starlight1
06-06-2011, 11:29 AM
Hi everyone, i could really use some support in understanding what to expect.
I'd been with my Indian boyfriend for quite a while when he announced that his parents had been searching for and had found him a potential bride in India. I was surprised as he is nearly more American than I am- we both work in finance and are both Ivy League educated. (my point in mentioning this is that I am not the way that elder Indians often view white women- i have an great education with multiple graduate degrees and make a very good living).
I was heartbroken, as was he, but I knew as well as he did that his family's deep devotion to their culture and religion was something we could not fight. We've continued to see each other while waiting for the wife (they were married without ever meeting in India this year) to get her visa and come here. We have about 3 months left with each other and while we both cry very often we have chosen to just enjoy each other for the time we have left.
I have just found out I am almost 3 months pregnant with his child. I'm conflicted in so many ways- but before I tell him about this little baby, i want to know what this situation would be viewed as from his family's stand point - would they ever acknowledge this baby? Would he be able to be part of the baby's life? Would this somehow stop the wife from coming here?? When she arrives here, they have 90 days to get married here (its a fiance visa) - but would our having this baby be cause enough for the family to accept me, us? Or am i just setting myself, the baby, and him up for even more pain than we already have? I can care for the child financially myself, but would feel like an awful person for bringing a baby to this world knowing it's father and paternal family would never love it. Please help.
I'd been with my Indian boyfriend for quite a while when he announced that his parents had been searching for and had found him a potential bride in India. I was surprised as he is nearly more American than I am- we both work in finance and are both Ivy League educated. (my point in mentioning this is that I am not the way that elder Indians often view white women- i have an great education with multiple graduate degrees and make a very good living).
I was heartbroken, as was he, but I knew as well as he did that his family's deep devotion to their culture and religion was something we could not fight. We've continued to see each other while waiting for the wife (they were married without ever meeting in India this year) to get her visa and come here. We have about 3 months left with each other and while we both cry very often we have chosen to just enjoy each other for the time we have left.
I have just found out I am almost 3 months pregnant with his child. I'm conflicted in so many ways- but before I tell him about this little baby, i want to know what this situation would be viewed as from his family's stand point - would they ever acknowledge this baby? Would he be able to be part of the baby's life? Would this somehow stop the wife from coming here?? When she arrives here, they have 90 days to get married here (its a fiance visa) - but would our having this baby be cause enough for the family to accept me, us? Or am i just setting myself, the baby, and him up for even more pain than we already have? I can care for the child financially myself, but would feel like an awful person for bringing a baby to this world knowing it's father and paternal family would never love it. Please help.