Venting about the most asshole of a husband!

[Amber7]

I just need to vent. Need opinions. Thank You.

My husband is 31 and I just turned 23. Lately, I've been feeling very evil towards him. Cussing at him under my breath (him hurting my feelings), having thoughts about him dying, and not being affectionate at all. And I"m EXTREMELY touchy feely affectionate. He wants kids, and I pray that we don't! I'm starting to feel as though I shouldn't have married someone much older than I, much less have gotten married! I hate our marriage..I hate him...why can't MEN learn how to communicate problems/feelings so we can fix them and life goes on!? I know I sound very immature, I am. I'm also very sensitive to how my husband "jokes." For example, he will joke about flirting with another woman, and other jokes like that. I will get pissed and he will say "I'm just joking!" Doesn't get the fact it hurts my feelings. Also, I've been wanting more passion and romance in the marriage..and just like any other guy, he doesn't do it. This morning we had a huge fight. We have two people living in our home that we take care of. Excuse me I take care of, because he works night shift as a nurse, and I don't work. He will usually get them going on Saturdays because I like to sleep in, he's up at 8. So he comes in the bedroom where I'm sleeping and says aren't you going to get them ready?? I say well you usually get them up on Saturdays. He starts saying how I'm such a disapointment, I'm useless, a baby, I need to go back to school (He wanted me to be a stay at home mom) and says we really shouldn't have kids! Using the F word and just cussing at me like I'm a damn dog. He rarely cusses. I'm not going to get in the whole conversation, that would take too long. I understand his nightshift schedule has thrown him off to where he is sleeping during the day..but I wish he would have gently told me I needed to get them ready. I told him that too. So what does the prick do??? "I'M NOT LISTENING TO THIS YOUR A BABY" DOES WHAT HE DOES BEST AND STORMS DOWNSTAIRS!!!!!!!!!!! If I'm so useless and a baby, (clean cook pack his lunch for work) go get a divorce!!! I do think about divorce often, too scared to do it, because I would have no clue where to even begin, I am codependent but he wanted me to stay at home. I feel like I would miss him too and regret ever getting a divorce. Life just ing sucks..I mean it seriously does. Screw those people that have such a ZEST for life! If I ever EVER got a divorce, I could never look at another man again, I would be perfectly fine being an alcoholic and living ALONE! I would never get married again, because I'm not dealing with this pain and heartache, I don't care who you are! So I think I'm done venting. Just to let everyone know he will be downstairs for awhile, I'm starting not to care anymore or even be the first one to make things up. I always am the one to talk first..I probably will do it again simply because I'm miserable when things are like this..I don't eat at all. Have no desire.

Soooo...is anyone's marriage as horrible as mine?? What the hell do I do in this situation besides contemplating hiring a hit man to kill the bastard. (JOKE) Could never do such a thing. I mean are all men like this??? Women do you get depressed as I do when hurtful words are being said? Or are you the one to stomp off and don't ever speak? I can't live like this forever people..I don't want a divorce I just want him to straighten his ass right and improve. The only reason I'd divorce is if he hit me or cheated. I guess I just need to accept the way he is. Just to let you know husband isn't like this all the time, he IS a good guy most of the time. What do you people think?? Be honest..please don't think you have to side with me. I'm sure most women or men wouldn't put up with this. Guess I'm the dumb one.


Thanks for reading and sorry this was long, but I feel a tiny bit better now.

[Rich]

A good marraige consists of many things like trust, communication, love, affection, honesty, caring, friendship, freedom etc. Doesn't seem like your marraige has any of this.

That's both of your faults.

Either both make the decision to fix it, or leave the marraige. Why live a miserable life. If you think that being an alcoholic single is better then meeting someone and falling in love again, then you are immature.

No, not all men are ass holes like that.

And know this also, if you become dependant on someone else to make you happy and to give you a life, then you will ALWAYS be disappointed. Go get an education and a job.

You're living a hell and the question is why. If you want to be lazy and not have to work or be able to support yourself, then you get what you get. If you're not happy then do something about it.

You say that you would miss him if you divorced. After reading your post, what are the good things exactly about hinm and the marraige that you'll miss?

And yes your age differences will always play a negative role in your marraige.

Make plans to leave him and make a life for yourself.

[eightball61]

Also he has to be mad about something right? He wasn't always like this or was he? if so then thats something you should have caught. So instead of venting make something of it. Work with him in a mature way and if he doesn't budge then you leave for self happiness.

[smackie9]

This sounds like a life you had not expected to have....it's really not the marriage that's the problem. You are young and should be out working on a career, building relationships, having a social life. But here you are, stuck at home, taking care of two people and a husband that you barely have a relationship with.

Only you can start to change your life. You need to assess your life and what your goals are. Sit your husband down and tell him that your present situation is not working and things HAVE to change, and if he doesn't give your support then it's time for you to go at it alone.

[mykidsmom2]

I've had that type of anger and it ate away at me and made me into a person i never thought i would be. I have kids and noticed it made me bitter and angry, not who I really am.
Is this what you want and is this who you want to be for the rest of your life? To me(just my opinion) you have two choices...
1. STAY, and get couples counselling because there are obvious hidden issues there that need to be resolved. See if there is anything worth salvaging.
2. GO, if the anger builds up and there is nothing to salvage you'll just end up resentful and bitter. Not a good way to end a relationship let alone a marriage.

It doesn't sound to me like you're a bad person. I've had my share of nasty thoughts and opinions about my spouse, you're just frustrated and confused.

good luck!

[TraceyLee36]

I think you should go to the doctors and discuss your depression. When you are depressed the whole world seems like crap. Your seratonin levels are not right in your brain. Get them checked out and see how you go from there.