I'm a bad boyfriend? She's a bad girlfriend? what's going on

[kevin57125]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year, and we've been through quite a bit. To summarize the main things that've happened over the first year, I had her first kiss, i've caught her holding hands with another guy, she's said she misses her ex, we fell in love, I got too controlling because of her holding hands with the guy and the ex thing, and i was a jerk sometimes because of it. Also i asked her never to talk to him again.

Then a few weeks after our one year she started talking very "sweet" to her ex behind my back and got really sad about our relationship and broke up with me. She said that she was sad most of the time during the second half of our first year. A week after breaking up, we got back together with the agreement that she would be more honest with me and let me know what's going on and that I would be less controlling, and I said that her and her ex could be friends.

Well the following week I found out she lied to my face about her and some guy so I asked her not to talk to him and she said she wouldnt. A few weeks after, I realized that her talking to her ex was really just bringing me down and I dont trust him, so we had a fight about it and it ended up with her not talking to him anymore. then a few days later we had a fight about it again, and it ended up with her talking to him again.

(Oh, and I found out about everything so far because I signed onto her facebook account and saw it in her messages. she hates that I do that, but I think it's reasonable if she's already gone behind my back twice. I'm not gonna leave her so i wanna see that i can trust her)

I was gonna keep reading their convos and crap until I'm convinced that they're nothing but just friends, but a few days ago I saw her say something that kinda made me upset, so I talked to her about it then it escalated into a big fight and her saying that nothing had changed and now things aren't looking great and she says she's not "in love" with me anymore because of the way i've been acting.

I can see how she says that things haven't changed, but all I have a problem with is her and her ex being more than friends. She says that I can't control her life or who she's friends with, and that's true, but I can't sit around doing nothing when there's a good chance he's saying things to her that i dont like and that she doesn't fully have my trust back.

I mean, what should I do? :confused: It's just one big mess

[newmoonmagic]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over a year, and we've been through quite a bit. To summarize the main things that've happened over the first year, I had her first kiss, i've caught her holding hands with another guy, she's said she misses her ex, we fell in love, I got too controlling because of her holding hands with the guy and the ex thing, and i was a jerk sometimes because of it. Also i asked her never to talk to him again.

Then a few weeks after our one year she started talking very "sweet" to her ex behind my back and got really sad about our relationship and broke up with me. She said that she was sad most of the time during the second half of our first year. A week after breaking up, we got back together with the agreement that she would be more honest with me and let me know what's going on and that I would be less controlling, and I said that her and her ex could be friends.

Well the following week I found out she lied to my face about her and some guy so I asked her not to talk to him and she said she wouldnt. A few weeks after, I realized that her talking to her ex was really just bringing me down and I dont trust him, so we had a fight about it and it ended up with her not talking to him anymore. then a few days later we had a fight about it again, and it ended up with her talking to him again.

(Oh, and I found out about everything so far because I signed onto her facebook account and saw it in her messages. she hates that I do that, but I think it's reasonable if she's already gone behind my back twice. I'm not gonna leave her so i wanna see that i can trust her)

I was gonna keep reading their convos and crap until I'm convinced that they're nothing but just friends, but a few days ago I saw her say something that kinda made me upset, so I talked to her about it then it escalated into a big fight and her saying that nothing had changed and now things aren't looking great and she says she's not "in love" with me anymore because of the way i've been acting.

I can see how she says that things haven't changed, but all I have a problem with is her and her ex being more than friends. She says that I can't control her life or who she's friends with, and that's true, but I can't sit around doing nothing when there's a good chance he's saying things to her that i dont like and that she doesn't fully have my trust back.

I mean, what should I do? :confused: It's just one big mess

I can see how she says that things haven't changed, but all I have a problem with is her and her ex being more than friends. She says that I can't control her life or who she's friends with, and that's true, but I can't sit around doing nothing when there's a good chance he's saying things to her that i dont like and that she doesn't fully have my trust back. You should break up with her because she's not willing to do what you demand. You are only allowed to control what you do. If she doesn't want or have any desire to do what you what her do do, then you control yourself by walking away from her so that you're both doing what you want to do without feeling angst about it.

You too were not meant to be a couple in such a thing as a long term happy relationship. Trust is the foundation of all unions. Your union has no trust and you can't give up trying to control outcomes.

Say goodbye to her, heal and while you're healing, work on your core insecurities and self-worth.

Good luck.

[bel831]

At this point she wants freedom to do what she wants. ie: Not ready for a serious committed relationship. You can't ever expect to control someone you are in a relationship with. Your biggest mistake was thinking that you could and taking her back in everytime she did something dishonorable and telling her not to talk to her ex. The fact you can't trust her without checking her facebook account and monitoring her every move, is not healthy. I'm not sure how old you both are, but I'm assuming you're fairly young and inexperienced. It seems like she enjoys the attention you give, but doesn't want to stop getting attention from her ex either.

The ball is in your court. I know you love her, but she is in fact controlling you. Its on you to end it for good and find someone that doesn't want to play games. If you keep asking her to come back and taking her back, she will NEVER learn that its not ok. Its not easy, but you have to do whats best for you in this situation!!

Good luck!