should i give him a second chance?

[gurlygurl]

Hi everyone :)
A few months ago I met a man that I clicked w/really well. we only dated for about a month..we had an incredible connection though..and he was so good to me. Our chemistry was amazing. we connected on so m any levels - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and ually. i never felt this way about anyone..and he would always tell me he felt the same way about me. i found myself falling for him.. THEN out of completely no where..he stopped talking to me. I was very confused and naturally found myself very frustrated also. I tried to contact him a few times and he would ignore my calls. i wasnt extremely persistent b/c i dont want to come off as annoying, but i did try a few times.

So... fast forward...finally after ONE month of giving me the cold shoulder..he calls me and asks to see me so he can explain. since i was so confused and felt so strongly for him i went to see him but i told him that he must be 100% honest w/me. he tells me he is very ashamed of himself for ignoring me and that he did have strong feelings for me and ...but he was not in the right place mentally b/c at the same time he was not over his ex- gf......and then asks me if i am still willing to date him.

Im really confused b/c even though he hurt me i still have strong feelings for him. But at the same time kind of afraid that he is playing games and i dont want to get hurt again. i mean if he felt so strongly about me, would it be possible for him to ignore me for one whole month..not knowing if i would still be around afterwards?
what do u guys think? should i give him another chance? ..or should i give it some time and see how i feel later? :confused:

[Diablo]

He seems to be being honest about why he ignored you and you haven't been dating that long, why not start seeing him again and see where it goes? If his ex continues to cloud the relationship, you should think about ending it, but for now; he hasn't promised you anything, says he wants to see again, so go for it. You might get hurt, but everybody does.

[eightball61]

Hello Gurlygurl & Welcome :)

Let's try to stick to one thread ;)

It's hard making this kind of choice after what has happened but the least you can do is take the chance again. He wasn't man enough to tell you "why" at first but he does show some good signs by coming back to fully explain. I do believe every word he has told you because if it was something else then you may have never gotten that call from him.

I would give him the second chance but I would take a slow approach to this. You want to gain a friendship with him and try to recoup what was lost when he ran off scared. You want to make sure that your heart won't get crushed again. There is no way in telling how he will be but taking things slow should give you a good idea.

[kelijoim]

I would give him a second chance. Some men are not very good expressing their feelings and it's possible that he was going through some things emotionally. Just tell him up front that you don't want him to take off again without saying goodbye and let him know that if does it again you won't be able to see him again. Also, I would take things between the two of you very slowly!

Good luck with it!

[Jims12]

Hi Gurlygurl,

Your situation is almost the exact as mine except change the gender roles around. The chemistry, connection, emotions, everything was perfect. We saw each other for about a month and she broke it off. That was two long weeks ago. She told me that it was her ex bf that started calling, emailing, with the sob story of how much he wanted her back, (probably cuz he heard about us). Anyway they are trying a go of it again. I'm told it probably won't last too long by others. She was honest and upfront with me about the whole thing. We can talk to each other about anything, it's so amazing. I miss her tremendously and have never clicked like this with anyone! She told me that this will confirm if it will work out between the two of them. She said if it doesn't then she'll know that she tried her best and can move on from there with someone else without always wondering about it. IMO I think she misses the security and the feelings that she had with him and is hoping all that will come back and be all good. I just wanted to share this and to tell you to GO FOR IT!

Jim

[eightball61]

She told me that this will confirm if it will work out between the two of them.

Welcome to the boards, Jim12 :)


I wanted to jump in and say that you shouldn't sit and wait for her. She is out trying to make something work and you should try the same. I know your feelings are telling you different but try to gain the strengh to start going back out and forcing yourself to meet new people. Only the future will hold the truth to if you both are really meant to be so with that said try to move on since she is.

I wish you the best of luck ;)

~8ball

[gurlygurl]

hey jim
its funny we do have the same situation. i guess theyre right when they say you are blinded by love..bc for some reason everything made alot more sense when i read it from you. I am most certain she will realize theres nothing there w/the ex bf and come back to you. i've been there also..i know how that is.
and its awesome that she was honest.

that kind of connection doesnt come around so often so its prob worth the wait.
So how long are you going to wait for her?

[Jims12]

Hey Gurlygurl,
How's it going?


So how long are you going to wait for her?

Well my head and others tell me that I should not wait. In a sense I understand this totally as it could possibly work out between the two of them :eek: even if the odds are against them, and whos to say she would come back to me. (I'm just looking at the worst case senario to help stop thinking about all of this, can you tell --- it's not helping). So I will continue searching but after the connection/chemistry with her I think it will be hard to find that again and don't know if I will truly be into it with someone else. Right now my heart is with her even though she touched it ever so slightly but deep. They say things happen the way they do for a reason.

I hope and pray things do work out in time.

It's interesting talking to someone that has shared a similiar experience. How are you and your situation doing?

Jim

[gurlygurl]

It's interesting talking to someone that has shared a similiar experience. How are you and your situation doing?

Jim


Hey Jim !
Finally someone that can relate to me!
As far as my situation, I am going to be honest here and say that I absolutely feel as if I am losing my mind. I have been doing the "space" thing but at the same time have no heard from him for over 3 weeks now...and its driving me insane. :eek:

It makes me confused..and thats why i started this whole thread..b/c he seemed really into me (different that when a guy just wants to get you in bed- trust me..been there done that) but at the same time he hasnt really been putting effort into pursuing something w/me as he used to...but its a really sudden move so that is what boggles my mind (i guess its bc of teh whole ex-gf thing and i suppose i should be understanding??).

I miss him so much..Like you said you can continue searching but after having that INCREDIBLE connection/chemistry, its hard to match it. I have met tons and tons of guys. I continue to meet tons of guys..some are even really nice, some are gorgeous, some are even really successful - but NOT ONE has matched. It's such an odd feeling , isnt it? its like you just KNOW its right w/that other person. theres no words to really describe ..You just know.

...And that hardest thing to do right now is "space" myself away from him when all i want to do is run to him and give him my all.

Do you still talk with your girl while she is trying w/the other man? Let me know what happens with your situation.

[eightball61]

You both are in denial & that's not going to help these issues. Seeing reality instead faith is what's going to help you both out....

If your ex. partners cared for you so much then please try explaining why they left??? "Love" is no a valid response to this question. "Love" is what keeps a couple together. "Love" is why your partners left. "Love" brought them to someone else.

If you both skip this question then you have proved my point but if you could fully explain why your partners left with a logical answer then I stand corrected....................

So let's here those excuses.:rolleyes:

[gurlygurl]

You both are in denial & that's not going to help these issues. Seeing reality instead faith is what's going to help you both out....

If your ex. partners cared for you so much then please try explaining why they left??? "Love" is no a valid response to this question. "Love" is what keeps a couple together. "Love" is why your partners left. "Love" brought them to someone else.

If you both skip this question then you have proved my point but if you could fully explain why your partners left with a logical answer then I stand corrected....................

So let's here those excuses.:rolleyes:

Well my reason is that he said he was not over his ex "at the time" (when he gave me the cold shoulder). WHen i asked him if he was over her now, he said he definitely was...but more because "SHE" did not want to be with him..(not b/c he wouldnt be w/her). So in other words..she does not want to be w/him but he was sort of holding on to lost hope..probably as you believe I am doing so right now. now.. the only reason why he even admitted this to me was bc he was playing games w/me a lot ..leading me on and then mysteriously disappearing and then trying to come back again. so the last time he asked me to give him another chance, i told him i would ONLY if he was honest straightforward and upfront with me about why he keeps doing this. that is when he told me that "at the time" he was not over her...but supposedly now he is.. YET now he is doing the cold shoulder thing all over again..and once again i'm left wondering why with no answers except for the only information which he gave me which was the "ex-gf" information..so I am led to believe that is still the reason (i may be wrong).
i am giving him his space to realize that if it was really meant to be w/"her,' then she would have gave him that chance...And maybe the outcome of all this will be that he realizes I really am someone who cares about him and should give me another chance.

[eightball61]

And maybe the outcome of all this will be that he realizes I really am someone who cares about him and should give me another chance.

Your still basing everything on hope rather than reality. It's not a bad thing that you are holding onto hope but I am trying to get you both to realize not to put your life on hold......

[Jims12]

If your ex. partners cared for you so much then please try explaining why they left??? "Love" is no a valid response to this question. "Love" is what keeps a couple together. "Love" is why your partners left. "Love" brought them to someone else.

If you both skip this question then you have proved my point but if you could fully explain why your partners left with a logical answer then I stand corrected....................


I'm not saying she cared for me so much, it was just that everything clicked right from the get go and feelings were starting to develop. Also developing were the gulity feelings from her toward her ex when he would call sobing along with his emails which obviously hit those past feelings in her. She admitted that she felt guilty emotionallly when we would go out and have a good time because the ex was so miserable. The ex didn't start all of this until he found out that she was starting to be happy again. (We talk about everything). She told me that she was going to give it another try to see what happens. If it reverts back to the way it was then she said she knew she gave it her best and could move on knowing that and not feel guilty about it, instead of just throwing two years away.

I noticed that when we talked about how things were with her ex and her in the past that she really missed all those things one gets out of a relationship. I think she went back for those reasons first because they were already familiar to her instead of learning them all over again with someone else, along with the guilt he was putting on her. It was easier and more comfortable, she was debating back and forth. If they both go into it and don't address any past issues of why they broke up in the first place, then things won't change and they will remember why they broke up instead of what they miss. Especially if he wanted her back because she was with someone else, I'm sure you know how that goes.

Like I said I'm not waiting around but the chemistry with her will be hard to live up too. Yes she is on my mind and that is something I can't help right now, maybe in time. I have not talked with her in a week and she has not returned some of my things that she said she would. I'm giving her space and if she remembers me if it doesn't work out with the ex, great. I'm friends with her brother and he also fills me on some things and made the remark that she'll probably be calling. Right or wrong - she's on my mind.

[eightball61]

The ex didn't start all of this until he found out that she was starting to be happy again. (We talk about everything). She told me that she was going to give it another try to see what happens.



You got caught up in a rebound situation....


Like I said I'm not waiting around but the chemistry with her will be hard to live up too. Yes she is on my mind and that is something I can't help right now, maybe in time. I have not talked with her in a week and she has not returned some of my things that she said she would. I'm giving her space and if she remembers me if it doesn't work out with the ex, great. I'm friends with her brother and he also fills me on some things and made the remark that she'll probably be calling. Right or wrong - she's on my mind.


This is what I wanted to hear. The way you both made this sound was as if you were going to wait around. When gurlygurl said "So how long are you going to wait for her?" started to make the turn as you both are going to sit and wait.

I am not telling either of you to let go just like that. It's hard to let go of someone you care for so much & it does takes time to move on. My main focus is to get you both to understand that there is more out there rather than sitting around and waiting.

We are all on the same page now and I am glad to hear that you both are making the right steps to move on. As I said, it's hard but can be done......Goodluck to both of you. :)

[Jims12]

Let me throw something at you since you have thousands of posts and see a whole lotta stuff. How often do you see breakups that get back together work out. No, I'm not looking for a paticular answer here based upon my topic. My friends actually got into a discussion about this the other day.

I've got back together with ex's and it obviously didn't work. I can only think of one couple that I know that got back together and they got married.

Regardless of what the couples need to do to make it work do you think it's 75% success, 25%...any ideas, based upon what you read and respond too in these forums.

Thanks eightball61!

[eightball61]

Let me throw something at you since you have thousands of posts and see a whole lotta stuff. How often do you see breakups that get back together work out. No, I'm not looking for a paticular answer here based upon my topic. My friends actually got into a discussion about this the other day.

I've got back together with ex's and it obviously didn't work. I can only think of one couple that I know that got back together and they got married.

Regardless of what the couples need to do to make it work do you think it's 75% success, 25%...any ideas, based upon what you read and respond too in these forums.

Thanks eightball61!


When I post I try not to base my opinions on stats. Everything I gather is knowledge through different issues like yours. I learn by communicating with the poster and seeing what the outcomes turns out to be.
I will admit that I am not right all the time and this is why I am not telling you to completely forget about her.

With that said I don't know what will happen in your situation. Some end with good news while others end in saddness. This is why I am saying don't keep your heart 100% devoted to hope. If you do so then it could end up getting more hurt than you already are in the end.

You feel you may not find a girl like her and your right about that because no one else will be her. But what you are wrong about is there is someone else out there that you could feel as strongly about. You won't know though until you venture out. If you both were meant for each other then destiny will find its way in the end but you won't know until that happens. This is why you need time to heal your heart but then try to move on at the same time.

Hope this helps some......

~8ball