BF that goes out parties alot

[ashavish]

My BF has many single friends (both guys and girls). He goes out at least 2-3 times a week with them...often...to the clubs and bars till the wee hours of the morning. He says this is how he hangs out with his friends and that I don't trust him.

Am I being irrational?

[eightball61]

As his girlfriend, why are you not able to go with him?

[SALly]

2-3 times a week is a little excessive if he doesn't want you to go.

[ashavish]

I guess I am allowed to go with him but I am 32 and his 3 years younger than me and i really have no interest in going out that much anymore. I did that when i was younger...I go out but not that many times.

[SALly]

3 years isnt' that much of an age difference.. ... apparently you two just have different lifestyles.

[AlexCrystal]

I'd make it a point to go with him next time just to see how he acts. If he acts "shady" or like he wishes you weren't around.....I'd worry. If he acts happy that you are there....then he's probably been a good boy all the past times. If he's "playin around" you'll get the vibe when you are out with him at these clubs he normally goes to.

[Howard]

So,you think he's hanging out with some other girls? :confused:

[ashavish]

No, i dont think he is hanging with other girls but when someone has a GF, do they still go out that much? Usually, the bar/club scene is a singles market and that is why his friends go out.

[Howard]

Do you think you should give him his freedom?

[littlesister]

My BF has many single friends (both guys and girls). He goes out at least 2-3 times a week with them...often...to the clubs and bars till the wee hours of the morning. He says this is how he hangs out with his friends and that I don't trust him.

Am I being irrational?


I wouldn't go out with a guy like that. If he doesn't want to be with you now what will it be like down the road? When I fell in love with my husband we wanted to be together.

There is nothing wrong with a guy wanting a night out with the guys but I personally think this guy sounds like an @$$ sorry but I kind of relate this to guys I have known in the past (not past relationships) but these guys who just want to party.

I actually would NOT go out with partiers when I was single.(after I wised up) Only if the guy didn't drink or do drugs. I went through all the partying when I was young and ended up in some real bad situations sooooo my advise find a guy who does not party. Then when he goes out with friends you will know he is in his right mind at least. Just my thoughts on it all.

Do what you need to do why waste time being unhappy? You don't have any kids to think about do you? If not then it will be much easier to cut the ties now. If the guy loves you he will want to change a few things to keep you. If he loves bars and clubs more then you are better off without him.

[eightball61]

. If the guy loves you he will want to change a few things to keep you.

This is a very true stament here. Relationships should be built on building with your partner as a team for something successful. Their are some partners however that are just not as committed and they rather live like they were still single but then the still want a partner.

Your not asking this guy to stop his free time. It is perfectly ok that he does still go out but you want him to be more compromising. You both are still dating and it's very healthy that you both have your single time with friends.

The only time that I see this situation as a problem though is if it was brought up to him before and he still continues this role. The other side to the pisture is that she could be jealous that he has friends to go out with and she could be at home bored wishing he was there with her 24/7.

This situation is really hard to pick a wrong doing on either party because we don't have enough info here to support a case. The best thing we can suggest is that she communicates her feelings to him so they can compromise a settlement.

[littlesister]

This is a very true stament here. Relationships should be built on building with your partner as a team for something successful. Their are some partners however that are just not as committed and they rather live like they were still single but then the still want a partner.

Your not asking this guy to stop his free time. It is perfectly ok that he does still go out but you want him to be more compromising. You both are still dating and it's very healthy that you both have your single time with friends.

The only time that I see this situation as a problem though is if it was brought up to him before and he still continues this role. The other side to the pisture is that she could be jealous that he has friends to go out with and she could be at home bored wishing he was there with her 24/7.

This situation is really hard to pick a wrong doing on either party because we don't have enough info here to support a case. The best thing we can suggest is that she communicates her feelings to him so they can compromise a settlement.



Yikes eightball are you a lawyer :D compromise a settlement? Really though I'm just messin with ya. ;) but from what this girl has posted that this guy goes out 2 or 3 times a week to clubs without her, sounds to me like she's got herself a guy who could very well have problems with his drinking. He stays out til the wee hours of the night she said.

So she is the only one who really knows, but me personally I would be out the door(I mean that). If there are no kids involved I would be. If there are kids involved I would try a bit harder to work it out. I got a soft spot for kids needing to live in the same household as their dad. (unless he is a total jerk)

[eightball61]

but from what this girl has posted that this guy goes out 2 or 3 times a week to clubs without her, sounds to me like she's got herself a guy who could very well have problems with his drinking. He stays out til the wee hours of the night she said.



Exactly....but we don't know the reasoning on why she isn't go. It would only make the things easier if we new why she wasn't going out with him. This situation can be looked at the both sides on what I have brought up.

For me, I wouldn't kick him out just yet if I haven't communicated my feelings to him. If she hasn't talked to him then he has it in his mind that she is ok with it. She needs to speak up or this will continue. She needs to tell him how she feels and where she likes the relationship to grow. I am not telling her to suspend his activities because he may just leave her if she did that but I am saying they need to work together on how to overcome this.

[SALly]

I think she said she just doesn't care for the whole drinking scene so she doesn't go. They seem to be at different points in their lives.

[littlesister]

Exactly....but we don't know the reasoning on why she isn't go. I have asked her twice but then she has failed to answer. It would only make the things easier if we new why she wasn't going out with him. This situation can be looked at the both sides on what I have brought up.

For me, I wouldn't kick him out just yet if I haven't communicated my feelings to him. If she hasn't talked to him then he has it in his mind that she is ok with it. She needs to speak up or this will continue. She needs to tell him how she feels and where she likes the relationship to grow. I am not telling her to suspend his activities because he may just leave her if she did that but I am saying they need to work together on how to overcome this.


I agree :) talk first see what happens and then leave LOL j/k. Really though he did say she is just jealouse but maybe she hasn't said, he sweetman I can not deal with you being out 2 or 3 nights a week until the wee hours of then morning, I can't go with you all hours of the night because I have a job and can't live on 1 or 2 hours sleep. Sooo handsome stay home and we can have some real fun ;) and you don't need a buzz with me babe ;) (sorry I just had to add that)

Then if he can't come home kick his butt out the door, or pack your bags and leave. Now depending on where you live some bars stay open til the wee hours of the morn but if not what is he doing after the clubs close?

[eightball61]

I agree that they could be a different points. He is only 3 years younger but that can be a huge difference when in stages of life. All we can do is assume things about him and assume things about her. She may have stated that she could go but why doesn't she sometimes want to go??? They are definitaly not on the same page and they need to talk about it or they should just let each other go.

The idea of kicking him out keeps being brought up also & I don't even see a place where she states they are living together :confused: So she can't kick him out if he ain't living there......

I guess I need more info. from from her in regards to this relationship. I hate making up assumptions and this is whats its dragging me to do...... Ashavish can you answers these for me: How long have you to been dating? How did you all meet? Are you living together? What goals do you have for this relationship? What are his goals? Why are you not going with him? Have you talked to him about how you feel?

Thank You

[littlesister]

Your right eightball, I have assumed too much ;) Who knows they may not even be that far into the relationship. He may not be as commited to the relationship as her...

[shweetwhispers]

if you reallie cant trust him much, do try going out wit him and see how it goes for a few times? girls tend to be very jealous. ii can understand that for ii am a girl too. (: anyways if u reallie do not like e idea of him hanging out too much wit his friends whether it ish gers or bois, tel him in a nice way that u dont lik his doings and ask him to change fer u? if he doesnt, why keep such a guy. =)