jjjessica
08-08-2005, 04:14 AM
This is going to be a rather long post.
My boyfriend and I started going out through high school. I had been in previous relationships (one of which I had lost my virginity in, of course the wrong guy and I broke up with him). For the first couple of months it was pure bliss (as any new relationship is) he was perfect, he treated me so nicely, he promised he would never treat me the way my ex boyfriends did (which was pretty poorly, so I got out of them). We've been together for 2 and a half years now, and we both graduated last year from high school together.
Sure we had our problems through high school, arguments over silly things, he was sort of threatened by the idea that I had more "experience" than he did (I was his first kiss and everything) and he really was fussed about the idea that I had with my ex. We talked for ages about it, and he got over it.
We really didn't start having problems until this year. We are fresh out of high school, and my life went dramamtically down hill for me, and very up hill for me. I lost my part-time job I was working at, while he got promoted (I used to lend him money and buy him things when he wasn't earning much, because I thought thats what you do in a serious relationship, you share.) 3 days later my Nan was diagnosed with a lethal brain tumor that would take her life in the next 12 months. Now I was so close to my Nan, I visited her once a week since I was a little girl, she was my best friend. She accepted my boyfriend into our family. This is where my life really hit rock bottom. I became depressed, angry, upset and frustrated. I was with my Nan at hospital 5 days a week and when she finally came home after her radiation, her health really started to deteriorate so I had to look after her aswell as my Pop. I acted like I could handle it, but really it was tearing me inside. My Nan was always such a clean, well-groomed and independant woman (and she was only 68) and it hurt me so much to look into her still eyes, while her body was unable to move and to change her nappy, and to bath her, and to feed her, and I am only 18 years old. I felt like I had lost my life for 5 months.
Without going through the whole story of that, and to get back on topic, my relationship got the full battering. My emotions were all over the place. Countless times I explained this to my boyfriend, after a while he just didnt' want to listen. He didn't want to care. At first he said he would always support me, but then he just stopped, he stopped caring. He said he didn't want to be with me if I was going to be depressed all the time. I explained to him that my days consisted of watching my Nan slowly die while caring for her, she is the woman I loved the most.
I can't really remember much but we started falling apart, The more my Nan lost her body, the more my family became depressed and upset and the more responsibility I got. My family pretty much told me to care for Nan.
For months I was tired. For months I had no idea why God would do this to my family and I. All my friends were out partying, at college, having fun, going out to the movies. I had to stay at my Nans and care for her.
I would find my own time in the shower each night and cry.
My Nan finally passed away, and it was the hardest thing. My boyfriend was there holding my hand all the way. As soon as she passed away.
She passed away about a month and a half ago, and our relationship has just died. And I have no idea why. He says all these different things to me. Like he wants to go out and ave with other girls and that I'm not counted as an experience. For months I went without money, my family is poor and he got annoyed each time he would pay for my lunch or pay for my movie ticket (even though he was earning $800 a week) I felt like this huge burden. Everytime our friends invited us out I had to say no half the time because he got mad because he had to pay.
Ever since he bought a brand new car and started earning all this money, while I just recently found a new job, he's turned into this huge . He's not like the boyfriend I once knew. He calls me stupid, and calls me , and tells me to get him stuff, and gets angry when i dont get him stuff or have with him because I'm tired. He's started hiding things behind my back like when he talks to girls from work on his messenger. He says they're all really hot and that they all want him and that 've turned into an ugly fat cow. He always says it and it hurts me. And I'm not the innoent one either. Lately I've just becme so mad with the way he's been treating me, I was never a violent person, but I just hit him and slap him and he gets mad and tries to shove me off and I yell at him. We do this a couple of nights a week. He's even made me sleep on the floor once.
Everytime I want to talk, everytime I try to make an effort he tells me to shutup and that he wants to break up with me. I say that's unfair because he doesn't even want to tlak about it and says that I'm insane and that Im a stupid . I get really upset because im still recovering from my Nan. He's meant to be the person I trust the most. That's meant to support me.
And I don't own anything (I dont own a car or a computer or anything) and he owns everything so he always uses it against me, like at night if we fight he'll say get the out of my bed and get off my computer, and you can find your own way home because he knows that I dont own anything, i cant find my own way home.
I am ust so lonely right now. I just want us to talk, I want us to be happy and just have fun like we used to. Don't get me wrong we have our moments, but lately those moments have been less and less. He says the only reason he stayed with me for the past couple of months is because he felt sorry for me that no one else would want me. And I just can't believe he would say that.
My boyfriend and I started going out through high school. I had been in previous relationships (one of which I had lost my virginity in, of course the wrong guy and I broke up with him). For the first couple of months it was pure bliss (as any new relationship is) he was perfect, he treated me so nicely, he promised he would never treat me the way my ex boyfriends did (which was pretty poorly, so I got out of them). We've been together for 2 and a half years now, and we both graduated last year from high school together.
Sure we had our problems through high school, arguments over silly things, he was sort of threatened by the idea that I had more "experience" than he did (I was his first kiss and everything) and he really was fussed about the idea that I had with my ex. We talked for ages about it, and he got over it.
We really didn't start having problems until this year. We are fresh out of high school, and my life went dramamtically down hill for me, and very up hill for me. I lost my part-time job I was working at, while he got promoted (I used to lend him money and buy him things when he wasn't earning much, because I thought thats what you do in a serious relationship, you share.) 3 days later my Nan was diagnosed with a lethal brain tumor that would take her life in the next 12 months. Now I was so close to my Nan, I visited her once a week since I was a little girl, she was my best friend. She accepted my boyfriend into our family. This is where my life really hit rock bottom. I became depressed, angry, upset and frustrated. I was with my Nan at hospital 5 days a week and when she finally came home after her radiation, her health really started to deteriorate so I had to look after her aswell as my Pop. I acted like I could handle it, but really it was tearing me inside. My Nan was always such a clean, well-groomed and independant woman (and she was only 68) and it hurt me so much to look into her still eyes, while her body was unable to move and to change her nappy, and to bath her, and to feed her, and I am only 18 years old. I felt like I had lost my life for 5 months.
Without going through the whole story of that, and to get back on topic, my relationship got the full battering. My emotions were all over the place. Countless times I explained this to my boyfriend, after a while he just didnt' want to listen. He didn't want to care. At first he said he would always support me, but then he just stopped, he stopped caring. He said he didn't want to be with me if I was going to be depressed all the time. I explained to him that my days consisted of watching my Nan slowly die while caring for her, she is the woman I loved the most.
I can't really remember much but we started falling apart, The more my Nan lost her body, the more my family became depressed and upset and the more responsibility I got. My family pretty much told me to care for Nan.
For months I was tired. For months I had no idea why God would do this to my family and I. All my friends were out partying, at college, having fun, going out to the movies. I had to stay at my Nans and care for her.
I would find my own time in the shower each night and cry.
My Nan finally passed away, and it was the hardest thing. My boyfriend was there holding my hand all the way. As soon as she passed away.
She passed away about a month and a half ago, and our relationship has just died. And I have no idea why. He says all these different things to me. Like he wants to go out and ave with other girls and that I'm not counted as an experience. For months I went without money, my family is poor and he got annoyed each time he would pay for my lunch or pay for my movie ticket (even though he was earning $800 a week) I felt like this huge burden. Everytime our friends invited us out I had to say no half the time because he got mad because he had to pay.
Ever since he bought a brand new car and started earning all this money, while I just recently found a new job, he's turned into this huge . He's not like the boyfriend I once knew. He calls me stupid, and calls me , and tells me to get him stuff, and gets angry when i dont get him stuff or have with him because I'm tired. He's started hiding things behind my back like when he talks to girls from work on his messenger. He says they're all really hot and that they all want him and that 've turned into an ugly fat cow. He always says it and it hurts me. And I'm not the innoent one either. Lately I've just becme so mad with the way he's been treating me, I was never a violent person, but I just hit him and slap him and he gets mad and tries to shove me off and I yell at him. We do this a couple of nights a week. He's even made me sleep on the floor once.
Everytime I want to talk, everytime I try to make an effort he tells me to shutup and that he wants to break up with me. I say that's unfair because he doesn't even want to tlak about it and says that I'm insane and that Im a stupid . I get really upset because im still recovering from my Nan. He's meant to be the person I trust the most. That's meant to support me.
And I don't own anything (I dont own a car or a computer or anything) and he owns everything so he always uses it against me, like at night if we fight he'll say get the out of my bed and get off my computer, and you can find your own way home because he knows that I dont own anything, i cant find my own way home.
I am ust so lonely right now. I just want us to talk, I want us to be happy and just have fun like we used to. Don't get me wrong we have our moments, but lately those moments have been less and less. He says the only reason he stayed with me for the past couple of months is because he felt sorry for me that no one else would want me. And I just can't believe he would say that.