What should I do

[exeter guy]

On Wednesday night, I met a girl that i'd been talking to on the internet for quite some time. We'd also been texting and talking on the phone a lot, and she only lives on the other side of town to me.

We really like each other, and were kissing and cuddling loads. Only problem is that she's engaged, but her fiance is treating her really badly and I want to give her all the love and attention that she deserves. It was kinda like love at first sight when I saw her, and the more i've been speaking to her, the more i've been falling for her.

Thing is, I work at the same place as her fiance, and I don't want no trouble at work from him or anyone else for that matter, so I think it would be best for me to keep a low profile for a while.

This girl really means a lot to me, and she says I mean a lot to her as well, but it's her fiance's birthday on tuesday and she doesn't want to dump him before then as it would be mean, but he found out what she got him for his birthday quite a while ago, which was a £70 engagement ring.

She knows she'd be happier with me, but she doesn't wanna cause too much pain to her fiance. I really like her and she really likes me, and we're getting closer and closer as each day goes by.

What could I do for her so she would want me more? What should I do to show her how much I love her?

[Diablo]

Not much you can do at this point. With her fiance's birthday coming up, she's going to feel pressure to repair things with him. In this situation, the guy who keeps the cooler head usually wins, but it's also a volatile situation. You could easily get fired at work or worse. I suggest that you don't change much of what you're doing; you seem to have about stolen her with the approach you're using. Don't change what's working. Make sure she enjoys her time with you and don't let her feel pressure from you.

[D4rkDr4g0n]

well is this guy a friend of yours? or just a guy u work with? if hes just a guy u work with dont worrie about him, keep up what ur doing u are winning her over anyway. she shouldnt care if she hurts him hell he threatining her thats bad, if its a friend i certinly would back down instantly, dont sound likeh e a friend in anyway though so i say go for it, what bothers me about them things it makes me think, she did it once whats stoping her from doing it again?, good luck with that though :)

[seavidae]

when someone is treating you bad, just leave him. This is what nowadays girls don't understand.

[exeter guy]

Exactly. I could treat her a lot better, but she's just too nice and doesn't want to leave him before his birthday.

I was due to see her for a few hours this weekend, but both times I was due to see her, she was with her fiance, therefore i couldn't see her. Even if I just said hello to her and he knew, he would get instantly paranoid.

And as for my relationship with him at work, he's just another colleague, although I get on really well with some of his close mates. I have to face him at work tomorrow, it'll be hard, but i'll keep cool.

We've spoken on the phone every night, and she said to me that she will leave her fiance, it's just finding the right time to do it. I hope it's soon though because it breaks my heart to see the girl that I care about so much with another guy - it's happened to me before (3 years ago in fact), I was in love with someone and they went with somebody else and I never got the chance to make a go of it with them.

She knows I'll treat her right though, but I'm worried that I'm not gonna see her this week, because she's with her fiance loads. She said on the phone we'll work something out, and I really hope we do. It's just she gets on really well with her fiance's family and her fiance gets on well with her family, and she's a nice girl and doesn't wanna cause too much upset. She's just too nice towards him in my opinion, especially as he made her lose all her mates.

Thanks for your advice so far guys. Got any other tips?

[eightball61]

She knows she'd be happier with me, but she doesn't wanna cause too much pain to her fiance.

But she is not with you......You can not do anything because she is taking nor looking for a way to get out of her relationship. She "can" get out of that relationship. Those "excuses" to you are just "excuses". You need to get up off the internet and start meeting people close to you because many of your attempts have seem to fail using the net(judging from your past to threads).

[exeter guy]

Excuse me, but she does live quite near me. And since my posts in March, I have been with a couple of people that I met personally.....

[eightball61]

Excuse me, but she does live quite near me. And since my posts in March, I have been with a couple of people that I met personally.....


The point to my last post is about "respect". Would you like a girl that you are engaged to going behind your back like you are with her??? I think not.....

You need to "respect" thier relationship and take a step back. I understand you do have feelings for her but she doesn't have the same for you. If she did then she would be out of this relationship and with you instead.

Your mind is in denial thinking mode and thats why you are making every excuse that she wants to be with you. You need to wake-up and see the reality of your situation. She has found a guy (you) that she can talk to and share feelings. She can't do this with her current guy and that's why she will try to keep you with her wording.

You are sucked into her words and the only way out is if you see the reality of things. You may have had outside relationships but the net is setting you up with the wrong ones. You are attracting yourself to the wrong girls. You are allowing this torture to happen and I personally I don't feel bad......sorry

[exeter guy]

The only reason she's not in a relationship with me at the moment is because she's "too nice" and hasn't found the right moment to tell him her true feelings.

[eightball61]

The only reason she's not in a relationship with me at the moment is because she's "too nice" and hasn't found the right moment to tell him her true feelings.

& if she can't do that with him then what makes it so different with you???

Again, you are in denial and using excuses. You will only see my point when reality hits you. Keep up what your doing then but you have to remember that you are allowing this confusion to happen on yourself.

I think you really need to read "bdtraders" threads. He got into a relationship with someone that had a boyfriend & they failed because of insecurities. The truth is there and you both won't last. You think it will but insecurities "will" get in the way.

Here's a link to one of bdtrader's threads:http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=540

Goodluck

[exeter guy]

I just got off the phone to her - we can't be together but I would have happily taken a friendship. She says that we can't be friends and that it would be best if we didn't see each other again. The main reason that she doesn't want to be mates is because her fiance won't let her have any friends and he's been spreading shit saying that i've been "agressive" at work, so he doesn't want me near her. :( :(

[eightball61]

If that's is her reasoning then she is very weak. If this guy is the jerk she turns him out to be then you need to show her this link if you ever talk to her again: http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=744

Abuse is a situation that shouldn't be joked about nor be making excuses about. In a way, I kinda believe her because she did go outside her relationship to seek comfort from another man. You gave her the security that her BF wasn't given her.

She is a big girl though & if she is stuck in an abusive relationship then she'll need to find a way out. She has told you to back off and you'll need to respect that request. You won't be able play superman and save her. If you were to get in the middle of things then that may make the situation worse between them.

Most people that are weak and in her position stay in the abusive relationship. They keep picturing what that person was like before they turned abusive and they ignore whats going on at the present time. In realoty this guy is not going to change unless he under goes strick therapy.

She will figure this out though and I do prey for her safety.

[exeter guy]

I'm gonna ring her at the weekend just to find out whether he's calmed down or not, because i'm now pretty worried about going to work on monday, as that's when I next see him.

But one of his mates is on the same days as me, and he could have told him, so i'm kinda worried about tomorrow and friday as well.

I'm disappointed that I can't talk to her, and i've been crying, but i'm now going out to see my friends and hopefully they can cheer me up and I can share with them my feelings about the situation.

I just need all the support I can get right now. :(

[eightball61]

I'm gonna ring her at the weekend just to find out whether he's calmed down or not, because i'm now pretty worried about going to work on monday, as that's when I next see him.




Didn't you "She says that we can't be friends and that it would be best if we didn't see each other again".........

If you read the English, she is telling you to back off. If you continue these stalker-like ways then your only putting greater risk to her situation. It's your choice on the doing but I don't want you to come back here crying that we never warned you. :rolleyes:

[coolguy05]

Relationships, its almost hilarious how something that can make us feel so amazing can also make us feel so terrible. I know that you probably really wanna check on her, but if she did say to leave her alone, wether shes weak or not or not thinking staright, the point is she said it and ya, you should do what she asks.

Honestly, I think she shouldn't be dating anyone if shes with someone, but I guess I cannot blame her if shes in an abusive relationship. Just give it some time, I can almost gurantee she'll come make contact with you some how. If she already came to you for comfort, and her situation at home hasn't changed, its only a matter of time before she'll be in need of that comfort again, and come searching for you.

Just please be careful, your situation seems delicate, I wish you the best of luck man.

[Chiky]

u should just go here www.LTP-Dating.com