In desperate need of advice

[seingold]

Hi, I graduate from college tomorrow, and have been dating a sophomore for over 6 months. She is my first girlfriend and I can't stop thinking about her now that we are apart (she is home). I am not allowed to visit her at her home because her parents are strict Indians, and she is studying abroad in New Zealand for a semester starting in a month. I really want to stay together, I feel heartbroken and can't stop thinking about her. Is this realistic do you think, should I try to make it work? I'm so heartbroken I may change my living plans and find a job closer to the college. Any advice is helpful, she says we'll have to see how we both feel after our time apart.

[eightball61]

she says we'll have to see how we both feel after our time apart.


First off I like say congrats. for graduating College... :)

I posted your quote above because her words are the truth and the only thing that you can go by right now. You both have differences because of different beliefs. Your love for each other needs to stay strong in order for this to work. You know its not going to be easy but its worth giving it a try. Giving it a try is the only and best thing you can do. The worse thing you can do is skip out of your career goals.

If your love for each other is meant to be then it will all eventually work out in the end. If it's not then meant this is a sign that things were only meant to be at the school level only.....

Giving things a try is the best you can do. I hope things work out for you both and goodluck with your further schooling. ;)

[seingold]

Your advice is good and I know it, but it's still tearing me apart. I'm getting a hotel in her hometown in two weeks to spend one day with her (she is sneaking out of work, her mom is that strict). And she is going to call me every week in New Zealand, so I'll have frequent contact with her. It's just very hard, I hadn't had a gf before, and we were inseparable all school year, never really fought, it was all perfect. I'm devestated.

[eightball61]

You both have what you can planned out. It's going to be hard but try to build confidence now, so when you do leave you both won't be starting a LDR unstable. If you see that you both are becoming more unstable then it may be best to end it before you leave because things will not change while being away.

Giving the LDR a try is the best thing you both can do. You both have a plan for when you leave so now allow confidence to build and lets see what happens......

[Rich]

Hi, did I miss some private messages back and forth? Did you graduate High School or College?

If it's High School, then just move on with your life and prepare for your career. If this girl falls in line with how THAT shakes out, then great. But if it doesn't, then so be it. The chances of you two staying together for your whole life from this time period of your lives, is slim to none. You'll meet other girls as you get older.

If you're graduating college, then also prepare for your career right now and being able to take care of this girl and whatever family you might plan on having together. You're probably going to be the bread winner, so do what you need to do right now and prepare for that.

Keep in mind that this girl is your junior by a few years. Think back two years ago and your thought process back then. You know that your views on things have changed since then and that you might view life somewhat differently now. The same thing will happen to your GF. Who knows what she'll feel when she graduates college.

That's why right now you need to take care of you but still keep that other fire burning. If that relationship fire burns out (for whatever reason), then at least you still have your career taken care of and moving in the right direction. Don't confuse the two and let this relationship take away from your primary goal right now, which is to have a profitable career.

Most times, relationships in high school and college don't result in marriage or marriages that last for that matter either. People change, grow and enjoy the freedom that comes along with becoming an adult and having money, transporatation and their own place to live. Their views change and they want to experience life before settling down for ever.

Good luck

[eightball61]

Hi, did I miss some private messages back and forth? Did you graduate High School or College?




Rich, you didn't miss anything.....I misread the post. You are right and he is graduating college.

Sorry for the confusion everyone.

[seingold]

Thank you for the advice, which seems very good. I did graduate college (yesterday), not high school. I think what will happen is I will do what is in the best interest of my career. I'm debating between two jobs, but either one is within two hours of the college. I figure if we feel the same way when she gets back from abroad, we can try to make it work by me coming to the college on weekends, and see where it goes from there. I may be naive and a hopeless romantic; I recognize that everyone feels their girlfriend is special, but our relationship couldn't have been any more perfect this year, and I can't just let her go because I'm a couple years older.

[eightball61]

I can't just let her go because I'm a couple years older.


Then you have made the decision in "trying" out the LDR. It doesn't hurt to give it a "try" and thats all you can do. Its going to be hard to balance off a career and LDR but it can be done. You both will need to be trusting and patient with each other in order to get this to work. I wish you the best of luck and hope things do work out for you both. :)

[Rich]

Not saying that you should let go. Just want you to be cognizant of the fact that you're both still in your formative years and making the transition into adulthood.

Right now a whole new world is opening up for you and for your GF in a couple of years. A world that will offer you a different view of life. This new view often changes peoples thought process and feelings about things.

I'm just saying don't be surprised if things change because they most often do for couples that date through high school and college. That's all.

Good luck.

[seingold]

By talking to her today, she keeps telling me how much I mean to her, and we had left it last week that we could both hook up with other people while she is abroad but today we agreed we're not going to. I will be 35 minutes away from the college (living decision was not made with her in mind, I promise) when she gets back and we think it can work. She expressed strongly that she wants to stay together. Do you think this is just talk and everything will change in a couple months? Or do you really think this is how it is. I will be faithful and won't hook up with anyone until she is back.

[eightball61]

Do you think this is just talk and everything will change in a couple months? .


We are as clueless as you are to the outcome. You have to accept and understand that anything can happen. You have a plan on trying to make it work so stick to it rather than doubting it. Time will only tell what will happen and thats why you don't know until you know.....Be happy that you have at least given it a try.

You need to go into this with a positive approach or it will fail....

[Rich]

If you both feel that you've experienced all that you want to experience as a single person and you want to decide right now that this person is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then stick with it.

If you're totally satisfied in every way with this girl and could not ask for more in a woman, then stick with it.