Need advice

[seavidae]

Hi!
I decided to start a new thread..but I could easily continue my last one as strange things keep happening to me.
Here is my latest story:
Last night I went with some friends in town and I met a nice girl (she's a friend of one of them). When we left home, she was single and I decided to drive her home. We talked all the way and when we reached her place I told her that I would like to meet her again. She agreed and we exchanged phone numbers. We decided that we will meet when I'll have time (she said for her time isn't a problem).
This morning I received a strange SMS from her which sounded like this: "I'm not ready at this moment to go out with someone." I had no reply... :) I didn't knew what to say... finally I answered her SMS saying that I understand her and I hope she will change her mind.

I have these questions:
1. Why she said "yes" last night and now she says "no" ? (nothing happened meanwhile and she has no boyfriend)
2. Shall I try to get in touch with her? I still have a chance on her?

[littlesister]

Hi!
I decided to start a new thread..but I could easily continue my last one as strange things keep happening to me.
Here is my latest story:
Last night I went with some friends in town and I met a nice girl (she's a friend of one of them). When we left home, she was single and I decided to drive her home. We talked all the way and when we reached her place I told her that I would like to meet her again. She agreed and we exchanged phone numbers. We decided that we will meet when I'll have time (she said for her time isn't a problem).
This morning I received a strange SMS from her which sounded like this: "I'm not ready at this moment to go out with someone." I had no reply... :) I didn't knew what to say... finally I answered her SMS saying that I understand her and I hope she will change her mind.

I have these questions:
1. Why she said "yes" last night and now she says "no" ? (nothing happened meanwhile and she has no boyfriend)
2. Shall I try to get in touch with her? I still have a chance on her?


Well, I will tell you how I was when I was single. It might not be the same thing but similar. b4 The first time I went out with my husband, (Iknew him from work) I had a really good time and there was chemestry there but I got scared!

I was such a little chicken, I stood him up!! I had told him I was sorry and that I was not ready to start dating again. He waited another year before he asked me out again. He told his brother about me and that he liked me....his brother told him to try and ask me out again. I was ready then. ;)

We actually got married 6 months later. I was afraid of marriage too! So here I am 18 yrs later still married. The girl you asked out either changed her mind because she just doesn't want to date, or she is just afraid. Give it time maybe a long time and try again. It won't hurt to try. Some of us just have phobias :o

[eightball61]

People's minds can change rather rapidly & theres not to much you can do in control of that. Everytime you have a fault you freak out and down yourself that your gonna be single forever. You need to go through your last threads and see what I mean.

The right girl will come to you but it takes time. Right now you are faulting because your life is trying to wead out what it wants. As I said, your gonna go through more downs than ups but you need to stay in control of yourself. If you give up then you only fail yourself. Just take this one night encounter "as is" & move onto the next canidate,

[seavidae]

People's minds can change rather rapidly & theres not to much you can do in control of that. Everytime you have a fault you freak out and down yourself that your gonna be single forever. You need to go through your last threads and see what I mean.

The right girl will come to you but it takes time. Right now you are faulting because your life is trying to wead out what it wants. As I said, your gonna go through more downs than ups but you need to stay in control of yourself. If you give up then you only fail yourself. Just take this one night encounter "as is" & move onto the next canidate,

Thank you, I got the point.
Do you think I still have a chance for this girl? I mean, shall I try a little bit more? Or is better to leave her alone?

[eightball61]

Thank you, I got the point.
Do you think I still have a chance for this girl?


This girl told you what she wants. You need to respect her wishes and not sound desperate. She has your contact information and if her mind changes then "SHE" will call. For now, all you can do is be patient once again and except life the way it is until smething comes your way.

" Stay As A Believer & Don't Ever Give Up On Yourself."

[seavidae]

Call me strange, but I'm still curious to find out what made her change her mind (the truth is that I should have received an explanation from her). It's a mystery that somehow attracts me to get it solved :D Maybe she was disappointed in love and she's just scared to try again... if this is true there are ways to get to her heart.

[eightball61]

The last thing you want to do is be "stalker-like".

[seavidae]

The last thing you want to do is be "stalker-like".

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to abuse her of things like that. If she will see who I really am maybe she'll change her mind - that's all. If she had a bad relationship she may need help... and I may help her. I'm not desperate and I'm not trying to sound desperate. After more than one year being single it doesn't matter so much how more will pass. I'd like to know her as a person...talking about love and stuff is too early anyway. This is what I wanted to say.
Waiting for other opinions too.

[littlesister]

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to abuse her of things like that. If she will see who I really am maybe she'll change her mind - that's all. If she had a bad relationship she may need help... and I may help her. I'm not desperate and I'm not trying to sound desperate. After more than one year being single it doesn't matter so much how more will pass. I'd like to know her as a person...talking about love and stuff is too early anyway. This is what I wanted to say.
Waiting for other opinions too.


Well I know I told you my situation, but the best thing for you to do is just not do anything. If you see her and strike up a conversation with her, great, but don't seek her out. I know what that is like and believe me a woman usually does not like that at all. My situation with my husband was actually 8 months.

I think I said a year, but it was 8 months before he ever approached me again. If he would have pushed it at the time. I would have ran for the hills :) He thought about me all that time and he wanted to go out with me but he did not want to push me. He did not want to be rejected again either. ;) But in my situation I had feelings for him but I was very afraid of commitment.

[seavidae]

But in my situation I had feelings for him but I was very afraid of commitment.

She does not have feelings for me and I don't have feelings for her. It's too early to talk about things like that. First of all I want to know her as a person - this is what maybe she didn't understand.

[eightball61]

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to abuse her of things like that. If she will see who I really am maybe she'll change her mind - that's all. If she had a bad relationship she may need help... and I may help her. I'm not desperate and I'm not trying to sound desperate. After more than one year being single it doesn't matter so much how more will pass. I'd like to know her as a person...talking about love and stuff is too early anyway. This is what I wanted to say.
Waiting for other opinions too.


I mentioned "stalker-like" in my last post because I like to address situations before they even occur. I am trying to put it in your mind not to seem to obsessed. You have made the contact with her and the only thing you can do is await to see her response. She may not be ready for anything at the moment & if so then she will not persue that. You both met & she doesn't know what you want so she thinks by telling you that she has made her point. If you like to contact her again then send her a message telling her the kind of friendship you want & then leave it as that unless she responds.

[littlesister]

I mentioned "stalker-like" in my last post because I like to address situations before they even occur. I am trying to put it in your mind not to seem to obsessed. You have made the contact with her and the only thing you can do is await to see her response. She may not be ready for anything at the moment & if so then she will not persue that. You both met & she doesn't know what you want so she thinks by telling you that she has made her point. If you like to contact her again then send her a message telling her the kind of friendship you want & then leave it as that unless she responds.

Yep that is good advise. The best thing you can do is what eightball said above.

[eightball61]

Yep that is good advise. The best thing you can do is what eightball said above.


Hey Look, We Agree :D lol

In situations like this it's always tough to find ways to resolve the issue. I mean, there is not more that he can do unless she has a change of mind. His closure will be given when he tells her that he just wants a friendship. If she responds then he will know her thoughts but if she doesn't then he will know that she wasn't the right one.

I have told him & others before that in order to find the right one its going to take a few wrongs. It's fustrating but that's part of the dating process.

[seavidae]

well, the story goes on :rolleyes:

The friend who introduced me to her called her today (and I was there with him when he called). They had an interesting conversation (my friend played nice theatre pretending that he doesn't know anything). The conclusion of the call was that she thinks that everything was prepared before and it was arranged for me to meet her. So she doesn't seem to like the idea (maybe she feels like being used). The good point is that she asked him some things about me, so she doesn't seem to have completely lost her interest. Friends, now I need further advice :)

[eightball61]

Friends, now I need further advice :)


I have no further thoughts......

Your are completely ignoring the advice that we are giving you. Friends are good for advice but you are playing to much into his words....

If she was more interested in you then she would have never taken this approach. Even if she did this to see how much you were into her then that's considered a game and an immature thing for her to do.

The only thing you can do is take my advice and send her one more message on your interest in a friendship. " ONLY SHE " will be able to give you the closure in wanting more out of this or not. Right now, you are happy-go-lucky over something your friend said. In reality you don't know the full truth because you are only believing what you want to believe. The truth is in her thoughts & she is the one that can express those thoughts to you.......So get ahold of yourself before you do ruin any chance you might have with her. :rolleyes:

[littlesister]

I have no further thoughts......


Your are completely ignoring the advice that we are giving you. Friends are good your advice but you are playing to much into his wording....

If she was more interested in you then she would have never taken this approach. Even if she did this to see how much you were into her then that's considered a game and immature for her to do.

The only thing you can do is take my advice and send her one more message on your interest in a friendship. " ONLY SHE " will be able to give you the closure in wanting more out of this or not. Right now, you are happy-go-lucky over something your friend said. In reality you don't know the full truth because you are only believing what you want to believe. The truth is in her thoughts & only she is the one that can express those to you....So get ahold of yourself before you do ruin any chance you may have. :rolleyes:


Yep I agree once more. ;) cool it bud or you will get yourself all up in a fuss over nothing. You don't know this girl so what is the big deal? I promise if you pursue this the way you are sounding on these boards you will scare the hell out of the girl. Take it a little at a time and just see what happens.

[seavidae]

I guess the most wiser thing is to do nothing. If she is interested she will reach for me, if not there are plenty girls out there. Thank you everyone for your help. I really appreciate it :cool:

[littlesister]

I guess the most wiser thing is to do nothing. If she is interested she will reach for me, if not there are plenty girls out there. Thank you everyone for your help. I really appreciate it :cool:


There ya go, but now if you see her at a party or something go talk to her, but don't put too much into it. Some of the best relationships are the ones that start as friendships. But just don't push too hard. Go out and have fun. Enjoy your single life ;) You don't want to take anything too fast or you will end up not too happy if you get with the wrong girl.

[eightball61]

I guess the most wiser thing is to do nothing. If she is interested she will reach for me, if not there are plenty girls out there. Thank you everyone for your help. I really appreciate it :cool:

Now we are on the same page ;)

[seavidae]

Today I met her on the street. We talked a little bit..I told her that if she just doesn't like me or stuff like that to tell me and at least I know what's wrong. I also told her that I'd like to know her as a person. She remained on her position saying that she is not ready now and if my offer will still be available when she will be ready then it's ok. Oh boy, life is complicated. Anyway I won't wait her forever. I'll give her some days than if nothing I'll have to move further to another girl.

[eightball61]

Anyway I won't wait her forever. I'll give her some days than if nothing I'll have to move further to another girl.

Are you sure that you are not still in High School???

I mean you meet this girl on the street and you still continue to talk to her about relationship status. You should have never mentioned that and took my approach by telling her you just want a friendship. You did mention that to her but only after you talked about a relationship that she doesn't want.

For future reference, you need to learn to cool your jets. When you meet someone don't jump on them like you are depressed. You have to remember that beginning impressions tells a lot to a person. You need to figure out a new strategy on meeting people. My advice is for you to be calmer but its your choice on how to approach new people.

[seavidae]

You get me wrong again. I told her that she may have misunderstood my message from the first night -I don't want a relationship from her - I want a friendship, I want to know her as a person. And I've also told her to tell me if she just doesn't want anything with me and I'll stay away. I don't abuse people, so don't get me wrong again. If she would have said NO from the beginning the situation would have been very clear.

[eightball61]

I don't abuse people, so don't get me wrong again. If she would have said NO from the beginning the situation would have been very clear.


No, don't get me wrong....I never stated you abuse people.

If you read through your thread again you will see that you are jumping onto something that's not there. She did tell you in a message that she wasn't looking for a relationship but then you still questioned many times on what you can do & even playing into the words of your friend. Your mission this past week was to get her into a relationship, why she doesn't want more, or even trying to find out if you have a chance.

Read you quotes because the proof is there:

"Do you think I still have a chance for this girl? I mean, shall I try a little bit more? Or is better to leave her alone?"

"Call me strange, but I'm still curious to find out what made her change her mind (the truth is that I should have received an explanation from her). It's a mystery that somehow attracts me to get it solved Maybe she was disappointed in love and she's just scared to try again... if this is true there are ways to get to her heart."

"The friend who introduced me to her called her today (and I was there with him when he called). They had an interesting conversation (my friend played nice theatre pretending that he doesn't know anything). The conclusion of the call was that she thinks that everything was prepared before and it was arranged for me to meet her. So she doesn't seem to like the idea (maybe she feels like being used). The good point is that she asked him some things about me, so she doesn't seem to have completely lost her interest. Friends, now I need further advice "

"I'll give her some days than if nothing I'll have to move further to another girl."


I am simply saying that you need to slow down and not jmp on anything to soon. You barley know this girl and you can't expect her to be your best friend when she doesn't even know your last name :rolleyes:

[seavidae]

I am simply saying that you need to slow down and not jmp on anything to soon.

The idea is that I won't jump at all. As I said I'll wait to see if something changes and if not then I'll go further on my own.
Today we met by chance. I wouldn't have tried to contact her in any way.

[eightball61]

The idea is that I won't jump at all. As I said I'll wait to see if something changes and if not then I'll go further on my own.

Dude you sound desperate & you can't even see that. You analyze each girl so much that you end up worrying yourself if she will even have interest in you or not. Every thread you started you "NEED" advise desperatly.

You have to understand that with relationships everything is about timing. You act as if you can't handle yourself. This is why the only suggestion I have is that you find a way to calm yourself or your status of being single will last a while.....


Here are your own quotes as examples to back up my thoughts:


"one more girl with a boyfriend... well.. I guess they're all taken!
Guys... please pray for me... I hope the next one is single 'cause this situation is getting so ugly... all girls I like have a boyfriend - this must come to an end!"

" I asked my friend to call her and tell her that I would like to go out with her. Unfortunately the answer was NO and one of the reasons was that she is now with her last boyfriend. I don't know what to think anymore.. I studied her gestures and everything was going perfect..this body language is a real fake... don't believe in signs like these."

"well.. I would really appreciate some reactions... thanks"

"I'm still waiting and nothing"

" There must a lonely girl for me somewhere"

[seavidae]

Yes, I need someone. It's true. I need love and I can't find it. But I never insist on a girl once she clearly said NO. I know that I'll just have to accept the situation.

Dude you sound desperate & you can't even see that. You analyze each girl so much that you end up worrying yourself if she will even have interest in you or not. Every thread you started you "NEED" advise desperatly.

You have to understand that with relationships everything is about timing. You act as if you can't handle yourself. This is why the only suggestion I have is that you find a way to calm yourself or your status of being single will last a while.....


Here are your own quotes as examples to back up my thoughts:


"one more girl with a boyfriend... well.. I guess they're all taken!
Guys... please pray for me... I hope the next one is single 'cause this situation is getting so ugly... all girls I like have a boyfriend - this must come to an end!"

" I asked my friend to call her and tell her that I would like to go out with her. Unfortunately the answer was NO and one of the reasons was that she is now with her last boyfriend. I don't know what to think anymore.. I studied her gestures and everything was going perfect..this body language is a real fake... don't believe in signs like these."

"well.. I would really appreciate some reactions... thanks"

"I'm still waiting and nothing"

" There must a lonely girl for me somewhere"

[eightball61]

Yes, I need someone. It's true. I need love and I can't find it.

& this is why I have told you multiple times that you have to be patient. If you are not patient like you are now then you will just end up with someone for the hell if it and it won't be fair to them nor you. Take my advice because I am trying to save you from future heart break.

[seavidae]

Well, the mystery is solved: she just graduated and she's searching for a job and this is her main aim for the moment.

[eightball61]

Well, the mystery is solved: she just graduated and she's searching for a job and this is her main aim for the moment.


Did she graduated from High School or College?

AHow old are you? Are you still in High School?

Can you please answer some of these questions. I have a real funny hunch that these will explain ambition for love or even a relationship.....

[AlexCrystal]

Wow, I just read through this entire thread and seavidae's got major problems. Every girl on this planet will be able to catch the vibe of how desparate you are. Every girl that has backed off from you...although they might say "they're not ready for a relationship" or they are "leaving for school" or whatever.....lemme tell you, the real reason is because they see how desparate you are and to some women that can seem scary or freakish when a guy acts like that right off the bat. I think you need to find love within and for yourself first before you go trying to find someone to fulfill that for you. I think you are trying to have "someone" fill a void in your life....but only "you" can fill that void....by looking outside yourself trying to make that happen....it never ever will.

[seavidae]

Wow, I just read through this entire thread and seavidae's got major problems. Every girl on this planet will be able to catch the vibe of how desparate you are. Every girl that has backed off from you...although they might say "they're not ready for a relationship" or they are "leaving for school" or whatever.....lemme tell you, the real reason is because they see how desparate you are and to some women that can seem scary or freakish when a guy acts like that right off the bat. I think you need to find love within and for yourself first before you go trying to find someone to fulfill that for you. I think you are trying to have "someone" fill a void in your life....but only "you" can fill that void....by looking outside yourself trying to make that happen....it never ever will.

You know what? You may be right :) But I think you're wrong. Anyway thanks for advice. The first part does not match, the second one it does.
I will end this thread here because no matter what I say or I do you guys see only the desperate part. You don't know my story, you don't know me.. so what am I talking about here. Thank you for your support.

[eightball61]

Did she graduated from High School or College?

AHow old are you? Are you still in High School?

Can you please answer some of these questions. I have a real funny hunch that these will explain ambition for love or even a relationship.....

[seavidae]

Did she graduated from High School or College?

AHow old are you? Are you still in High School?

Can you please answer some of these questions. I have a real funny hunch that these will explain ambition for love or even a relationship.....

These doesn't matter. As for making fun, I'm tired of it. I need someone in my life to understand me as I am and not to draw wrong opinions. This is what you can't do and you can't see unfortunately.

[AlexCrystal]

He's probably under the age of 18....and so is she....so eightball, you're right.....this changes advice so to speak. The advice I gave would really be for someone older.

[seavidae]

He's probably under the age of 18....and so is she....so eightball, you're right.....this changes advice so to speak. The advice I gave would really be for someone older.

Sure. As you say, you seem to know a lot of things.

[AlexCrystal]

NO, I don't know a lot of things. I am 27 though, and female.....and just trying to give you what I believe is straight up advice. If you want someone to tell you what you "want" to hear....then well, that's not really true advice....that's just telling you what you want to hear. You have to be willing to hear advice...no matter if it isn't exactly what you had hoped to hear. Take it or leave it....these are all just opinions on this forum. I will say that if you are younger...as I presume....then your actions are pretty much in line with your age...and that's quite okay....you're still learning to find yourself anyway at that age....the advice I was giving was if you were older...that's all I'm saying.

[eightball61]

These doesn't matter. As for making fun, I'm tired of it.


I am taking the hint that you "are" high school. If so then that does explain it all. You are right though and being in high school shouldn't matter but is does explain on how you think you know it all.

You came here for help and our position is to help you. We are helping you out with what you flaw in meeting someone. You have failed to listen to us and instead you accuse of for making fun of you.
We are not making fun of you in any way. You are taking our blunt thoughts too personal like you are with each girl you meet.

I guess I have nothing further to say for this thread. You know it all so the only way you will learn is by making mistakes. We as adults are trying to help you out by guiding you through these situations we have been through. The best advise I have for next time you get stuck is for you to read through your threads again because the answers in front of your face.....Good Luck with love :rolleyes:





I need someone in my life to understand me as I am and not to draw wrong opinions

I am sorry to say but I do understand. See I am 23 and I am my GF is 17 & "still" in High School; I am also a DJ for Middle school & High School functions; & I also frequently visit teen boards(like this one) to give advice to them. So I do connect and can relate to the younger crowd.

Again, you think you know everything to life and I am sorry to say but your wrong. Heck.....The pope doesn't even know everything to life :rolleyes: The only way to learn life is making mistakes as I mentioned. We've made the mistakes and thats why we were trying to help you. Your in denial right now and the only way you'll learn is when reality strikes ya..........