Odd problem

[Telemachus]

First let me say that this problem is quite unique. I am trying to figure out the best way to say this. I am a single military guy. I have seen some pretty disturbing things in my life. I have been to and fought in almost every hellhole in the past 9 years. With that comes a little mental baggage. My problem is this. I sometimes (about once a month or so. It used to be worse) wake up in the middle of the night by dreaming of bad situations I have experienced i wake up basically ready to engadge some sort of enemy. Needless to say it really scares girls that I am sleeping with. I usually tell girls this beforehand so that they won't be to surprised, but the are always really freaked out when it happens. What bothers them most is not the situation but the way The perceive me after it happens. Its like they fear me or something. They always mention that my eyes really bothered them. I never do anything physical I have never hurt anyone, but it actually puts alot of stress on the girls i have been with. I know there are some ladies out there who might have some tips or suggestions to make this easier for me or the little lady (for now) in my life.

thanks

[Gandalf]

Bro,

You are a warrior. A real warrior who risk his life to fight for his country so that the rest in the country can live peacefully. I respect people like you.

It's understandable for a girl to freak out when they suddenly see you in the fight-or-die state.

Share your stories with them. Tell them what you have been through. You have enountered real dangers which are matters of life and death. Tell them that it's this constant vigilance that keeps you alive. It will help them understand your mental stress.

Maybe you can learn and do some meditation regularly? It may help you to calm your mind.

[Skye]

First, my utmost respect and admiration for your dedication, strength and fortitude.

Second, as a female, I will tell you that it is natural for the women you sleep with, to have a problem with your psyche (at moments of stress).

You need to tell these women before you engage in , that you have this problem. Hopefully, this will facilitate dialogue and with their support and patience, you can overcome this situation.

When it happens, reassure the women that you are not violent and will not hurt them. Step out of the bedroom, gather yourself not in her presence. Perhaps the glare in your eyes when you return will be calm and soothing, rather than "violent."

Talk about it when you are both in a positive mood, and relaxed. This will alleviate stress, pressure and anxiety before bed.

The point is, you dont want your sig other to internalize your behaviour; this will foster fear in her.
And women want to feel secure and safety in their mans' arms, not alienation. So talk, console, and things will be okay.

I hope this helps.