What Should I do?

[Dynamix]

Posted this in singles, sorry if it should be over here.

Well I have been going out for 7 months with this woman I enjoy very much. But my future plans and hers don’t seem to match.

To be honest, I have dedicated the next six years to the Military, and her next four to college. I kind of talked a little about moving our relationship forward. But with the prevalent circumstances, we can’t move in as she leaves in a few weeks and I in a few months. Neither of us want to get married, until she is out of college for sure. Then afterward I want to get a government job in Law enforcement. That job would dictate where I would live and she already knows where she wants to work. So that’s another complication.

The advice I need to know is: Should I break up now and start looking for someone who has a more compatible future? On the other hand I’m not looking into getting married anytime soon, so should I stay with my current girlfriend?

If you think it the latter, I want to have a more direct conversation on our future without overwhelming her with talk of marriage? Should I just ask her about the subject or just chill and let things develop for the next few years?

The only thing that agitates me, would be letting this get drawn out and end up breaking up years from now.

[eightball61]

You both have the same goals in waiting so why do you need to look for someone more compatible? :confused:

Right now, you nor her have the slightest clue to what your futures will be like. The best thing you both can do is work towards your personal goals and see where the relationship heads. If you both are making this relationship work now then I don't see a need to break things off. If you think this relationship is interrupting your goals then break it off but don't get back in another relationship until you are settled.

[Dynamix]

Thank you for the advice. Well she is having a going away party thing and I have to pick a gift?

So should I go with a simple gift card or more expensive?

[Diablo]

How well do you know what she likes/dislikes? If you know these well enough, I would say get her a moderately priced gift. If you have no clue as to what to get her, then a gift card would be the thing to get her. As for your relationship, you two are going to be seperated for at least four years and few relationships survive such a seperation at young ages. I think you both should concentrate on your careers and see what the situation looks like after she has a degree and you've done your hitch in the military. As a matter of fact, if you two break up, you should stay single and unnattached until after you get that gig in law enforcement.

[eightball61]

So should I go with a simple gift card or more expensive?

What about some calling cards? or does she have a cellphone? would she be able to afford a plan or prepaid account you think?

[Dynamix]

Ill check into that thanks.

As for my main problem, should I bring up a conversation about our future together?

[eightball61]

As for my main problem, should I bring up a conversation about our future together?

How many other times have you brought it up before?

[Dynamix]

We kind of talked about it one time, maybe a week or so ago.

[eightball61]

If you both only "kinda" talked about it then try it once more. Gather everything you want to talk about for this talk. You want to make this talk produtive and not sound like your ending the relationship. She is leaving soon and I am sure she rather have you by her side rather than a talk where it sounds like your having doubts.

[Rich]

Enjoy each others company while you have the time to do so.

Don't make the mistake though, while you're in the military, to start missing and thinking that you had something more than you had. Lonliness makes one say and do wierd things. You're going to be lonely in the military. Don't make promises to her just to have and hold onto something. I've been there and I know. Especially if you get stationed over seas.

Just enjoy the last few weeks together and then part as friends.

[luvme4ever]

Your situation is very much like mine. But the different between ur relationsip and mine is that my boyfriend and I have faith. He finished school and is currently working now, and I am just starting college. I am on my second year of college. and 4 more years to go. He and I both have our own goals to accomplish; I finishing school, and he built up his career. Along with the fact that I am away from home, and he is away for work. But we share the same passion. We have patient and faith in one another. Our main idea is that we need to accomplish our goals inorder to make our future life together easier, not having to worry much about financial. No matter how far we are apart, but as long as we look toward the future that we planned, we will eventually reunited again. You need to have faith in ur relationship

[WonderWoman]

As someone who is ex-military, unless you have a position that allows you "normal hours" it's very difficult to keep a marriage together. Especially if you're going to be gone for months on end.

Hate to say it but it's just not worth the heartache to try to keep a multi-year long-distance relationship going. The odds are against you unfortunately, and chances are it'll be a lot more painful down the road.

And even if you manage to keep it together for a few years (before it falls apart), you'll miss out on the real relationships you could have experienced and enjoyed during that time.