on his conversations on line, i know that it is a horrible thing to do, but i dont want to wait for him for 4 years while he cheats and maybe one day decides to leave me. I cant suffer any longer, if there is something going on i want to know so i can end it and begin a long process of getting over him. Him and this girl speak nearly every day, as soon as she comes online they begin talking nothing terrible in particular but constant jokes, and i feel that he makes an effort with her, if she doesnt reply he will message her again so i can see that he is seeking comunication with her. But why they see eachother neraly every day, as they are in 1 group of friends? I am so confused that this seems very wrong to me, i dont understand why would a commited person who has no intention of cheating constantly want to talk to one particular girl just talking, nothing about studying or if he wanted something from her. And he also asked her to go for a cofee, alone. I confessed my worries about her once but he said that they are just friends, and he hardly talks to her, and all those other things that men say, i love u, i would never cheat. A couple of days later in a normal converstion i mentioned her again, and again he denied speaking to her at all, although i know that they were speaking the previous day. So he lies. He doesnt speak to any other girls in his group or very rarely, just if he needs something.
I am sorry for such a long explanation, i just wanted to give all the details, to make my situation clearer. I basicly want to give him an ultimatum when he comes for holiday, either me or him partying there. I know that it might seem selfish but i am not preapared to sit still and witness him partying while i am miserable. And he knows that i am miserable. I dont know what to do. Please help, i just want to hear a different non bias opinion. Oh and me moving there is not an option.
Best regards
Rosy
I am desperate and i don't know who to speak to, so i will appreciate any kind of advice or opinion on my issue.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, we love eachother a lot but i think that our love has faded. I have began to notice it and started giving off signs that i am scared to loose him, where as it only made the situation worse as i have once again reassured him that i am not going anywhere and he doesnt need to make an effort anymore. We have been living together as well we are both in our 20s, our relationship was more like a marriage without the rings on our fingers. He started to become distant, we began to not spend any time together. One day out of nowhere he decided that we should break up as he also decided that he wants to go to study abroad for 4 years and he wants to do it alone. A couple of hours later he called crying and sayig that he made the biggest mistake of his life and he cant live without me, i accepted his apology and we were back together.
Then it only got worse because he wanted to be with me and wanted to go live abroad. Just to fill you in, he does not need that degree, as first of all he doesnt care about studying at all, second of all his family have a very successful business and it has long ago been decided that he will take it over, and his family will teach him everything as it is more of a pratical knowledge needed than the theory or papers from some university + we have good universities at our country so it was a 100% that he only wanted to go there to get that experience and enjoy himself, studying was just an excuse that he used to hide the real reason, and he knew that i could not target it. After countless arguments, i have tried all approaches, crying, being angry, being upset, being lovable nothing worked! He kept trying to reassure me that we can go though this and that if he will feel that we are on an edge of breaking up, he will come back without any second thoughts, i ofcourse understand that those words are just words to retain me from starting another argument.
It has been 3 months since he is there, i have lost 10 kgs, pretty much look like a dead person alive. I cant sleep, i cant eat, i dont't have the will to get out of bed in the morning.He is not doing anything terrible. But he sleeps untill 3 in the afternoon and goes out untill 7 in the morning, nearly every night. He does not study at all and doesnt hide it, tells his friends that he doesnt study at all and that he loves it there. He will do some studying last minute just not to fail the class, i was pretty sure that he was going to be like that. He met a group of people, mostly girls, and now they are inseperable. In particular there is this 1 girl that i have a very bad feeling about, i can feel that he likes her and so does she. Because he lied to me before about some things, and after he was threatened that i will leave him, he promised to come back when i calmed down he changed his mind like it was nothing, so i am sure that he doesnt see coming back as an option.
I have become obssesed over this situation and began to spy on his conversations on line, i know that it is a horrible thing to do, but i dont want to wait for him for 4 years while he cheats and maybe one day decides to leave me. I cant suffer any longer, if there is something going on i want to know so i can end it and begin a long process of getting over him. Him and this girl speak nearly every day, as soon as she comes online they begin talking nothing terrible in particular but constant jokes, and i feel that he makes an effort with her, if she doesnt reply he will message her again so i can see that he is seeking comunication with her. But why they see eachother neraly every day, as they are in 1 group of friends? I am so confused that this seems very wrong to me, i dont understand why would a commited person who has no intention of cheating constantly want to talk to one particular girl just talking, nothing about studying or if he wanted something from her. And he also asked her to go for a cofee, alone. I confessed my worries about her once but he said that they are just friends, and he hardly talks to her, and all those other things that men say, i love u, i would never cheat. A couple of days later in a normal converstion i mentioned her again, and again he denied speaking to her at all, although i know that they were speaking the previous day. So he lies. He doesnt speak to any other girls in his group or very rarely, just if he needs something.
I am sorry for such a long explanation, i just wanted to give all the details, to make my situation clearer. I basicly want to give him an ultimatum when he comes for holiday, either me or him partying there. I know that it might seem selfish but i am not preapared to sit still and witness him partying while i am miserable. And he knows that i am miserable. I dont know what to do. Please help, i just want to hear a different non bias opinion. Oh and me moving there is not an option.
Best regards
Rosy