lostin
06-26-2005, 02:16 PM
Hi there and I'll thank you all now in advance.
I'm an expat and was happily living together with my fiancé then one fateful weekend we had the bust ups of all bust ups. Initially her fault, something extremely minor, but I completely over reacted and left her in an extremely embarrassing situation. She was, obviously, shocked, numb and wondering what had just happened! To this day, I'm still not exactly sure but I'm doing my best to work it out. If not for this relationship then for whatever the future may hold.
I believe it happened for a multitude of reasons but mainly stress and frustration.
She had never settled where we moved to. She had problems finding either a suitable job or a suitable employer. She's very talented in her field but was unable to hold something down. She did also make some simple mistakes and this did not endear her to her employers either. She also has a medical condition that has slowly escalated of the last couple of years that has meant that we have had about 3 or 4 times in the last year.
My job is stressful - I have a lot of responsibility - but nothing that I haven't been used to before. The culmination of her soon to be out of work again and the financial worry that's along with it, the lack of any meaningful physical relationship, the uncertainty of what she wants to do, the fact that she doesn't like it all here which puts the responsibility on me, as it was I that was offered the job and just a general feeling that we weren't moving in the same direction are the reasons why I snapped.
I'm certainly not proud of it but maybe the signs are there that you good people can identify and help me with.
She's now back in our home country with her family but says that she wants to stay with me but won't come back. I'm financially committed and it would be extremely detrimental to my career. In fact, it would be a disaster for the both of us if I went back immediately. What scares me is that I haven't missed her as much as I thought I would but that may be because it's only been a few weeks and there is still a bit of novelty in doing what I want.
What I also need to sort out is how much the physical side of things had affected me and our relationship. I've always been extremely passionate and it was hard to deal with the fact that I had to lose a lot of that and actively suppress my libido to the extent that when she wanted I actually shied away from it. Is that normal?
Your help is extremely appreciated.
I'm an expat and was happily living together with my fiancé then one fateful weekend we had the bust ups of all bust ups. Initially her fault, something extremely minor, but I completely over reacted and left her in an extremely embarrassing situation. She was, obviously, shocked, numb and wondering what had just happened! To this day, I'm still not exactly sure but I'm doing my best to work it out. If not for this relationship then for whatever the future may hold.
I believe it happened for a multitude of reasons but mainly stress and frustration.
She had never settled where we moved to. She had problems finding either a suitable job or a suitable employer. She's very talented in her field but was unable to hold something down. She did also make some simple mistakes and this did not endear her to her employers either. She also has a medical condition that has slowly escalated of the last couple of years that has meant that we have had about 3 or 4 times in the last year.
My job is stressful - I have a lot of responsibility - but nothing that I haven't been used to before. The culmination of her soon to be out of work again and the financial worry that's along with it, the lack of any meaningful physical relationship, the uncertainty of what she wants to do, the fact that she doesn't like it all here which puts the responsibility on me, as it was I that was offered the job and just a general feeling that we weren't moving in the same direction are the reasons why I snapped.
I'm certainly not proud of it but maybe the signs are there that you good people can identify and help me with.
She's now back in our home country with her family but says that she wants to stay with me but won't come back. I'm financially committed and it would be extremely detrimental to my career. In fact, it would be a disaster for the both of us if I went back immediately. What scares me is that I haven't missed her as much as I thought I would but that may be because it's only been a few weeks and there is still a bit of novelty in doing what I want.
What I also need to sort out is how much the physical side of things had affected me and our relationship. I've always been extremely passionate and it was hard to deal with the fact that I had to lose a lot of that and actively suppress my libido to the extent that when she wanted I actually shied away from it. Is that normal?
Your help is extremely appreciated.