Need advice, not critisism

[someonesgirl]

I have been married for only a little over two years, and its already an empty marriage. We thought that by remaining apart during the engagment (not co-habitating) we would strengthen the spiritual bond, rather than the physical. We couldnt have made a worse mistake. We got married and now each of us realize that there isnt enough love and understanding to make this work. We havnt had the desire to be intimate with eachother in a long time. And we agree that we feel more like "roomates" than husband and wife. "Leo" wants to work things out, he says he has faith that we can make things work, I dont. Whats worse, I DONT feel like trying, but I dont feel like divorcing either. I find myself interested in other men. I met a man in the past month that seems to tipify the quailities I search for, but I dont know what to do. To cheat would just be wrong (at least in my opinion) but I do have feelings for this other man "Jake". So, I am at a crossroads, what to do? Do I throw in the towel? or do I try and work on things. We are SO different, we have no common desires or interests. What should I do? :confused:

[Skye]

Hi, I wish you peace and strength in this difficult time.
This situation is sad. May hope ring on your doorstep.

You write, "cheating is wrong."

You have feelings for this other man. You cheated.
So, you are in a marriage where infidelity has occured.

Should you end the marriage? That answer lies with you alone.

Should you consider and evaluate and fight hard to save it? Yes.

After all avenues of reconciliation have been explored, you make a decision then to con't or say goodbye.

I hope it works out for you, really.

[arphda]

I think that you should hang in there and really try to make things work. If your husband is willing to try then maybe you should think about it. Talk to each other more find your intrest it may take awhile but who knows it just might work. You talking to this other guy is not cheating as long as you have done notthing ual with him. Just be careful. :)

[Rich]

If you and your husband both realize that you made a mistake, then by all means end the marriage and get out.

You can't make something work that doesn't exisit. So what's to work on.

Don't stay married and then by choice or accident have children and THEN decide to get a divorce. It's better all around to do it now.

Mistakes happen in life. You both made one. No harm, no foul. Separate as friends and use this experience to help you make sure that the next time it's right. Think about what you would do differently next time to make sure that the same thing doesn't happen.

Good luck

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

[l4linda]

I agree with Rich. I just want to add that before you make your decision you might want to consider counseling with your husband. There are a couple of reasons I'm suggesting this - no matter what your decision is, it will probably help both you and your husband understand the situation better, which will help prevent yourselves from making the same mistake again. The other reason is that if you decide on divorce, the chances you'll come through as friends can be improved with counseling. The last thing I'd like to say is that if you do hope to remain friends, chuck the idea of an affair. Either be faithful or if you can't, give your husband his freedom. Cheating will just complicate things in ways you may not even know or may not have considered. A future relationship worth having will be worth doing right, and shouldn't begin with infidelity, dishonesty, and causing pain to others. I think you need to look at the big picture and not just your need to feel what's missing in your marriage.

[sunshine]

i have been married for 6 years and the first 5 were hard. do you love this guy at all? if you do you can make it work and if you love him you may not have feelings for this other guy like you think you do...my husband and i have both cheated im still not sure his reasons but mine were b/c this guy was everything i wanted my husband(chris) to be. after it was over and done with i felt like sh**. communication is the key. one thing i have learned is youll never get anything for free. i have fought like hell for 6 years for my family and chris and its hard but it will be worth it in the end... the first 2 years i felt the same way you do, i felt like we should have never gotten married b/c we had nothing in common, that was only because we didnt try.. the best thing to do is get rid of the other guy completly b/c hes not going to help save your marrige. work it out. atleats try untill you cant try anymore.dont give up sooooooo soon. :)

[valueprep]

Your notion of this marraige is such that you seemingly have already, in your mind, given up! If you do not feel that this relationship has a future, then by all means, seek out a divorice. THE CLOCK ALWAYS TICKS. Your life is short and waisting it in a dead end marraige is not your best life option.
You must follow your heart. I know this would probably kill your mate inside, but the truth will set both of you free. That freedom is where you can and will be able to breathe again.
However, and this is a big however, if you are being selfish and are trying to get your needs fulfilled at home and outside the home then you need to search yourself introspectively and ask honest questions. The other is if there are children from this relationship that would be lacking a father if you were to leave and I don't think you made this evident in your writing so we don't know.
However, if there is, STAYING FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN is the best thing a parent can do for their children. It is a sacrifice, but no one is more worth it than your kid(s).
PS Cheating is weak, so be strong and don't!

Take Care,
Brian Maloney,

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[smackie9]

Try marriage counselling. It's a last ditch effort. You are quite confused and need someone to help you sort out what you are feeling. Sounds like he wants to try and save your marriage too. Having an affair will only make things worse. It's only an escape, not a cure. Best of Luck :)

[MissCheivious]

Well, the only thing I can suggest to you is to take a seperation from each other. You say that you don't even want to try to work it out but since you posted here asking for advice, I think there's a part of you that might want to. Maybe if you two aren't together, you'll know for sure if you want to make it work. Lay down some rules for your seperation. The best bet would be to agree with your husband that neither of you will see any other people during the seperation. If you start seeing someone, your judgement won't be clear and you'll already start moving on. If you know yourself and you know once you make a choice, you won't regret it, try the seperation anyway. It can't hurt anymore than you living with him and just being "roommates" and at least this way, you'll get some distance and a different perspective. Good luck.

[SALly]

So did you decide anything yet? I am sort of at the same place--- feeling like roommates. Just wondering if you figured anything out.