Don't know what to do am I done with

[ikei]

My girlfriend wants a brake from me does that mean im done with??? She said she didn't want to talk to me at all and said she's just thinking about things. I really love her but don't want to end this 2 year relationship. Im very scared to call her and just don't know what to do.... Any advise :( :(

[eightball61]

Typically, when someone says they want a brake then that's just a nice way in words of braking up. The problem is it hold the other partner(you) with high hopes that you'll be back together. There is only a "chance" that you both will be back together. I know it's going to be tough but this is what she wants and there nothing you can do to change her mind. You need to giver her the proper space she needs and also allow time for yourself so you can move on too.

You can try calling her "once" to leave a message but if she doesn't call back then you stop trying all together. Remember, that she wants to have space and if you don't give that to her then your just gonna annoy the hell out of her which will only push he raway from you.

[ivy]

[QUOTE=eightball61][Typically, when someone says they want a brake then that's just a nice way in words of braking up. The problem is it hold the other partner(you) with high hopes that you'll be back together. There is only a "chance" that you both will be back together. I know it's going to be tough but this is what she wants and there nothing you can do to change her mind. You need to giver her the proper space she needs and also allow time for yourself so you can move on too.

You can try calling her "once" to leave a message but if she doesn't call back then you stop trying all together. Remember, that she wants to have space and if you don't give that to her then your just gonna annoy the hell out of her which will only push he raway from you.
Today 03:08 AM
/QUOTE]


Actually since she said she wants no contact although it may be hard the best thing is to honor her wishes and not call her at all. She asked for space respect her wishes and hope for the best. Find something that you can do to help you keep your mind off of her. This could go either way, if she does not contact you with in a reasonable amount of time call her and ask if she has decided to break it off.

[HiOnLife]

I am going through the exact same thing as you but Im the female and he is the one who wanted his time and space. It has been exactly one month and he hasnt called me once! My weakness gave in so I made several attempts to call him just to say "hey, how are you". He chooses to ignore my calls and never returns my calls. He told me before he moved out that he wasn't dumping me and this isnt forever. Well, what I am suppose to think when he wont even communicate with me? He still hasnt even told me why he chose to leave me and moved back in with his parents. I have a right to know where I stand in his life,,we were together almost 3 years. I am confused as you are. When you figure it out, can you please tell me:) Thanks bunches and best of luck to you. Instead of feeling better each passing day, I feel worse because this is like a mystery and its killing me inside! I wish he would just get the courage to tell me something instead of stringin me along and leaving me hanging! This is worse than torture I think.

[eightball61]

Situations like this does hurt like hell but holding on isn't going to make anything better. It's tough when you love spmeone that deeply but you have to remember that they are the one that decided to break it off and move on.

HiOnLife, your case is hard because he has not yet called you. I know you want to have that closure but it seems that your not going to get it from this guy. Use his actions by ignoring you as the closure that you are seeking.

It's going to take "time" for the both of you to heal. The holding on method has proven not to work so it's now time to try a new method and that's called "moving on".

[Howard]

It's possible that she may need some breathing room for a while and hopefully you 2 can patch things up when she feels much better later. :)

[ikei]

thank you everyone for your replies. I talked to her after I posted this and she gave it to me. I know its my fault and everything because I treated her bad sometimes but she just thinks its gonna happen all the time and I can't change. That's why she's had it with me. Although this is what she told me "I can't talk to you right now because im so mad at you. Your just going to have to wait and see what happens". I begged her so many times last night it wasn't even funny but she didn't give in. So I asked her if we could be friends and she said yeah but I don't want you calling me all the time. My question is this is she done with me or does she want some space. I mean I just don't know whats going on. I asked her we need to rebuild this relationship but she said it's just going to fall apart again. I know I can fix this I just have to change my ways but im willing to do anything to have her back. By the way im sending her flowers tommarow was that a good idea or not. The card just says thinking of you..... I don't know if that was the right thing to do. But thank you everyone for your help and advise. This relationship can go two ways and im making sure im getting back with her. :( :(

[Alias]

That's a tricky situation. I think that you have said a lot to her, but maybe you're not actually literally *showing* her that you are trying to change? It's good that she wants to be friends with you, but you have to actually look at the causes which killed the relationship, and start to work on them for YOU, and not for her! Typically things like this work in cycles, so if you split up with one girlfriend because of control, the next relationship you have will probably fall apart because of the same issue, control.

Sending flowers was a nice idea, just be careful not to smother her completely - and really try to back off a little more. I say that it is tricky, because whilst she wants her space, and you want more than just a friendship - you have to respect her decisions but at the same time show her how much you care if you really are serious about wanting to build up another relationship with her.

We don't know a lot about her, or you on these forums, so it's always hard for us to sit here and say you should do this, or you should do that and so on. But for whatever reasons she broke off with you, perhaps you could seek counselling, and that is an example of you directly showing her that you are willing to change and move away from this pattern of behaviour you've been sat in. Like I say though, if you did do something like that, make sure your motivation is to do it for YOU; you may not get the girl in the end this time.

[eightball61]

My question is this is she done with me or does she want some space. I mean I just don't know whats going on.

The reality of the situation right now is that she "did" request space. So this means you need to stop calling often & bugging her to death(as she requested). I think she was very blunt & honest on what she has told you during that conversatin. This is why you need to respect the space she wants and only keep things on friendship level. It will be hard trying to only keep things on a friendship level but you'll need to except the reality of this.

If you find that this friendship is not any moving closer to a relationship in the future then I am afraid to say that you'll need to move.....

[ivy]

thank you everyone for your replies. I talked to her after I posted this and she gave it to me. I know its my fault and everything because I treated her bad sometimes but she just thinks its gonna happen all the time and I can't change. That's why she's had it with me. Although this is what she told me "I can't talk to you right now because im so mad at you. Your just going to have to wait and see what happens". I begged her so many times last night it wasn't even funny but she didn't give in. So I asked her if we could be friends and she said yeah but I don't want you calling me all the time. My question is this is she done with me or does she want some space. I mean I just don't know whats going on. I asked her we need to rebuild this relationship but she said it's just going to fall apart again. I know I can fix this I just have to change my ways but im willing to do anything to have her back. By the way im sending her flowers tommarow was that a good idea or not. The card just says thinking of you..... I don't know if that was the right thing to do. But thank you everyone for your help and advise. This relationship can go two ways and im making sure im getting back with her. :( :(


I would wonder how was it that you treated her bad? Did you get physical? The best thing you can do is to work through what ever it is that triggered you treating her bad. If it was just by not spending the time with her ect then learn from that. Oldest daughters b/f was so desperate when he knew he finally lost her that he sent cards and flowers, but he did that way too late. When he thought he had her he did what ever he wanted including seeing another girl and he still lies about it all. So the flowers were a little too late to win back my daughter. It won't hurt anything to send flowers but the most important thing is that you see what you problem here was (if there was one) and deal with your issues so that this does not continue on into other relationships.