Girlfriend escaping reality (internet chat)

[Mattey]

My girlfriend and myself have been together for over 4 months now, we had a great relationship until recently.

She's been through a "rough" patch (work, home, parents). She started to push me away and we lost all intimacy (including s-e-x) in the relationship. I put this down to stress but stood by her.

Now i find out she's "posing" as a man on internet chat rooms, theres nothing ual involved but she's trying to escape her real life. I've been waiting for her to go back to her normal self but i know from experience that hiding on chat rooms makes things worse in the long run.

She constantly tells me how her friends have been together for 3 years and never done anything more than kiss eachother, i find myself wondering if she is trying to be like her friends or whether her fanntasy life is more entertaining than our relationship :mad:

[eightball61]

Now i find out she's "posing" as a man on internet chat rooms,

When you say "posing" do you mean as a screen-name or actually taking pictures of herself being a man????? :confused:

Have you confronted her about these chats? How is it that you know about the detailed chats? What types of things is she chatting about?

Is it possible she is trying to "pose" as a man to know more about them internally?

I don't really don't understand her doing for this because if she was trying to meet others for ual chats then being a girl she can get any guy she wants...... :confused: There has to be a logical explanation to why she is "posing" as a guy and we may not know the truth unless you confront her on your findings or try to dig deeper to understand the situation.

Is she doing any counseling because of her recent problems?

Thank you for taking the time in answering these questions.

[Howard]

How is she trying to disguise herself as a "man"? :confused:

[Rich]

It's odd that she is posing as a man in an internet chat room(s).

Might be an escape from reality.

You're going to have to confront your Gf about all that is transpiring and get answers. If the answers aren't to your liking, then break it off with her.

It sounds like your Gf has a few internal issues and or problems to work out.

The chat room and conflicts with people close to her indicate some problems.

Either find out what they are and choose to help her deal with them, or find out what they are and leave her if you don't want or need the hassle.

[Mattey]

By posing as a man i mean using a male name and pretending to be another person. Also handing out a photo of some guy pretending to be that person.

I have confronted her about this, she denied it all at first. But she came around when she realised i was about to leave.

Her explaination to me was that she felt trapped and lonely and before i came along she had no one to talk to about the problems in her life, because she moved away from home and had no friends/family around.
This doesnt explain why she continued this charade, but i suspect it was too hard to leave because of the "friends" she felt she made.

[eightball61]

Her explaination to me was that she felt trapped and lonely and before i came along she had no one to talk to about the problems in her life,

Is she on chats?

I still find it really odd that she poses as a guy to get guys attention. :eek: Being a girl she can get any guys attention on the web. There has to be more to this but we won't know until she opens up more.....

[Mattey]

I believe shes not after attention, male or female... She talks mainly to female chatters it seems. But the talk never gets ual or flirty.

[eightball61]

I believe shes not after attention, male or female... She talks mainly to female chatters it seems. But the talk never gets ual or flirty.


My question still lingers as to how do you know so much detail about these chats??? History files do record web pages but many web browsers do not save a history of chat logs.

Again, it could be nothing but either way we will not know until she speaks......

[Mattey]

Thats simple, she started using "mIRC" chat software instead of web browsers, i had my suspicions and set this software to record chat logs.

I know this seems distrusting, but there was no other way to prove the facts and the way that she was slowly becoming more and more distant made me desperate enough to find the facts.

[eightball61]

I know this seems distrusting, but there was no other way to prove the facts and the way that she was slowly becoming more and more distant made me desperate enough to find the facts.

Then why don't you confront her with your findings?
:confused:

[Mattey]

I have confronted her, she assures me all is "ok" yet i feel distant from her. We used to spend nights snuggled up watching a movie, now we sit appart for whatever reason.

I told her that i feel the intimacy has disappeared, she turned this into a issue and said she didnt care if she never has again.....
During this "episode" i got a little mad and said "if all i wanted was , it'd be cheaper to hire a (edit- proffesional)"

She told me herself she had a very high drive, that doesnt suddenly die does it? or did she feel the need to say and do things to "get" me? or has life really got her so stressed?

isnt of great importance to me, but because of what she told me i cant help wondering if someone else is seeing that side of her while im at work or away (and that hurts me alot) :(

Why does she still browse internet personal ads?

Friends tell me im just being used, but if that were the case she'd let me pay for everything, surely?

Im this close to giving up and moving on, i could be seeing problems that arent there, but on the other hand i could also be making excuses for her.

My mind is telling me to protect myself by leaving. My heart is telling me i love her greatly and could never hurt her.

[eightball61]

Why does she still browse internet personal ads?




Sooooo she is search's personal ads and also poses as a guy on the net :confused:

There "is" something really wrong wrong here and if she can't tell you then she is going to lose out. I would take your own advise of "Im this close to giving up and moving on". Try giving her one more chance to open up to you. You need to explain how you are feeling towards all this and that you are thinking about doing. If then she can't explain to you then just move on. This would be an internal issue that she'll need to resolve. It won't be your fault because she has choosen for the relationship to head in this direction.

[Howard]

Why doesn't she want to reveal her true identity? :confused:

[thisismylife77]

i would confront her about it. find out why she's acting like this. for years i hid myself. I was depressed. I hated my life and I'd just broken up with my bf because he cheated on line with someone who he ended up marrying. then i myself persued an online relationship which turned out to being a fraud. I thought that as long as it was online it would hurt. Now my fiance is pretty much doing the same thing as your gf except he's chating it up with this girl who thinks she has a chance of their being more. Talk to her before it's too late.

[Mattey]

Its over... i ended the whole thing.

Shutting me out emotionally and killing our intimacy was very hurtfull, i believe she could see what she was doing to me, but if she cared about me at all she would have tried to fix things.

As it stands she now blames me, saying i was "checking up" on her and taking away her freedom.
She doesnt want to see that she made me paranoid enough to do that by cutting me off in the first place.

A valuable lesson can be learned here.... If you want to destroy a great relationship, just take away your intimacy.

[eightball61]

If you want to destroy a great relationship, just take away your intimacy.

You should copyright this qoute above ;)

Anyway, I am sorry to hear about your breakup. You are right though and there are lessons to be learned here. What you need to know is that you didn't do anything wrong. Her blaming you is her only defense. She was doing wrong and was caught in the act.

Your next steps should be working on moving on. It sounds like your still talking to her and if this is true then it needs to stop. You are much better than her and there is no need to associate with her.

[Howard]

I'm sorry Mattey about your breakup.I hope you find someone new. :)