Is it really true??

[ThatPCgirl]

...that good things come to those who wait? I just want to know other people's experience if they had to wait for someone.

I like this guy a lot, but he just isn't ready for a relationship. Not cuz he's hurt or just broke up, but because he's never had a serious relationship and said himself he has to take things slow. So I decided to give him lots of space. I don't want to seem pushy to him at all. I need the space too cuz there might be another guy out there.

One of my friends told me that it took 11 months for her and her ex to actually make it more then a friendship. So, is it not uncommon for guys to need that much time to realize things. It's been 2 months for us. I'm concerned that if I start dating he will think I don't like him anymore. Also...I don't want to give him an ultimatum like "well I need to know now if you are ready or not, otherwise you lose your chance". Cuz maybe he's not ready yet but will be. What if I move on and all I had to do was wait one more month? I mean I'm willing to hang in there, but I guess I just wanna know something more about a situation like this then I knew before.

Has anyone been through this before? Thanks for your help!!

[seavidae]

Wait 1 year for him/her and then you may found that you don't even match with him/her. You don't have any guarantee that the relationship will work. And you'll find out that you lost 1 year for nothing. My advice is to don't wait too much for nobody. It just doesn't worth it.

[eightball61]

Dating is suppose to be fun. Different people go at different speeds. You have to look at this guy and actually ask yourself "Do I see a future with him". You want more but he doesn't. Life is about taking risk & chances and if he can't give you what you want then he looses out while you move on. You are on the search for settling down & you will not get that from this guy right now. This is why you need to decide on what's best for "you".

[eightball61]

My advice is to don't wait too much for nobody. .

Seavidea, you should use your own advice for your own situation.

[Howard]

It took about 3 1/2 years for the right girl to come back into my life and make me happy once again but there are some good and bad points to our relationship.

[ThatPCgirl]

Dating is suppose to be fun. Different people go at different speeds. You have to look at this guy and actually ask yourself "Do I see a future with him". You want more but he doesn't. Life is about taking risk & chances and if he can't give you what you want then he looses out while you move on. You are on the search for settling down & you will not get that from this guy right now. This is why you need to decide on what's best for "you".

Yah most definitely. I am dating around and having fun. Right now I'm talking to one guy but we haven't gone out. I'm also seeing this guy I've known since January. Then there's the guy I really like the most. He doesn't know about me dating others. I'm afraid that he is going to take my "Dating around" the wrong way. If he's going to think it means I'm not interested in him, which is quite possible. That will start a snowball effect. If he sees me or hears about it, me with another guy, he'll think I'm totally over him when he totally has a shot! I also don't wanna bring up the other guys cuz then it'll seem like I'm just tryin to make him jealous or something. The only reason I haven't committed to the guy I've been dating since January is because he just doesn't bring the spark quite like the other guy. I get two totally different feelings towards them, but I am attracted to both of them, but one I can see myself settling down with more then the other one, but I am NOT ready for marriage..I have soooo many things I have to do for myself.

I guess how do you let someone know that jsut because you are dating around, it doesn't mean they won't have a chance in the future. Cuz if someone said it to me like that, then I would think "ewww sloppy seconds". I'm not sayin I wanna be his girlfriend. I'm sayin I just wanna make sure he knows I still like him even if there's others in my life.

He's used to me contacting him a certain amount, and now that I've been backing off, I'm afraid he'll think I've lost interest and I don't want to date him.

[littlesister]

...that good things come to those who wait? I just want to know other people's experience if they had to wait for someone.

I like this guy a lot, but he just isn't ready for a relationship. Not cuz he's hurt or just broke up, but because he's never had a serious relationship and said himself he has to take things slow. So I decided to give him lots of space. I don't want to seem pushy to him at all. I need the space too cuz there might be another guy out there.

One of my friends told me that it took 11 months for her and her ex to actually make it more then a friendship. So, is it not uncommon for guys to need that much time to realize things. It's been 2 months for us. I'm concerned that if I start dating he will think I don't like him anymore. Also...I don't want to give him an ultimatum like "well I need to know now if you are ready or not, otherwise you lose your chance". Cuz maybe he's not ready yet but will be. What if I move on and all I had to do was wait one more month? I mean I'm willing to hang in there, but I guess I just wanna know something more about a situation like this then I knew before.

Has anyone been through this before? Thanks for your help!!


Give the guy time ;) you have not been with him very long. If you like him and things are going well besides the not ready stuff then just wait, what's the hurry? Are you two dating just each other? Have you talked about it? Take your time and just enjoy each other!

[eightball61]

He's used to me contacting him a certain amount, and now that I've been backing off, I'm afraid he'll think I've lost interest and I don't want to date him.

You are right and if you tell him know he may just back off. If you don't want to take that chance then continue what you are doing. In reality you are no-ones' girl and you are doing nothing wrong. You are seeking out your options like any person would do and shouldn't have to give that up. The only time you should give it up is when you find yourself getting closer to someone.

If you are having fun with what you are doing then I suggest you continue your role. But if you want to settle down then you need to be more focussed onto one person. This would be a decision that would have to make.

You are being sweet in caring for others but you are not committed to anyone & you need to be more focussed on your wants & needs. People will hurt in life over your decisions but you will learn to move on an seek things you want.

You have to accept that decisions are part of everyday life. Even though some decisions are not easy to make you need to find the best possible decision for you.

Hope this make sense :p

[Diablo]

You say you aren't ready to settle down yourself, so why date one guy exclusively? Commitments are for people ready to settle down. If you ain't willin' to tie the knot, then you shouldn't tie him down.

[littlesister]

You say you aren't ready to settle down yourself, so why date one guy exclusively? Commitments are for people ready to settle down. If you ain't willin' to tie the knot, then you shouldn't tie him down.


AMEN :D oK What I think is sometimes we can make life so hard on ourselves. I don't know why. I tell you I ran from most relationships so I don't know what it is like to go through wondering.... I was such a big chicken when it came to commitments!! Well then again I stayed with my first boyfriend 4 yrs but he cheated on me more then once, so I had kind of a negative attitude towards commitment....... Enjoy your life and take it a day at a time. ;)

[ThatPCgirl]

Ok so yesterday on my way home from work I texted the guy I really like to tell him about a crazy accident I saw. He texted me back and all he says is "That sux for that guy". Well I didn't text him back again cuz I ended up rushing home ot get ready for my date with the guy I've been seeing since January.

The guy I really like "Michael", his friend "brandon" and I have all hung out a lot of times. Occasionally Brandon and I chit chat on the phone even. He likes to come to me with his girl problems cuz he knows I really care and will be honest with him. So I actually had spoken to Brandon 2 days ago. Then last night while on my date, I got a missed call from Brandon. Because we never talk 2 days in a row, I thought maybe something was up. So I excused myself and went to call him. I was kinda buzzed so I don't remember the exact conversation. But he asked me where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. I told him I was with a friend watching a game at this one restaurant/bar. He says "A boy?" I told him yah just a friend. He started talkin about the girl he's dating, and I know i said osmething like "awww she's so lucky! I hope to be that lucky and find a someone that cares the way you do. I mean I think I might kinda be on the road to that (talking about the guy I was with, but didn't actually admit it)". So he says "Well, what about Michael?"

I do remember my response was "Yeaaah rite! I don't think so." I said that because I am pretty sure Brandon was kidding around with me as they are ALWAYS jokin around. Plus, it wasn't too long ago that Michael told me he needs to take things super slow...But now I'm starting to think that maybe Michael wanted Brandon to find out where I was and maybe Brandon meant what he asked me. They are out of town this weekend so I won't get a chance to talk to them.

I'm doubting what I said now and wished I would have felt out the question more. Is it possible for me to redeem myself cuz what if Brandon tells Michael "yah dude...she just kinda laughed and said I don't think so" when I told her you could fill the spot of the guy that wants to be with her. Soemtimes I can't tell when they are joking or not!

So I'm thinkin what if Brandon tells Michael that I was with someone else and told him that I just laughed and said what I said about "yeea rite". My intentions for laughing it off and sayin yeaa rite wasn't because I don't want Michael to be that person, but because I don't want to seem like I am waiting around for him and have no life cuz I do.

Tonight I am going out with the guy I've been seeing since January.

[eightball61]

So I'm thinkin what if Brandon tells Michael


You are to concentrated on what people will think of you. You need to lose these thoughts or you'll end up being hurt one day by someone that has taken advantage of you. I have been taken advantage of friends before because I was always afraid to speak up & I worried what people thought about me.

If Micheal finds out about your date then who the hell cares. Again, you are not committed to anyone and it's perfectly ok for you to date around. You are not doing anything wrong & you'll end up in a nervous break down if you continue to worry like this. It's your life and do as you please until you are ready for commitment.

[ThatPCgirl]

You are to concentrated on what people will think of you. You need to lose these thoughts or you'll end up being hurt one day by someone that has taken advantage of you. I have been taken advantage of friends before because I was always afraid to speak up & I worried what people thought about me.

If Micheal finds out about your date then who the hell cares. Again, you are not committed to anyone and it's perfectly ok for you to date around. You are not doing anything wrong & you'll end up in a nervous break down if you continue to worry like this. It's your life and do as you please until you are ready for commitment.

Oh totally see where you are coming from. That's what I would tell someone too. I guess worried about what he thinks isn't the right wording. I guess I don't want things to be assumed or taken the wrong way. How can I make sure Michael knows I am still interested even if I am dating others? Like if I told someone I wasn't interested in what they want at that time and just needed some time. Then they started dating someone else, I would think they lost interest in me and I wouldn't even bother asking to hang out anymore, when the whole time they were still interested. I know I don't need to explain myself or justify myself to him. I am free to do whatever I want.

What things could I do to show him "Yes, I am dating others, but I am definitely still interested in you if u wanna start dating me." If it gets to a point where I don't have interest, then I know what to do....that's easy.

Like let me tell you what I did today..... Brandon called me to tell me that something REALLY bad happened to Michael. Michael is ok, but something he has put a lot of money into is not. So I texted him and said "I know things are hectic right now. If you need anything at all let me know." I'm leaving it at that. So does that seem like enough to show I am still interested without over or underdoing it?

Sometimes I am too subtle and I dont' know when is the right time to be more forward.

[eightball61]

You need to realize that you will not always win everyone's heart. You are dating around and doing what you want. Some of the guys you see or date may not like it and they will move on. Every guy that you date will view your strategy differently and they will make the choice to move on or not.

I know you are dating around as friends but you are also dating around hoping to find the right one. In some ways you are toying with their hearts by not being honest about your approach. In their minds, they are the only one and they think they are getting closer when in reality they are not.

It is very hard to tell whether or not this guy may stick around because thats a choice only he can make. Your chances may have been better if you were honest in the beginning but overall its unknown. I understand you just don't tell a guy "Oh! I am seeing 3 other people" in the beginning of dating but you do need to be honest on what you are looking for & what your intentions are. These guys don't have to know about each other but they need an idea on what your intentions are.

This is why I said you need to make a base decision about what you want. If you don't want to settle yet then that is fine but you also need to be fair when you are dating multiple people. You may be no-ones girl but you can't also play these games either.

Basically, honesty & communication come a long way when you are trying to make it with a partner.

[Howard]

Basically, honesty & communication come a long way when you are trying to make it with a partner.


Exactly 8Ball.It works both ways.The girl and guy have to give a little bit of both honesty and communication in the relationship. :)

[Diablo]

There's an easy solution any time someone gets the wrong idea about you: tell the person the truth.

[littlesister]

There's an easy solution any time someone gets the wrong idea about you: tell the person the truth.
Now there's a concept! ;)

[ThatPCgirl]

Well I do believe honesty is important too. I am great in communicating. But, unless he asks me, then I'm just doing my thing on my own. I look at it as when it's important enough to him to know if I am dating around, then he'll ask. I don't feel the need to ask him if he's dating around, but maybe that would be a good way to get into the subject. Maybe then he'll see that I do have interest. Also that'll give him the go ahead to ask me if he wants to know. If he says no, then maybe that means he doesn't want anyone. If he says yes, then I know to continue what I am doing.

I am just thinking about talking to him. Imagining it. In my mind I see myself saying to him "Hey I just want to know what you think of me. It's been awhile now that we've been hanging out and I just want to know if we are on the same page or whats going on. As our friendship is growing is it going closer to the friends side or to the more then friends side or do you just not know? Whichever direction you want/need, is cool with me, I just want to know cuz I don't like to guess or wonder things. I mean either you like me romantically or you don't, and sometimes I get mixed signals. In order for me to move forward with hanging out with you, I just need your input cuz your input does matter to me. I'm not asking you to change what you do for me in any way, I just want to know what's going on in your mind when you are with me."

Does this seem pretty casual and not-scary?

[eightball61]

I am great in communicating.


If you are so great in communicating then why are you so afraid for these guys to find out? :confused: This isn't about him asking you. It's about you being fair to the situation. If you don't want to tell him unless he ask then again that is fine but don't get bummed out by his reaction. You made the choice not to tell him so then you'll need to deal with his reaction to your decision if that time was ever to come.

I really don't know how to comment to your second paragraph on how to approach him. The best thing I can suggest is you go with your heart on this one. If you are that good communicator that you say you are then you'll be able to get your words out fine.

If it's tearing you up that much then tell him but if you are fine with how things are then just leave it be. You have to remember though that if you leave it be then prepare yourself for what his reactions may be in the future when he does find out. This is totally your choice on how to approach it & thats why you should just use your heart to guide you here.

[JusLikeCandy1]

I say, wait for him if you want, but don't put your life on hold. Continue to date and have fun. He may come around and he may not. But, if you are continuing life and having fun, you won't feel so bad if he doesn't. Some never come around. The most time I ever waited was 18 long months. We were seeing each other and having fun, but he was never ready to take that next step. I felt like an idiot because, I waited faithful for him. I didn't date or anything. Then, when I realized it wasn't going anywhere, I had to start from scratch, pick up the pieces and head into the dating world all over again. I was devestated. So, do your thing. Live life, and keep him in mind. If you are still single when he is "ready", give it a shot. Don't wait to long.

My feeling is that if a guy is into a girl, he wouldn't have to go through that not ready for a relationship period. To me, it is all a load a crap.