Trust is hard for me

[TroubleTrusting]

My parents have been married for over 40 years. My father apparently has had numerous affairs. I recently found out that my father just had yet another one less than a year ago! When I was 18 I told him that I just broke up with my boyfriend at the time because I found out he had cheated on me. My father replied "Every guy will do it". As a result of this I don't trust men. I am in a relationship right now but things are rocky and a lot of it stems from my not trusting him. I always feel as if he is hiding something from me. Does anyone have any advice on how I can beat this programming that my father has done to me??? I want to trust, I want to be able to love a man without questioning "when is he going to cheat on me"? :confused:

[Ricksta]

What you must understand is that what your father did to you and your family was wrong and it is totally inexcusable in every way. You see his claim that it is normal for a guy to commit adultery is garbage because he is just being selfish while trying to excuse himself from feeling guilty about his betrayal to the ones who love him. Although there are many men that cheat, everyone is different and with that there are different sets of values, which is why it would be naive to generalize.

The thing is that the issue is not about men committing adultery. It is about what you have learned from your past experiences and in this case we are dealing with the strongest male role model in your life through your father.

You are asking advice on how to reprogram your mind to let yourself trust begin and the only answer I can give to you is that you need to make a choice here. Either you choose not to let history determine how you live your life or you don't and you choose to live for yourself and nobody else instead. I know you may be thinking that it is easier said than done, but life is all about choices and you have got to make one and stick to it no matter how difficult it seems.

Every accomplishment in life takes a solid effort in order to succeed and I am so sorry to hear what you and your family have been through, the many disappointments you have faced throughout the years, but one thing you must always keep in mind is that nobody can ever compromise your hope except for you. If you give power to the past, then the past will determine your future. If you make that choice and take that power back though, then you will have the power to determine your future.

Do you love for yourself enough to put an effort into providing for your personal needs?

That is the most important question... you be strong!